


Snowbird

by Imjustmakingsuffupagain



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV), Twd - Fandom
Genre: Apocalypse, Blood, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Multi, My First Smut, Romance, Smut, Violence, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-22 22:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 50,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9628907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imjustmakingsuffupagain/pseuds/Imjustmakingsuffupagain
Summary: Lynna has been on her own for a long time. She liked it that way. She kept moving, never staying in one place for long. Until she saves a man who intrigues her. Negan finds himself interested in this woman more than usual. Who are they and more importantly whose more bloodthirsty? Note that the tags vary from chapter to chapter.





	1. Ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic. Any advice is welcome. Enjoy!

The road seemed to get longer, no matter how far she walked. She kept her eyes straight ahead and her feet moving under her. She had no choice. She’d be dead if she stopped. She felt the sun beating down on her, almost punishing her. She probably deserved it. Who didn’t in this world? We were all scumbags now. We were all our worst selves now. You had to be to survive.  
She reached for her water bottle in the side pocket of her backpack. She looked at the contents, maybe a cup left. It almost made her heart ache, the sight of the sad water bottle. She took a small sip, worried she would waste it. She wondered how far away the next society was. She had been bouncing from one place to the next. She had learned her lesson, learned that staying too long meant getting involved which meant caring which meant death. She was cold and calculating now. She survived. She helped when she could, but she looked out for herself first.  
The sun was low in the sky, just before starting to set. She kept an eye out for somewhere good to stop for the night. It was all relative now, nowhere was really good. She kept walking until she couldn’t muster up the will and walked off the road into the woods. She walked around for a minute and found a spot that would do and started to set up before it got dark. She had just about finished putting her spikes around the tent when she heard screaming and yelling. She grabbed her gun and knife and ran towards the sound.  
She came unto a clearing where a hoard of dead were attacking a group of people. She stayed behind a tree, not wanting to make herself known unless they absolutely needed her help.  
“Come on you lazy motherfuckers! Get your asses into high gear!” Yelled a tall man bound in leather and wielding a baseball bat. She watched him. He was careless. His work was sloppy and without concern for his own safety. He looked like he was there for fun. His men were fighting like their lives depended on it, which was good because it did. She was almost intrigued. But something told her not to go down there. The dead were coming in all around the men, they were being overwhelmed. She could see the panic on their faces, even the man in leather was starting to falter. She sighed to herself. She could feel herself being pulled. She had to help or she wouldn’t get any sleep. It was purely for selfish reasons that she got up and started towards them.  
She fired towards the dead. Taking out at least two with each shot, her precision impeccable. She started slashing them with her large bowie knife and shooting. The men got a second wind and started back up. She looked over at the man in leather who was about to be bitten and fired just past his head into the dead’s. She stood in the middle of the clearing surrounded by dead and splattered in dark blood, her gun smoking and a twinkle in her eye. She had to admit she liked being challenged, though this wasn’t much of one.  
“Well...shit.” The man in leather exclaimed looking at the dead on the ground and back up at her. “You are an unexpected surprise, but a fucking most welcome one for sure.” He said, a grin like the Cheshire cat forming on his face.  
“Your welcome.” She said showing little to no emotion, keeping herself guarded.  
“Where are my manners? I’m so fucking sorry darlin’ my name is...Negan.” He said moving closer to her and reaching out his hand. She looked at it for a moment. Something was telling her that this moment was bigger than she could realise.  
“Lynna.” She stated and took his hand. She had shivers but couldn’t place why.  
“Lynna. Well that about the prettiest damn name I’ve ever heard. Now tell me, Lynna,” He smiled wider when he said her name. “Why is are you out here all on your own?”  
“Who said I was alone?” Lynna bit back.  
“I would assume your compatriots would have given you had out here if you had any. Plus you got the look of someone who has been out here by themselves for a long time, maybe too long.” He said leaning closer to her. Lynna didn’t move an inch the closer he got, standing her ground she told herself.  
“I like being by myself.” She told him, not entirely a lie but not entirely truthful.  
“I see. So we couldn’t possibly persuade you to come back with us then?” He sighed looking down at her.  
“No. I don’t trust men.” She stated without hesitation. She was a bit taken back when he chuckled and nodded his head.  
“Well, I get that darling’. I really fucking do. Men are absolutely fucking beasts sometimes. I know I can be. Oh sure, but I’m a bit better than most. I have rules.” He told her. She could see how proud of himself he was. It made her annoyed.  
“They all say that and they always break them. I’ve seen what men can do, with or without rules.” She spat.  
“True. I won’t push ya. Why don’t you just come with us back to our place, stay the night. A real fucking bed, not the cold hard ground. Will give ya some supplies, you can have a hot fucking shower and we’ll send you on your way. How about that? As a thank you for helping us out with this...situation.” He offered a wide grin on his face as he leaned down a bit closer.  
She wanted to refuse, but she wasn’t in a particular position to say no. Plus she couldn’t help but perk up at the mention of a hot shower. She hadn’t had one in years, relegated to streams and lakes to be clean. It wasn’t the same. She bit her lip, struggling with the decision. She usually did her research before going into a community. Scoping them out for no less than a week.  
“Alright, just for the night. I could use the supplies.” She said feeling the hair on the back of her neck stand up. He smiled down at her and clapped his hands, making her jump slightly.  
“Hot damn! Grab your shit and we’ll get going.” He told her. She walked back to her came and collected her things. Her mind wouldn’t stop wandering. She had made a rash decision. Something she rarely did. She knew that deep down he might have been a good person once. But so was everybody. She was once. But not anymore. She walked back and a man went to grab her bag from her and she stepped back.  
“I’m just going to put it in the back of the truck. You’ll get it back when we get there. Promise.” He told her. She didn’t like being without her bag, it made her feel more secure.  
“You can trust Simon. He’s my right hand man. He’ll take care of your things.” Negan said. Lynna sighed and handed her bag over. Simon nodded and went to the back of the truck.  
“Well, Lynna, your motherfucking chariot awaits.” Megan chuckled holding open the door to the rusty truck for her. She climbed in and sat down as Negan got in the driver’s seat. They started their journey back to this community. She wasn’t sure what awaited her there and it made her stomach knotted.  
“Lynna, why don’t you tell me where you’re from. Ya know, before everything went shit.” Negan said. Lynna contemplated speaking to him. She could just keep her mouth shut, he didn’t need this information it was just conversation to occupy either time or the awkward air.  
“Michigan. Detroit.” She stated. She wouldn’t take her eyes off him, but made mental notes as to where they were going based on what she could see in the window beside him.  
“Well no shit you’re such a badass then. Detroit was a rough town. Can’t imagine what it’s like now!” He laughed.  
“I did alright.” Lynna shrugged.  
“I bet you did darlin. Why the hell are you all the way out here then? Michigan is a long fucking way from D.C. or Virginia.”  
“I was trying to be in politics. Wanted to try and make the world a better place or some shit like that. I was an intern for a senator.” Lynna said chuckling to herself.  
“What’s so funny?” Negan asked, quizzical.  
“It all seems like such a waste now. All the time I spent in class debating laws and bullshit. I never even got a chance to try. It did prepare me for how shitty people can be though. One good thing.” She sighed.  
“I bet it did. Glad you never were a politician. They were all gross. I like you. But how does a woman studying to be in politics know how to shoot so goddamn well? I mean shit! You gave me a run for my fucking money!” He said slapping the steering wheel.  
“My family liked to hunt. We’d go up to the U.P. and hunt. I always had a knack for it.” She said unconsciously relaxing into her seat. “And I did shoot better than you.” She told him.  
“I’ll give you this time. But it ain’t gonna happen again.” He told her as he looked at her and gave her a smile. There was something dangerous in his eyes. It frightened her and enthralled her. She wanted to know more about him. Understand who he was.  
“So you’re out here alone, surviving. Always like that or did you have people at the start?” Negan asked, clearly trying to be delicate with the matter. People always wanted to know, but always knew how sensitive a subject it was. It irritated Lynna to no end, but she knew they meant well.  
“No. I had people. Now I don’t.” She stated, her voice strong and her eye dry. She showed no emotion. She had trained herself to. Couldn’t afford to be emotional and certainly couldn’t afford the lost fluid.  
“Fair enough. I want you to know that as long as you’re with us no one will hurt you. As long as you follow the rules. No man or woman will touch you unless you ask them to. We have a system here, I don’t want you running around telling people I give shit away. I most certainly fucking don’t. We work on a points system. You work, earn points, you get shit. You take what you earn. Now, what you did back there was more than enough to get you a bed and supplies and that shower. Probably more, but I don’t want you thinking I’m an easy fuck.” He winked at her.  
“If anyone did touch me they’d be missing a limb, but fine. And I don’t want what I don’t earn.” She stated looking at him as if he had insulted her by thinking she would.  
“Good. You’d make a great part of the team. I know you said you don’t want to stay, but it’s a nice fucking place. Feel free to change your mind.” He said, his voice velvet. She doubted she would like it. What place is nice now? Nowhere is nice. There is always something wrong.  
“I wouldn’t hold your breath.” She said, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. He chuckled and sighed looking at her for a long moment then back to the road.  
“Well, here we are Lynna. Welcome to the motherfucking Sanctuary.” He gestured to the compound rising in front of them. It was bigger than any place Lynna had seen. This place was different. He was different. But was that good?


	2. Ch 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna arrives at the Sanctuary.

Lynna climbed out of the truck taking in the sights around her. She didn’t know what to make of it. She watched the dead on the fence, a tactic she had never thought to use. Negan had to be smarter than she was giving him credit for to run a place like this.   
“Well, home sweet fucking home. What do you think?” Negan asked walking up behind her. She turned to him and opened her mouth to speak, but lost the words. Negan laughed and nodded.   
“Has that effect on people when they first see it.” He said looking around proud of his creation.   
“What do you do to keep it this way? What have you done?” She asked. She wasn’t just going to trust this guy. She wasn’t going to let him off easy.   
“I’ve done what had to be done. I do what I fucking need to do to keep my people safe.” He told her, his voice growing dark and serious for the first time. Lynna knew he was one of the most dangerous people she’d met on her journey.   
She was lead through the halls of the Sanctuary, shown all of it. Where people who weren’t Saviours slept, the kitchen, the market. She couldn’t help but be impressed. She was taken to a room away from everyone else.   
“You’ll sleep in here tonight. That door across the hall, is my room. If you need anything you just come knocking.” He told her gesturing towards the door. She wanted to see what it was like. How opulent was it compared to everything else?   
The door in front of her opened and Simon was standing there. He gave her a smile and nodded to Negan.   
“Just putting your things in the room for you. Everythings there except your gun.” He told her. They took her gun. She spun on her feet to face Negan, anger in her eyes. People didn’t take her gun from her.   
“I want my gun. Where is my gun? Where is my gun!?” She yelled at him, ready to launch. Negan looked down at her and up to Simon. She looked dangerous. He liked it. He liked how angry she was, how ready to fight him she was.   
“No one gets to have a gun around here. It’s been catalogued and put in the armory. You can get anytime you want, but you don’t get to just carry a gun around MY fucking Sanctuary. Just ain’t gonna happen.” He told her, his face was light and smiling still, while his voice was dark. Like he was waiting for her to fight him.   
“Why don’t you go in the room, shower and get some rest. You can see your pretty gun in the morning.” He teased her. She looked up at him, her brow furrowed and lips pursed. She quickly raised a hand punched Negan square in the jaw. Simon quickly grabbed hold of her arms to keep her from doing it again. She struggled against his grip. He was stronger than he looked.  
Negan held onto his jaw and groaned. He checked to see if there was blood, not much to be worried about. He looked back down and at her and gave a gravelly chuckle.   
“Careful sweetheart, people don’t get to hit me and get away with it.” He hissed an inch away from her face.   
“People don’t take my gun without being punished.” She growled. They kept their eyes locked on each other for a long minute. They were both sizing each other up. Seeing if the other could be trusted for a few hours. Seeing if it was worth the obvious risk.   
“Let her go Simon. She didn’t damage this pretty fucking face too badly. I’ll still get laid.” He smiled. “Get some rest. If you need anything….anything at all you can come to my room. Always an open door for you darlin’.” He said giving her a wink and walking away.   
Lynna got a shiver down her spine as she watched him walk away. She thought about just getting her things and leaving. But it was probably best not to push any buttons. She walked into the room. There was a bed, an actual bed with pillows and sheets and blankets. It was the most beautiful thing she’d seen in a long time. It made her laugh. She thought a bed was beautiful. How stupid that sounded. She wanted to just jump in and go to sleep, but remembered the promise of a hot shower. She walked into the bathroom and was taken back by how clean it was. The whole room was clean and decorated. It felt too good to be true. But she turned the shower on anyway.  
Lynna smiled as the hot water collided with her skin. She hadn’t felt this good in so long. She felt actually clean for the first time in a very long time. They had left her soap and even shampoo. Lynna couldn’t remember when she had given her hair a good wash with shampoo. She lost track of how long she was in the shower for and had to pry herself away from it. She dried off and looked in the mirror. She looked as different as she felt.   
Her brain wouldn’t stop wandering as she put her clothes on. She wanted to know what was really going on here. Everyone did terrible things now, but how terrible were the things happening here? They couldn’t be good to keep all of this safe.   
She pulled her boots on and quietly crept out of the room. She slid along the wall, towards Negan’s room. She stopped beside it and listened. She could faintly hear him speaking to someone. She could barely make out what was being said.   
“Even covered in filth she was still gorgeous. I mean shit! I ain’t ever met a woman who could pull off the whole covered in blood and dirt look. Not like that at least.” She heard him say laughing.   
“Not to mention she’s a hell of a fucking fighter. No doubt about that!” He said.   
“You gonna try and make her a wife?” She heard someone ask, it sounded like Simon but she couldn’t be sure.  
“Hell no! She’s too good for that. Though the thought had crossed my mind. I can’t keep something like that caged up. Much too beautiful for a cage.” He said. She could hear the yearning in his voice. He wanted her. Bad.   
She kept walking, opening doors she thought weren’t bedrooms. Trying to find something to tell her what happens here. She walked along a hallway and could hear music. It sounded familiar. She followed the music to a door. It was much too loud to be causal listening. There was no window on the door and it was locked. She pulled a pin from her pocket, something she kept on her at all times. She carefully picked the lock and opened the door to find a man with long brown hair in the corner. He looked terrible. Clearly they were torturing him. She wanted to not be shocked by it. This wasn’t even close to the worst thing she’d found in a community. The man looked up at her confused.   
“Go. Ya need to go ‘fore you get caught.” he told her. She didn’t need to be told twice and shut the door. She walked back to her room. Should she had helped him? What if he was worse than Negan and that's why he was in there? She could have let him out and all hell would have let loose. She didn’t dwell on it. She sat on the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. She shouldn’t have come here. This was a mistake. But she was stuck, at least for the night. She put her head on the pillow and curled up. She thought she wouldn’t sleep at all, but it was almost immediate. Her body hadn’t been that comfortable in a very long time.   
Lynna walked across the field. It was all so familiar. She knew where she was. She called out, but no sound came from her throat. A boy walked up to her smiling and bright. He looked like the sun.   
“Lynna! Lynna, I thought we’d never see you again!” he cheered grabbing her hands and leading her further into the field and up a hill.   
They got to the top and she could see to her horror on the other side of the hill was a field covered in bodies. She looked closer and began to weep. Their faces were all familiar. She knew them. She killed them.   
“Was I so bad Lynna?” The boy asked tugging on her arm. She looked down at him and saw half his face had been blown off. She tried to scream, but no noise came.   
“Was I really so bad that you thought I should die?” He yelled, screaming at her as he jumped at her.   
“You should be here! You should be dead Lynna! You deserve this! You deserve all of this Lynna! Lynna!!” He screamed clawing at her.   
Lynna woke up out of breath, covered in sweat and crying. There was a harsh pounding on the door. She rubbed her face, trying to cover up the fact that she had been crying. She padded over to the door and swung it open was greeted with Negan leaning on the door frame, smiling as wide as ever.   
“Thought I would escort you to breakfast. I’m fucking gentleman that way.” He snickered. She sighed, the last person she wanted to see when she woke up was him.   
“Oh come on darlin’ it’s just breakfast. Get your pretty little ass into high gear so we can eat!” He teased. She went back into the room and grabbed her bag. Negan couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She looked completely different all cleaned up and damn if he didn’t like it.   
“Let’s just get this over with so I can leave.” She said and they started walking. He was walking very close, his leather jacket brushing up against her arm. His hand was just millimeters away from holding hers. She could feel her breath catch. What on earth was wrong with her? Had she lost her mind? This man was dangerous! She was dangerous. What could they be together? A force to be reckoned with. She shook her head trying to get the thought away.   
“They entered the cafeteria and got food and sat a table alone. Lynna dug into her food, it was the most food she’d had in ages. She had been surviving on protein bars and cans of beans for months, having to ration them as well.   
“Take it easy there sweetheart, you’ll make yourself sick.” He chuckled. She looked cute shoving food into her mouth like a hamster.   
“I’m not your sweetheart. Darlin’ I don’t mind. Sweetheart I really fucking mind.” She told him between bites.   
“Alright, alright. I get it. Won’t say it to you again.” He said putting his hands up. He started in on his own food. He kept watching her, he was intrigued. He could tell she felt the same. He could tell that she didn’t like that at all.   
“Why do you have a man locked away and why are you torturing him?” She asked with venom as she made direct eye contact. It caught him off guard. He sat back in his chair with a sigh.   
“Someone was snooping around last night instead of getting their beauty sleep.” he grumbled frustrated. He wanted to like her, he wanted her to have nice things. But damn was she making it hard.   
“That isn’t an answer.” She growled.   
“Him and his people killed a bunch of my men. We had to punish them. We did, but he decided to punch me and I can’t have that. Not in front of my men. He’s being punished. He’s being turned into a soldier.” He told her, not hiding from her question. He watched her face looking to see if she was upset by this information.   
“I punched you. Why didn’t I get thrown in the cell?” She asked challenging him. He leaned closer to her smiling.   
“Everyone gets one. People get emotional, can’t help that. But one, that’s it.” He whispered cold and harsh.   
“Plus, I don’t hurt women unless I absolutely have to. You’re smart, I could tell that the moment I saw you. You knew it wouldn’t end well if you kept going.” He smiled, it made the hair on the back her neck stick up. He snapped his fingers and a man came over and picked up their trays.   
“Why don’t we get you some supplies and you can get going. Don’t want to start too late in the day.” He was so damn cocky. It made her laugh to herself. She sat in the chair for a moment, her head down. Something was telling her to stay. It didn’t seem like a bad idea.   
Negan watched her for a moment. She was clearly having an argument with herself. One he wasn’t privy to but knew what it was anyway. His smile grew. He was working his charms on her, that was for sure. But they didn’t always work so well, especially with a woman like this.   
“What if…..what if I want to stay a while longer? I could use the rest.” She stated, not wanting him to think he had any part in the decision. But she knew that's how he would take it. She looked up at him and sure enough he had a shit eating grin on his face.   
“Well, I would say you are more than fucking welcome to stay darlin’. But you gotta work for it. This ain’t a motherfucking hotel.” He told her.   
“Yeah I know. I know. I’m good fighter. I can scavenge. I’m a hard worker. I keep up.” She told him.   
“I saw that last night. You’re good. Maybe you could be great.” He teased.  
“I am a great fighter. You’re fucking lucky I didn’t kill you with damn spoon.” She growled.   
“Feisty, I like it.” He said leaning back to take her all in. “Darlin’ you can stay. I’ll put you with Simon. He’s the best around, besides me of course. He’ll teach you the ropes. But I better not hear about you trying to go rogue and break anyone out.” He told her leaning down close to her.   
“If he killed that many people that you’re mad about. He must deserve what he’s getting.” She said. He could see a dark twinkle in her eyes. There was something to her that was vicious and mysterious. He loved it.   
She had to figure out what was keeping her here. Why she was so interested. She needed to know why she wanted to be near this Negan.


	3. Ch 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna goes on her first run. Things don't go as planned.

Lynna sat in the truck staring out the window, stuck in her mind. She had been in the Sanctuary for just about a week. They had been teaching her their rules and way of life. Negan wouldn’t let her out on a run until she had completed a defense session with Simon. She of course didn’t need this lesson and took poor Simon out every exercise. He was pretty bruised and battered, but didn’t seem to mind having a good pupil for once. This was her first run, small one. There had been a sighting of an old grocery store about an hour out.   
“You said you were from Detroit? But moved out here?” Simon enquired.  
“Yeah, after school for my career. Why?” She asked looking over at him and quietly giggling to herself as she saw the bruise on his bicep.   
“I saw your necklace. Snowbird? That’s someone who lives up north but comes south for the winter. Makes more sense now.” He shrugged. Lynna’s hand automatically went to the necklace. She usually kept it hidden under her shirt, but he must have caught a glimpse of it when they were practicing.   
“Yeah...there was a B&B up where my family would hunt called Snowbird. My dad used to call me that. Said I was resourceful like a snowbird. Knew when to get out of town. Didn’t know how useful it would be later.” She said clearing her throat. She wasn’t usually so open with people, not that what she told Simon was overly personal. Simon and her had grown to respect each other over the course of the week. He knew when to keep shit to himself. He didn’t seem bad at all to her, but there’s always hidden nooks and crannies to people.   
“That’s good nickname. Snowbird, it’s pretty but not like frilly or something. Fits you is what I’m trying to say.” Simon smiled.   
“You think I’m pretty Simon? Oh gosh!” She mocked him, fanning herself with her hand.   
“Nah! Well, yeah you are. A blind man could see how damn pretty you are. I meant you aren’t soft but I can tell that you could be gentle when the situation called for it.” He explained, flashing a soft smile her way. She smiled back, it was a nice moment. She cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable with how nice they were being to each other.   
“Doesn’t it bother you that your mustache gets in your mouth? I’ve always wondered why men let their facial hair get in their mouth. It’d bother me.” She laughed awkwardly trying to change the subject.   
“Honestly I don’t notice it much. Don’t matter, this thing is a masterpiece and I wouldn’t shave it for Christ himself!” He yelled brushing his mustache with his hands and admiring it in the mirror. Lynna couldn’t help but giggle.   
The truck pulled up to the grocery store and of course the parking lot was full of the dead. Lynna sighed, she had hoped this would be an easy first go. Clearly the world had other plans. She got out and rummaged threw the bags in the back of the truck.   
“Seems like you got a plan there. Care to fill me in?” Simon asked leaning on the back.   
“Distraction. There’s probably more in the store, but if we can just get these away it’ll be slightly less difficult.” She told him. “Ah!” She smiled and grabbed a grenade from the bag. She climbed onto the roof of the truck, pulled the pin and threw the grenade as far away from the store as she could. As soon as the grenade exploded the walkers started towards it. It worked much better than she had actually hoped it would. She jumped down and they drove up to the entrance. The loaded up with weapons and ammo and went in. Lynna looked around the store, it seemed empty. Not much to pick from, but there might be something.   
“You go right, I’ll go left?” Simon asked. Lynna shook her head.   
“I don’t think we should be alone. Who knows what’s lurking in here.” She stated. Simon didn’t argue. They started towards the pharmacy. To their surprise there was still quite a bit to be taken. They started piling into the bags.   
“I can’t believe this hasn’t been touched. Antibiotics!? It’s a jackpot!” Lynna said as she took everything.   
“Even still got pregnancy tests.” Simon laughed.   
“Who’s getting knocked up in the apocalypse?” She chuckled.   
“Negan’s the one with all the wives.” He laughed. “I’m sure the doc can use them for something. I ain’t a scientist but maybe they can be broken down and useful.”  
“Maybe. Although might need to save one for Sherry, she’s look rather round. Though that could be all the chocolate Negan gives them.” Lynna and Simon laughed. Lynna caught herself. She suddenly felt bad. She knew why some of them were there. Hell she couldn’t hate anyone who was just trying to survive.   
“Let’s go check the back. Might be some food in storage.” She suggested, wanting to leave the gross feeling behind. They threw the bags in the back of the truck and went back in. They walked down the aisles, weapons at the ready. They opened the door to storage and there was a few pallets of canned goods left. They found a pallet mover and started moving them to the truck. They got all except one loaded up and went back in for the last one.   
“You’re gonna look like a goddamn hero bringing this shit back on your first run.” Simon smiled patting her on the back. They started loading up the pallet and Lynna went to start the truck.   
“Think we should take this loader back too? Could be useful?” She suggested.   
“Suppose you’re right. Help me get it in the back.” Simon told her. They both hauled it in and looked rather proud of themselves. Lynna heard an odd shuffling and out of nowhere a walker came from behind Simon and before she get her gun out, before Simon could move out of the way, he put his arm up trying to push it back, it bit down into his hand. He let out a blood curdling scream and Lynna shot the walker in the head before catching Simon.   
“Shit! Oh fuck! Seriously!?! Shit!!” He cried out.   
“We gotta get you in the truck! Come on, stand up!” Lynna yelled seeing the hoard of walked coming back. She dragged him into the truck before climbing in herself. She looked flustered. Simon was writhing in pain. She started undoing his belt from his pants.   
“Not the time Lynna! REALLY not the time!!” He shouted.   
“Will you shut up! You know what I have to do!” She yelled at him. She tied the belt around his arm as tight as she could trying to stop as much blood flow she could. She pulled out her Bowie knife and sighed looking up at Simon with sorry written all over her face.   
“Do it. Just do it Lynna.” He told her giving her a reassuring nod. They both knew there wasn’t another option. She took a breath and raised the knife over her head and swiftly and as hard as she could brought it down into Simon’s hand. He let out a scream that made all of Lynna’s hair stand on end. She hacked a few more times until his hand unceremoniously flopped onto the floor. She took her jacket off and wrapped it around the exposed stump and wrapped her belt and it to try and keep pressure on it.   
“Simon, you gotta try and stay awake.” She told him giving him a good shake and putting his one hand over the stump. “Ya gotta try and keep pressure on it. Keep breathing. I’ll get you home.” She told him and sped out of the parking lot and down the road. She kept her panic inside. Not wanting Simon to be anymore worried than he was. She wasn’t sure if they had time to get home. Would he make it? She wasn’t going to give up that was for damn sure.   
“Simon, talk to me. It’ll help you stay awake. Come on, what were you like before all this shit? Something buddy!” She yelled her eyes flicking from the road to him and back.   
“I was an art teacher….Bartender on the weekends.” He mumbled. She could tell he was fighting hard to stay awake.   
“An art teacher!?! You’re kidding me! You don’t look like an art teacher. Bartender sure, art teacher no.” She laughed nervously.  
“I fucking loved art. I loved all that shit from the 20s. I loved teaching kids. Telling them the stories behind paintings and watching them fall in love too. It was awesome.” He chuckled.   
“Oh yeah? Well, who’s your favorite then? I always like Van Gogh.” She said putting a hand on his shoulder to try and keep him upright.   
“Dali was the shit. Surrealism was my favorite. Made you see beyond your own thought process.” He coughed.   
“Really profound shit coming out of the hick mouth! Keep your hand-...arm high.” She said helping raise his arm over his head.   
“Hicks can be profound too, ya little racist.” He chuckled. He couldn’t fight it anymore. His eyes closed and he was out cold.   
“Simon? No, come on buddy you can’t do this to me on my first run! That’s not fair! Simon!” She yelled shaking him but there was no response. “Fuck!!” She screamed and stamped on the gas pedal going much faster than she should.   
The truck came screeching down the road toward the Sanctuary. Lynna was driving like a crazy woman. She could see the guards looking around and panicking as she drove closer.  
“We’re home Simon. We made it buddy!” She yelled shaking him, he groaned but that was it. She drove up to the gate, stopping hard. She leaned out the with window so they could see it was her.   
“Open the damn gate! Simon’s hurt!” She screamed and watched as the gate flew open and she drove in. She jumped out of truck and ran, tripping on her way to get to Simon. She pulled him out. “He got bit! I had to chop it! Help!” She yelled as men came running up and grabbing him. She ran after them as they made their way to the medical bay. They threw him down on a bed as the doctor started working.   
“He’s lost a lot of blood. I should be able to fix this up not too bad of a job.” He said looking to Lynna.  
“Isn’t my first amputation.” Lynna stated coldly. “I’ll give blood, I’m O positive.” She said. Doctor Carson sat her down and put a needle in her arm, and started filling a bag. He instructed one of the men to fill only three. She sat there staring at Simon and watching her blood fill the bag. She was mad. She had let her guard down and was careless. She shouldn’t have been so careless. This was all her fault. She couldn’t shake that this was all her fault. She had been here a week and had gotten Negan’s right hand man nearly killed. He was nice to her and this was how she repaid him. She cursed herself. She started to get light headed as the third bag of blood filled up.   
Negan came bursting through the door demanding to know what happened. The doctor told him Lynna had down everything she could have. Lynna tried to protest but was caught off guard by Negan’s hand on her shoulder.   
“Hey! Lucas! I said no more than three!” Carson yelled as Lynna noticed four bags filled with her blood sat next to her. Negan took the needle out of your arm and bandaged you.   
“Come with me. We need to talk.” He demanded. Lynna stood but swayed back and forth for a moment. She took a step and tumbled forward into him. He grabbed hold of her and picked her up bridal style as he walked out of the med bay to his room. He laid you down on his blue couch and brought her a glass of juice.   
“Drink, the sugar will help.” he told her. Lynna sipped at the juice but wasn’t in the mood for it. He was angry, he should be. She almost killed his best friend.  
“I’m sorry. It was my fault. We got too proud of our find. We...we...I got careless.” She said her voice cracking.   
“I don’t like that on your first run you nearly killed my best man, but this isn’t anyone’s fault. Walkers happen, ain’t much you can do but try and kill ‘em before they kill you. The important thing is that you knew how to handle the situation. You saved Simon really.” He told her leaning back in his seat.   
“Why are you being so damn nice to me? I almost killed your friend! You should be fuming!” She yelled confused and her head hurt.   
“Hey! Don’t yell at me for being nice! It’s confusing! Not to mention rude.” He said with a stern voice. “Look you gave more blood than you should have, your tired. We’ll talk when you’ve rested.” He said moving to offer her his hand. She smacked it away, angry. She wanted him to be mad at her. She wanted someone to blame her they way she always blamed herself. She stood up and started for the door but went too far too fast and stumbled backwards falling to the ground. She saw Negan’s face, concern written on it before it all went black.   
Negan picked her up from the floor, checking to make sure she hadn’t hurt her head, and brought her to his bed. He laid her under the blankets and sighed.   
“Woman, I think you might just be the death of me. Already most trouble we’ve had around here and it’s only been a week!” He laughed shaking his head.


	4. Ch 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna deals with the aftermath. Negan deals with Lynna.

Lynna woke to a pounding in her head. It was like someone was banging on drums only she could hear. She stretched out on the silk sheets and realised she wasn’t in her bed. She looked around the blue room confused. She thought as hard as she could, she couldn’t remember getting here. She fell. Negan was there. She sucked in her breath realising she was in his room.   
She sat up looking around and spotted him on the couch reading. It was surprising site, she never thought of him as a reader. He looked almost normal, not regal or powerful, just average. It was endearing. A smile almost formed on her face, but she pushed it away. She remembered Simon, she cut his hand off.   
“Simon!” She yelled jumping up and almost falling over, but fighting it she started for the door.   
“Whoa! Whoa there darlin’!” Negan jumped up and wrapped an arm around her waist.   
“I need to see him. I need to check on him!” She said trying to fight her way out of his arms. She was too weak to even impact his grip. It frustrated her.   
“He’s doing fine. Carson’s taking care of him. But you need to rest. Doc said you’ll be out of comission for a day or two. Lost a good amount of blood cause of that idiot Lucas.” He scoffed.   
“I don’t care! I need to see him myself!” Lynna yelled trying in vain to get away. Negan’s grip wasn’t loosening. He let her struggle for a minute until she tired out.   
“Are you finished?” He asked raising his brow. “Now, I have a suggestion. I’ll take you to see him, but you have to come back here. You clearly need to be supervised until you don’t wobble around anymore.” He chuckled. “I can’t have you falling and cracking your pretty little head on the floor.” He told her with a big grin.   
“Fine. Just take me to see him and I’ll come back so you can stalk me.” She growled.   
“Alright. See? We can make compromises here darlin’.” He grinned. She pushed herself away from him and started walking to the medical bay. Negan walked beside her and kept a hand on the small of her back. She found it both comforting and aggravating.   
“What are you doing that for?” She demanded, gesturing towards his hand on her back.   
“Darlin’ you are like a jenga tower right now. If I don’t keep hold of you, you’ll collapse and I’ll have to pick up the pieces. Don’t get too comfortable with it. I’m not all that warm and fuzzy.” He told her leaning close to her ears, making the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She huffed and kept going.   
They walked into the med bay and Lynna rushed to Simon’s bed. He was awake and talking to a couple of guys, joking about how they all should call him captain hook once he gets one. It was almost off-putting to see him smile after what had happened. After seeing him nearly die. Lynna felt the guilt in her throat again.   
“The lady of the hour!” Simon cheered. “I’d clap for you but…” He waved his stump around and shrugged. Lynna forced a smile.   
“Just wanted to make sure you were doing alright.” She said suddenly feeling small again. She forced it away and stood up a little straighter. “Hope I didn’t make it too gross looking for you.” She attempted to joke.   
“There’s no way you could make any of this gross.” He snickered gesturing to his whole body and giving her a wink. “From what I hear you took a little too much for the team yourself. You look about as alive as the fucker who bit me.” He smiled but there was a concern in his eyes.   
“Oh yeah, she really shouldn’t even be fucking standing. Woman’s stubborn as hell though, thought I’d appease her.” Negan laughed patting her shoulder.   
“Just felt the need to make sure you weren’t dead or anything.” She shrugged. Simon looked at her and sighed.   
“Alright, everybody go. I need to talk to her alone.” Simon ordered. The men left except Negan who remained standing at her side. Simon stared at him, but thought it better not to argue with him quite yet. “Lynna, I can tell you blame yourself and that is about the stupidest shit. You didn’t do anything wrong. If anything I should have been looking out more. I’m the commanding officer as it were and I take the blame.” He told her his tone the most serious she had heard from the man.   
“But I should have seen it. I let my guard down too much.” She protested, her voice strong and unwavering.   
“Yeah, no. I don’t think so. You don’t get to blame yourself. This was just a mistake that happened and really no is to blame.” Simon told her flash a bright smile. “Now go get some sleep. You look like shit.” He told her. Lynna sighed and nodded.   
Negan walked next to her, quiet. He didn’t want her to be any more upset than she was. Lynna was still angry with herself. If anything, Simon’s words made it worse than before. She wanted to scream and kick and run away again. Negan’s hand slid to her lower back again, it pulled her out of her thoughts. She must have been wobbling again. Could she leave him? Never see him again? She didn’t want that. Not yet at least.   
“Alright, you go lay down. No funny business, like we talked.” Negan said leading her back into the room. Lynna huffed and walked in. She stood in the room and suddenly felt very stuck. She wanted run, but she needed to stay.   
“Don’t know what you’re thinking darlin’ but don’t make me put you in that fucking bed myself.” He smiled. Lynna glared at him and walked towards him.   
“Why? Why don’t you just lock me in my room? Or lock me away with your wives? Keep a guard on me? Why are YOU keeping watch on me?” She demanded.   
“You better watch that tone real fucking quick or I’ll throw your pretty ass into a cell.” He growled.  
“You. Didn’t. Answer. My. Question!” She yelled. She pushed against his chest, he barely moved, but it felt satisfying. He grabbed her hands.  
“You’re special. Right? You know it. I knew it the moment I saw you in the woods. If I locked you in your room, you’d get out and take down any fucker I stationed there and be gone before I knew about it. I don’t trust anyone to keep a watch on you and I don’t want to lose an asset like you.” He said and inch from her face.   
“I’m not your wife. I’m not like them. Don’t think I could be.” She barked pushing in closer.   
“I never did. I never thought you would be a wife. You were too good to keep in here. It would hurt more than anything. You need to hunt.” He said not backing down. “Now are you going back to bed?” He growled.  
“I’ll go to bed when I feel like it.” She snapped and let go of him, stumbling backwards. Negan reached out and caught her. He picked her up and threw her into the bed.   
“You ever gonna trust that I’m not going to hurt you?” He asked with a cocked eyebrow.  
“You haven’t given me enough evidence.” Lynna spat. Negan pulled the blankets over her and walked away. Lynna thought about getting up, taking him out and running, but the pounding in her head came back and it made it hard to think or function. She’d given blood before and it knocked her out every time. Her body didn’t like giving away it’s blood. But She’d only ever given a pint at a time. This was more than her body could handle. She drifted to sleep.   
She woke up and looked over. She thought she saw Negan in a chair in front of the door, reading. He looked fuzzy, and like he was underwater. He looked up at her and said something but it didn’t register.   
“You’re the devil or you’re an angel…” Lynna mumbled and could hear Negan laugh. He flashed her smile and said something else but it sounded far away. She flopped back down and was out again.   
Lynna stood swaying back and forth looking at herself in the mirror. She couldn’t remember going to the bathroom. She couldn’t place how she got there. She looked around the room and sighed. It was bright and made the headache worse. She was warm and it was making her grumpy. She slowly got onto the floor of the bathroom and sighed in relief as the cool tile met her hot skin.   
Negan came into the room and found her on the floor and yelled something, she assumed a curse word of some sort. He grabbed her off the floor and she started whining and kicking, trying to get away.   
“No! Please, it felt so nice!” She groaned. She kept trying to get away, but to no avail and was put back into bed. She looked up as Negan leant over and put his hand on her forehead.   
“Shit darlin’! You’re burning up!” He said before leaving from her view. She whined and kicked the blankets off of herself. She hadn’t been sick in years. She had been lucky and kept it at bay. Nothing more than the sniffles or a sore throat. This was proper sick now and it made her anxiety sky rocket.   
Carson put his stethoscope on her skin and made Lynna jump. She looked at him and grabbed him by the shirt, surprising him and Negan.   
“Make me better! Or I’m taking your finger nails!” She screamed louder than she understood. Carson looked shook. Negan pried her hands from the doctor’s shirt. She fell back down into the bed.   
“It’s just a fever. It can happen when giving blood. Not to mention how much she gave. I gave her some antibiotics, but it’s mostly a waiting game. Just try and keep her cooled down, I’ll leave you some ice packs.” Carson said. Negan mumbled something back.   
“No! No!! Not again! Please!!” Lynna screamed, sweat covering her body as she tossed and turned yelling.   
“Lynna! Lynna wake up!” Negan said shaking her shoulders. She jolted awake ready to fight. She swung and connected with his jaw before realising what was actually happening.   
“Negan! I’m sorry!” She said as she started to cry again. He sat up rubbing his face.   
“You have got to stop fucking doing that!” He said. “You were having a bad dream. You were gonna wake up the whole goddamn compound.” He groaned. Lynna covered her face, she couldn’t control her emotions, the room was spinning and she thought she might vomit. Negan wrapper her up in his arms.   
“It’s okay darlin’ it was just a dream. Everything’s alright.” He told her. She tried to push away, but had no strength. He held on tight whispering to her nice things. She slowly fell asleep in his arms. He laid her back down gently and padded back over to the couch to go back to sleep.  
Lynna stretched and yawned, woken by a stream of sunlight hitting her face. She sat up and looked around. There were used ice packs sat all around her and water on the nightstand. She looked over and saw Negan walking in with a tray of food.   
“Oh. You’re awake. Are you actually lucid or are we still fever dreaming?” He asked wary of to approach with a tray full of food or not.   
“No. I’m fine. How long was I out?” She asked rubbing her head. It still felt fuzzy, but she could control herself again. She never did handle fevers well.   
“Couple of days, in and out.” He laughed bringing food over. “Carson says you need to eat.” He told her. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she saw food. She happily accepted. She slowly ate the food and felt Negan’s gaze on her. She looked up at him and saw the bruise on his jaw.   
“Oh...did I do that?” She inquired. She didn’t want to hurt him. Not yet at least, he hadn’t done anything yet.   
“You most certainly fucking did. After I was trying to help you with a bad dream, cold cocked me.” He said rubbing it with his hand.   
“I’m sorry.” She said feeling guilty. She punched him and he was trying to help her. She had her own set of rules and one of those rules is to never hurt someone who was helping. She broke her own rule and didn’t even know it.   
“Aw, it’s fine darlin’. It ain’t fun being woken up nowadays. You never know what's happening. But you will have to repay me for it.” He grinned. “Just haven’t figured out how yet.” His grin kept getting wider. She couldn’t help but smile back. She couldn’t deny she had some feelings about him. She just couldn’t figure them out yet.


	5. Ch 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna gets her first day off in years. She can't seem to remember how to have fun. Simon and Negan help her out.

Lynna had gotten into the swing of things rather quickly. She was even starting to be respected. She was better than most of the Saviours and they knew it. She ran fence duty with an iron fist. She left no room for sympathy or empathy when she was working. It made her seem dangerous. Lynna couldn’t deny that she liked that.   
Negan had finally let her go back out on runs, making Lynna feel of use again. Lynna could tell that he was worried about her being out there again, but she knew she could handle it. Far worse things had happened to her and she had seen much, much worse. The few she had been on had gone smoothly. No more chopped limbs.   
Lynna was rather confused when one of the Saviours told her that it was her day off. She had forgotten people used to have days off. She had never really had a day off, unless you were to count the couple of days she was stuck in a fever dream. She sat out on the steps looking out on the surrounding woods and walkers, unsure of what to do with herself.   
“You look too damn pensive.” Simon came up behind her and sat next to her. He had finally gotten his hook and he loved showing it off.   
“What else am I supposed to do on my day off?” She grumbled. She didn’t like not doing something. She was much like a shark in that she felt that if she wasn’t moving she would die. That’s how she had lived for so long. It felt unnatural to have nothing to do.  
“Well, most people watch TV. A lot of people drink. Maybe take a nap. Read, we got a lot of books laying around.” Simon told her nudging her shoulder.   
“They wouldn’t give me anything to do. Not a single chore, nothing. I wanted to work and they refused to let me. Me! I’m a worker, I can’t just sit here and read Simon.” She groaned. She had found she hadn’t gotten angry as often in her life as she had here. And over silly things too.   
“Those are the rules. All Saviours must take one day off. Kind of like doctors used to only be able to work a certain number of hours because they’d turn to shit and kill people. Same thing. Negan doesn’t want someone to get people killed ‘because they’re tired. Grow up! Have some fun and let off some steam! When was the last time you had fun? Can you even remember?” He said shoving her and waving his hook around.   
“I can’t remember for good reason. I’m here because I didn’t have fun.” She said crossing her arms.   
“Bullshit. I see the way you take out those dead fucks. You’re lying to me and to yourself if you say that you don’t have fun doing that.” He laughed. Lynna had always just ignored the slight bit of excitement and happiness she felt taking out the dead.   
“I don’t...that’s sick Simon. Who would have fun doing that.” She argued.   
“Everyone! We all do! I do! You do. Ain’t nothing wrong with it, it ain’t sick either. This is the world we live in now. Gotta find the joy in it somewhere.” He smiled and stood up. He hooked the back of her shirt and gave a tug.  
“Come on. We’re going to teach you how to have fun again.” He giggled as Lynna stumbled to get up. “Who knew I could walk you like a puppy with this! This thing gets more useful everyday!” He shouted.  
“Do that again and I’ll chop the other one off and it won’t be as nice this time.” She said shoving him.   
They walked down the halls and Lynna could start to hear cheering and laughing. It sounded like a sports bar on sunday. Simon lead her into a wide room with tables and a TV and a bar in the back. There were a few Saviours in, night shift or others with the day off.   
“This is the cantina. Only Saviours allowed in. Every once in awhile Negan will bring in his wives or some girls, but that’s it.” He said looking at the room rather proud of it. It must have been his idea, Lynna thought.   
“Hey! You finally found the fucking place! Took you long enough!” Negan called from one of the tables. He walked up to them and slapped Simon on the back.   
“She is refusing to have fun, Sir. Thought she was in need of a little liquid fun.” Simon chuckled. Negan looked down at her with a confused look on his face.   
“Well, can’t have a fucking stick in the fucking mud around here. A drink for the lady. Vodka, gin, beer or scotch. Sorry we can’t make anything pink for ya.” Negan chuckled. Lynna couldn’t help but roll her eyes.   
“I don’t drink pink drinks. Vodka.” She demanded. Simon lead her over to a table while Negan went to grab her drink. She sat looking rather uncomfortable, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a drink. It might have been her sister’s wedding.   
“Vodka for the lady.” He handed her a cup and she took a sip. It was vile, but not as bad as she was expecting. Her face scrunched up and she coughed.   
“Aw how cute.” Simon teased. Lynna growled under breath and shot him a glare which only made him and Negan laugh harder.   
“You a fun drunk or can we expect you to get even more sullen than usual?” Negan asked sitting in the chair between her and Simon.   
“I think I was fun. It’s been sometime. I remember having fun.” She smiled to herself, letting a few good memories through.   
“Good! Because I’d have to kick you out if you ruin the fucking vibe.” He smiled. He watched her drink, clearly becoming easier.   
“What happened the last time you had fun? Seemed like a story there.” Negan questioned, he was always trying to open her up and look inside. Trying to figure her out. He was as enthralled with her as she was with him.   
“Oh. Well, it was my sister’s wedding. I downed a lot of champagne and other things. I remember I had to make a speech, but I can’t remember what I said. Someone told me once that I just rambled and somehow told them a weird theory I had about spongebob being set in the apocalypse. Who knows.” She shrugged with a giggle.  
“You were drunk for your speech at your own damn sisters wedding! That’s cruel, that’s every bride’s worst nightmare. Rouge bridesmaid.” Simon laughed. Lynna laughed with him, she was feeling warm and was enjoying it.   
“What happened to your sister?” Negan asked. Lynna looked up at him with slight shock in her eyes. He had gotten her to not just think about her sister for the first time in years, but talk about her.  
“Oh she died. Few days in, got bit. Her useless husband wouldn’t put her out of her misery, tried to kill me and I had to shoot them both.” She said cold and unwavering. She took a swig of her drink again.   
“Well at least you didn’t pussy out and let her suffer.” Negan said drinking his scotch. Simon was clearly uncomfortable. Lynna ignored Negan and looked at the TV, they were watching Die Hard. It felt like an obvious choice for a bunch dudes.  
“What she look like?” Negan pushed.   
“She was the pretty one. Perfect skin. Bone structure that could cut glass. Perfect teeth, perfect hair. I looked like we weren’t related at all.” She sighed. She never talked about her sister, why was she letting him in like this?  
“If you weren’t the pretty one I’d chop off Simon’s other hand.” Negan chuckled.  
“Why is my hand always on the chopping block?” They both laughed. Lynna gave a small smile.   
“I gotta say darlin’ that I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite as badass as you. You get shit done! I like that.” He said clapping his hands. He gave her a look that sent chills up her spine.   
They sat and drank for a while, joking and laughing. Lynna was genuinely having fun. She wasn’t upset that she was just sitting around, she was laughing. It was a first for her at this point. The cantina had emptied out, even Simon had left. It was her and Negan and they didn’t even notice.   
She tried to remember the last time she found another human being so attractive, but couldn’t come up with anything. Maybe it was the alcohol talking but she thought he was handsome. He was dangerous, was no doubt a murderer. But that somehow added to it for her.   
“Should get going. We have an early start tomorrow. Those Alexandrians are a pain in the ass and I don’t like letting them think we take it easy on them.” He said, not moving. He pushed his seat back and was about to get up when Lynna pushed him back down. She got up and straddled him.   
“Or we could stay up a little later. It’s a long drive there, you can sleep in the truck.” She said leaning down and kissing his neck. His hands moved to sit on her back.   
“That does sound like a great fucking plan…” He trailed off as she moved up to his jaw, kissing where the bruise from her fist used to be. His hands slid down and grabbed her ass. He growled in her ear. She started to unzip his leather jacket when he grabbed her hands. She looked at him confused.   
“No. Darlin’ I want to. Sweet fucking Jesus do I want to. I’m hard as a motherfucking boulder right now, believe me! But I don’t fuck girls who’ve been drinking. It ain’t fair.” He told her, pain in his eyes. He wanted her so bad. She looked at him shocked. She thought she had read it right.   
“Oh. Right. Okay.” She said swallowing hard and feeling like a goddamn idiot. She stood up and straightened herself out. She wanted to crawl away and never be seen again. She went to leave when Negan grabbed her hand.  
“I swear one day, I’m going to fuck your brains out. That’s a fucking promise darlin’.” He told her, pulling her into kiss her hard on her lips. They stood there for a moment millimeters away from each other, before she took off out of the room.  
This man was her weakness. The first time in a long time she had a true weakness. They were going to get each other killed. But damn if she wasn’t going to see what happened. She needed to see what they could be together. The bloodthirsty rulers of the Sanctuary.


	6. Ch 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan makes it up to Lynna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut in this chapter. Ye be warned!

Lynna laid in bed thinking about her night off. Of how much she wanted Negan. How good it felt kissing him, being so close to him. She wondered how different things would be right now, if he hadn’t told her no. If she hadn’t been drunk. Would she be laying his bed? Would she have woken up to his face, his voice. She was shaken away from her daydream by a knock on the door. She groaned as she walked over and opened it to find Simon standing with a big smile on his face.   
“We’ve got a run to do today. Get your shit and let’s go. Boss man doesn’t like to wait.” He said mimicking looking at his watch on his hook. Lynna sighed and grabbed her bag and weapons.   
She walked behind Simon down the halls, she was worried he would treat her differently. That Negan would now see her as a damsel in distress now. Like his wives, like she couldn’t take care of herself. She stopped as she saw the door to a room cracked open. She had been everywhere in the Sanctuary now, but this door was always locked and she never cared enough to pick it. But curiosity got the best of her and she went towards it.   
She walked into the dark room and felt along the wall for the light switch. She flicked it on and was met by an alarming sight. The walls covered in pictures, pictures of bodies with the head smashed in. She looked at them all and felt she might gag.   
“He doesn’t do it for fun. I mean he has fun when he does it, but there’s a purpose behind them.” Simon told her from the doorway. She looked him confused. He was sadistic, but she never knew how much.   
“I knew Lucille had a purpose, I just thought it was for the dead…” She choked out. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the mess of brains. At least they’d never come back, she thought. A single mercy given to them. She cleared her throat and left the room. She couldn’t quite know how to feel. If they threatened his people, his safety, there was some right to it. But it seemed so gruesome. So personal.   
She walked out to the yard and saw the man himself standing with a wide grin and Lucille slung over his shoulder.   
“Finally, you two took your sweet ass time. Hop in the trucks and let’s get a motherfucking move on!” He called, keeping eye contact with Lynna. She went to one of the trucks in the back, but was stopped by Negan grabbing her wrist.  
“You’re riding with me today darlin’.” She told her grinning from ear to ear. She followed him to the truck and jumped in. They started out and she sat staring at him. She didn’t know where to start. She wanted to be repulsed, but was impressed instead.   
“You wanna say something darlin’ or you just admiring the artwork?” Negan asked noticing her staring.  
“You use Lucille to cave people’s skulls in and then take pictures of them.” She stated, not even a question. Negan looked over at her, his smile not faltering but falling from his eyes.   
“You thought she was just for fucking show? Like I need to fucking compensate or some shit?” He chided.   
“Simon says you do it when you have to. You do it when there is a purpose, that true?” She asked.   
“Course. I haven’t gone completely off the rails yet. I don’t just fucking murder people unless they fucking deserve it. I won’t let my people be at risk so I can pussy out and not hurt some fucker.” He said getting angry.   
“Alright. That’s all I needed to know. I won’t stick around if you do it for fun.” She told him. He kept firm eye contact. They seemed to be testing each other, seeing if they were telling the truth.   
They arrived in Alexandria and Negan hopped out to bang on the gate. There was a conversation, two men and then they drove in.   
It was unlike anything Lynna had seen. It looked nice. It looked like it hadn’t been touched by the apocalypse. The only sign was the large wall around the whole community. She jumped out of the truck and walked towards Negan, hiding her awe.   
“Alright, half of everything. Just like we talked about.” He told the Saviors and everyone scattered. Lynna started walking towards one of the houses with a couple of men. They started grabbing things and taking them. They loaded as much as they thought they should into the trucks. She saw Negan talking to a woman, with the bearded man. They were both terrified, he raised a gun and shot threw a window and pointed the gun at her. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. She shook it off and kept working. Lynna was carrying a box when she noticed a woman walking towards her.   
“How can you work for him? How can you put yourself in this position? What does he make you do? We can help you.” She said. Lynna looked at her taken back. She dropped the box on the ground and walked up to the woman.   
“You aren’t bright, are you?” Lynna asked her hand moving to her knife. “Do you think I do anything I don’t want? Do you think he’d be alive if he’d forced me to do anything? You dumb bitch. You thought I was soft and kind. I. Am. Not!” She shouted.   
“You’re just as bad as him then! You’re a murderer like him!” The woman shouted.   
“Well, I am. I was before I met him. I will be after him. From what I’ve heard your people aren’t so innocent, are they?” Lynna said cocking her head to the side and giving a sly smile.  
“You should all burn.” The woman said yanking a gun out of her pocket. Lynna was on top of her with the knife to her throat before the woman could do anything.   
“You’ll burn right with us!” Lynna laughed. By now a crowd had gathered. Negan walked over to the two women, Rick in tow.   
“Looks like we have another extra fucking gun! Amazing! This place is like motherfucking magic!” Negan cheered.   
“She pulled it on me. Said we should burn. Implied a few nasty things about you sir.” She told him, her eyes never leaving the woman. Negan sucked his teeth and turned to Rick.   
“I think you are a capable leader, Rick. I’m gonna need you to get everybody on the same page here. I don’t doubt you can. You all have been punished enough I think. So we’ll let this one slide a little.” Negan said walking around Rick.   
“But she will need a reminder from us, who she works for. Who rules this roost. Lynna...mark that face up.” Negan instructed. Lynna smiled and moved her knife to the woman’s cheek and carefully dragged it across her cheek, leaving a long slash just deep enough to need stitches. The woman yelled in protest, but it only made it worse.   
“Get everyone on the same page Rick. Things can get a lot fucking worse.” He smiled grabbing Lucille from the man.   
“Let’s get the fuck out of here. I got better things to do with my time.” He said walking back to the trucks. Everyone followed. Lynna stood a second admiring her handy work. She liked it. She didn’t hate it. She was threatened. This world was changing her and she knew it. But didn’t find herself fighting it.   
She sat in the truck looking out the window when she felt eyes on her. She looked over to see Negan looking at her with a look of pride on his face.   
“That was impressive. I like how you handled that woman being out of line. Nice handy work.” He told her. Lynna smiled and shrugged, she could feel her face getting hot and knew it was turning pink.  
“I’ve always been good with a knife and my hands.” She teased.   
“Oh darlin’ you better watch what you say to me, I might make them pull this truck over and have you now.” He chuckled. Lynna shook her head trying to look like she wasn’t flustered.   
The ride back was filled with heated silence. Words hung in the air that they wanted to say, but didn’t. Negan said nothing because he knew he couldn’t stop if he started. He’d need her then and there. Lynna was too worried about her reputation with the other Saviors in the truck. She didn’t want them to think she was soft or that she got special treatment for any reason. So they sat there, quiet.   
When they got back, Lynna had to help Simon with inventory. It took much longer than either thought since they brought back more than they anticipated. They had to lug around mattresses and boxes of supplies. They finished up and Simon hooked her collar and took her to the cantina. He enjoyed doing that too much in Lynna’s opinion.  
“Ya know if you keep hooking me, that thing might mysteriously disappear one night.” She threatened as he grabbed her a beer.   
“I’m shaking in my boots!” He mocked handing her the beer. She shoved him back and groaned.  
“Hey, you should start charging for your work. I mean, face tattoos can get pretty pricey.” He laughed.   
“Yeah, I should have charged her premium. Some of my best work on that girl’s face.” She sighed sipping her beer.   
“Nice to see you relaxing into the fucking place.” Negan said coming and sitting next to her. “Thought we might need to send you to Carson to get the stick removed soon.” He laughed.   
“It takes me a minute to let my guard down. I don’t usually stay this long.” She admitted.   
“Think you found the perfect fit here, you little sadist.” Simon teased.   
“Maybe, haven’t decided yet.” She said looking at Negan through the corner of her eye. She drank her beer and stood.   
“You leaving already?” Simon asked looking offended.  
“Cutting up faces is tiring work. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She told him. He grabbed the beer bottle with his hook splash it everywhere. She laughed and gave him a pat on the back as she left.   
She was walking back to her room, half there and she felt someone walking behind her. She knew who it was. A grin started to form on her face as she reached her door. She went to open it but was stopped by a hand on top of hers. She turned and was inches away from Negan’s face.   
“You better be fucking sober tonight darlin’.” He growled. She nodded and pulled him down to her lips. They kissed for a long minute before breaking apart and breathing heavily. He grabbed her hand and walked briskly to his room. They ran in and Lynna slammed him up against the door kissing him as she unzipped and discarded his leather coat on the floor.   
“You think you can handle this cowboy?” She purred in his ear as she took off her shirt and slowly wiggled out of her pants. Negan watched her, mouth gaping, all he could do was nod and try to rip his pants off. Lynna unzipped his pants, while biting his neck making him groan. He kicked out of his pants and pulled her to his lips again. She pulled him over to the couch and pushed him down. She dragged his briefs off, allowing his erection to spring free. She undid her bra letting it fall to the floor. Negan ran a hand threw his hair and smiled.   
“Get that pretty ass over here right fucking now.” He growled as she walked over kicking her underwear off. She straddled him looking in his eyes. They were both craving this, they were both hungry for it. Negan ran his hands along her body, sending shivers down her spine.   
“I could kill you right now if I wanted to…” She said breathless, her hands wrapped behind his neck and into his hair.   
“So could I…” He growled. She leant down and enveloped his lips again. He grabbed her ass eliciting a moan from her.   
“Let me feel the wet pussy…” He groaned. She looked down at him and smiled.   
“Beg for it.” She commanded. He looked at her amused. He kissed down her chest until he met her nipple and began teasing it with his tongue.   
“Please….Please baby…” He said with a strained voice. Lynna slowly lowered herself onto his rock hard erection causing them to both moan. She fell forward, burying her face in his neck as she began a slow and steady rhythm. Negan’s hands began massaging her breasts making her sigh. She quickened her pace and dug her nails into his arms. She grunted as she slid up and down impaling herself on his dick over and over. He could feel her tighten around him, she on the edge, so was he. He pulled her down and kissed her and trailed down to her neck, biting and sucking her neck.   
“Say my name baby...scream it!” He growled into her ear. His voice hitting her like a freight train as he bit her neck sending her over the edge and clawing his back.  
“NEGAN!! Negan!” She yelled, not caring if anyone heard her. He growled into her neck as he orgasmed right along side her.   
They sat panting and hold each other for a while. She knew this wasn’t his first rodeo, but it had been a while for her. She thought it would be awkward or bad, but it was the best she’d had. She was suddenly being lifted as Negan picked her up and carried her over to his bed and laid her down.   
“I didn’t think you’d want me to stay…” She looked up at him confused and still out of breath.   
“I’m a gentleman. Plus, you’re different from the others. I want you to stay.” He told her laying next to her.   
“A gentleman who murders. Not a combo you see everyday.” She giggled. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her.   
“I’m real fucking unique. Plus if you think that was it for the night, you are very...very mistaken.” he said a smile spreading wide across his face. She didn’t know what she was in for tonight, but she was ready.


	7. Ch 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan gets to know Lynna.

The sun beamed into the room and laid across Lynna’s face. She scrunched up her face and groaned in protest. She had slept better than she had in months, possibly years. She moved to stretch when she realized there was an arm thrown across her torso. She looked over to see Negan fast asleep. She sighed, content for the moment. She tried to turn to see the clock, sure they must be late for the day but couldn’t move without jostling Negan.   
“Trying to bolt already darlin’?” He asked, his voice gravelly and dry as he smiled. She smiled back, he always looked so intimidating but not now. His hair messy and his face smushed against the pillow, he seemed like any other human.   
“I..uh..no. I was just trying to see the time. I don’t want to be late.” She told him. He chuckled and pulled back into him.  
“Darlin’ I’m never late. If I’m not late, then you’re not late. Don’t worry about it.” He told her kissing her neck. She let herself give in for a moment before pulling away.   
“I just...I don’t want anyone to look at me differently ever. I don’t people to think I’m getting preferential treatment. Even if it’s just this one time thing.” She told him pulling the blanket up close. Negan let a sigh and nodded.  
“Fine. I get it. I don’t fucking like it. But I get it. You can use my shower to get cleaned up while I try and find all your clothes.” He smirked leaning over biting her lip.   
“This is only a one time thing, if you want it to be a one time thing.” He said, barely above a whisper. She laid there for a minute staring in his eyes and running her hands through his hair before getting up. She stumbled, not realising how sore her legs were.   
“You might want to take it easy. I tend to have a lasting effect on people.” He told her smiling as he got up. She shook her head, but couldn’t hide the smile on her face as she walked into his bathroom to shower.   
She stood in the shower replaying the night’s events. She had always been an over thinker. She couldn’t let her mind wander for too long or it would get negative real quick. She couldn’t stop it this time. It was an amazing night. There wasn’t a second she regretted. But what did it mean? What if it meant more to her than to him or vice versa?   
She got out of the shower and dried off walking back into the bedroom. She was surprised to find Negan had set up breakfast at the table. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to do breakfast after a night like that. But he was always surprising her. He turned to see her and beamed.  
“Well if that isn’t the most perfect sight, you wet.” He teased walking towards her. She smiled and shook her head.  
“So the vulgarity isn’t a performance, you’re just always like this?” She chided as she dropped the towel to start getting dressed, finding her clothes on the bed waiting for her.   
“Fuck no. I don’t put on a performance darlin’. I am one hundred fucking percent me all the fucking time.” He smiled as he watched her.   
“Good to know then.”  
“Good to know you aren’t shy. I mean I fucking figured you weren’t after last night, but nice to see that doesn’t change in the daylight.” he growled. Lynna just looked up at him gave a mischievous smile.   
“This isn’t my shirt?” She said picking up an oversized black shirt confused. Negan started to laugh as he went over and picked up a bunch of fabric.  
“Yeah, must have been over excited last night. I don’t think this can be called a shirt anymore.” He said tossing it to her. She held it up and saw a rip down the front. She didn’t remember being so rough with it last night, but the shirt was on it’s last legs anyway. She finished getting dressed and they had breakfast.   
“Who’s Jonah?” Negan asked as he ate. Lynna’s blood suddenly turned to ice, and she could feel the cold sweat start and her eyes widen.  
“How...how do you know that name?” She asked her voice shaking. Negan looked up and realised he had hit a sore spot.  
“Oh...um...you were saying his name last night when you were sleeping. I...just figured it was a husband or something. Usually happens first time after.” he told her. She didn’t even remember dreaming about anything let alone Jonah. She always remembered those, she usually woke up screaming from those dreams.   
“No. He wasn’t...he was a little boy. Ten year old boy.” She told him, clearing her throat and forcing food into her mouth.   
“You want to talk about it?” Negan asked, tentative. Lynna sat trying to swallow her food,, her throat was fighting her but she finally got it down.  
“No. Not yet. If I tell you, you won’t look at me the same.” She said pushing her food away, unable to look at it anymore. Negan didn’t push any further. He wanted to know, but he knew better.   
“Best get to it. Got business to fucking take care of.” He said clearing his throat and jumping up to grab his leather jacket and Lucille. They left the room and started for the conference room to get the day’s briefing. They walked down the halls sore from the night’s athletics, passers by would give a knowing smile watching them.   
“Damn woman! I haven’t this sore in fucking years!” He told her stretching outside the door to the conference room.   
“I’ll be more careful next time then.” She said giving him a wink. He sucked his teeth and shook his head.   
“Don’t you fucking dare take it easy on me ever. Trust me I can fucking take it.” He told her with a wicked smile as they entered the room. Lynna took her seat next to Simon, everyone knew that was her seat and she out ranked all of them except Simon and Negan.  
Simon looked over at her and started laughing and patting her back. She punched his arm out of frustration. The briefing started and people started listing what was needed on the next run and repairs that need to be made. Simon hooked Lynna’s chair and pulled her closer to him.  
“So he...hooked ya?” He said waving his hook in her face and making rude gestures with it. She sighed shaking her head.  
“None of your business.” She grumbled. He quietly laughed as her face turned red. She didn’t know if it was more from anger or embarrassment.  
“Snow, you’re wearing his shirt. And you walked in together. And you’re definitely walking funny. And so is he, which is a first to be honest. And it’s written all over your face.” He teased. She punched him again in the arm, actually aiming to hurt this time. Simon winced but didn’t stop laughing.   
The meeting ended and everyone filtered out except Simon, Lynna and Negan who needed to discuss the next run.   
“Hilltop is next. Simon you can lead this one since Lynna had the last one. Don’t take it fucking easy on them, just because Alexandria is in the fucking picture now doesn’t mean we let up on anyone.” He told him.   
“I never go easy on anybody, but you got it boss.” Simon nodded.  
“Good. Don’t take from their doc this time. We’re good on medical for a while. We’ll get them on the next round.” He ordered. Simon nodded smiling. Lynna gave him a shove in the ribs.   
“Lynna I want you to keep running the fence. It seems to be doing fucking great under you. Dwight’s still on prison duty, might be for a while. Simon get that stupid shitty grin off your damn face.” Negan chided.  
“Sorry boss. Just so nice to see Lynna looking so warm and sunny for once. It’s like you had a rejuvenating night last night.” He giggled. Lynna shoved him against the wall, but couldn’t help but laugh herself.  
“I’m sorry, I’ll stop. Maybe getting screwed will make you more fun to be around. I mean geez...I thought that frown was some kind of permanent thing on your face!” He laughed before running out of the room. She’d get him back later, she’d plan something good.  
“If he bothers you, I can make him stop.” Negan told her suddenly serious. Lynna chuckled and shook her head.  
“Nah, he’s just having fun. No harm done. Plus everyone needs someone around to bust your balls.” She shrugged. Simon was the best friend she had around here, she wasn’t going to let anything ruin that.   
“True. I do believe that was your job last night though.” He chuckled putting his hands on her waist. She smacked his hands away.  
“Not while we’re working. We’re going to have to set rules if we are going to keep this up.” She told him.   
“Fine! Fine, I won’t touch you during working hours. I have wives for that. But once that whistle blows, all bets are off!” he smiled. She leaned in close smiling. She found she wanted to break her own rule in that moment, but fought it.  
“Go have fun with your wives then. I’m on fence duty. I have to make some repairs today, so I’ll probably be filthy after. I’ll definitely have to shower all alone.” She whispered in his ear before turning and walking out the door.   
Negan stood in the room by himself and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He knew this was different. She was different. His wives were lovely and beautiful, but they weren’t like her. She was going to rule this place with him. He just had to convince her to.


	8. Ch 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna is always a fall risk.

Lynna and Negan’s affair had been going smoothly. They kept hands off at work and treated each other no differently in front of people. But once they were off things would get heated very quickly. There was a total of five shirts lost between them. Every morning they would try and pry some new bit of information out of the other. They were both trying to find the thing that would make them stop, that would end their trist. But so far nothing had come up, so they kept happily going.   
Lynna was on fence duty after a long run the day prior. Most people hated fence duty, but she didn’t mind it. She kept an eye on the prisoners, other than that she was left alone for most of the day. A lot of fence duty was repairing the fence, keeping it up and making sure the walkers were kept at bay.   
Lynna was walking the fence when she noticed a walker had gotten into the compound. She couldn’t think of how, it certainly didn’t walk through the front door. She kept the fence up and steady, it seemed odd. Perhaps it had just torn through the fence. She killed it and found the hole it had gotten through. It was odd, it was as if it had been cut by someone. Went to get up but was bashed in the back of the head and stunned for a moment. Her vision blurred but she forced herself to focus. She saw a man climbing through the hole and starting to run. She jumped up and went through pointing her gun at him.   
“Stop! Stop or I’ll shoot your legs off!” She shouted and the man stopped a few feet ahead of her. He turned, his face red and raw from crying.   
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” He told her, his voice shaking. He had a backpack on, Lynna assumed it was full of supplies he hadn’t paid for.   
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t hit people in the head. Put the bag down. Put it down and go back inside. You’ll be punished but it won’t be death.” She told him.  
“I can’t do that...I can’t stay anymore.” He shook his head.  
“Bullshit. Put it down or I will lay you out right here and put you on the fence.” She barked.  
“You don’t get it! This is hell dressed up to look like heaven! He’ll kill us all one day!” He screamed, waving his gun around.  
“I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop. Put the bag and the gun down now!” She yelled.  
“I can’t! I won’t!” He yelled and pointed his gun at her. Lynna pulled the trigger and shot him in the torso. He went crashing to the ground, screaming. She walked over to him and grabbed his gun and bag.  
“I warned you.” She growled as she picked up his legs and dragged him back to the compound. She got him through the fence and he started to fight her. She took her knife out of her pocket and slit his throat, blood spraying everywhere, covering Lynna. Simon came around the corner and looked shocked.  
“Shit! Um...Boss I found the runner.” He called looking at Lynna with a newfound respect and more fear than he had before. Negan came around the corner ready to bash in a skull.  
“Oh fuck. Lynna? You fucking slit his throat?” He asked astonished.   
“He beat me on the back of the head and threatened to shoot me. Of course I fucking slit his throat.” She said looking at them like they shouldn’t be surprised.She started dragging his body towards the front gate. She grabbed one of the prisoners and made him deal with it. She grabbed her tool box and went back to the fence.  
“Whoa! We should have Carson check you out if he hit you in the head.” Simon said grabbing her arm.   
“Just let me patch up this hole or we’ll be covered in dead by morning.” She told him going to start repairs. Her vision was in and out, focused one second and blurry the next. She wiped as much blood from her eyes as she could, but kept working. She finished up and got up to go to Carson. She found Negan and Simon still standing waiting for her.   
“Ya know I am an adult. I can go to the doctor by myself.” She told them.   
“Yeah well, you have a tendency to fall, so best if we help you. No buts.” Simon scolded. Lynna didn’t argue, she knew it was a battle she had already lost.  
“Oh shit! My box!” She said turning and going to grab her toolbox.   
“Darlin’ let me carry it.” Negan said as they bent down to pick it up.   
“No, no I can carry it. I’m a big girl!” She said. She went to wave him off not realizing how close she was and smacking him in the face.  
“Negan! Oh shit, I’m sorry!” She said with a giggle.  
“Damn! Can this not be our fucking thing!” He said backing off and holding his face. She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped.   
“I’ll try my best to not hit you in the face so much. It’s just so punchable.” She told him as they walked back inside.   
She sat on the exam table waiting for Carson. Negan and Simon were playing with his equipment and chatting. Carson came and stumbled back.  
“Dear God! That isn’t your blood is it?” He asked shocked.   
“No, someone else’s blood. But I got hit on the back of the head.” She sighed as she pulled her hair out of the way for him to look.  
“Well, it doesn’t look to bad. Won’t need stitches.” He said and checked her pupils.  
“How’s your vision?”  
“A bit blurry but it goes away.” Lynna answered.  
“Well, it’s possible you have a concussion, but a mild one if you do.” He told her.   
“What does that mean? What do you have to do?” Negan asked concerned.  
“Nothing much I can do I’m afraid. You just have to stay awake for twenty four hours. But then the threat will be down and you shouldn’t be at risk of a coma.”He told her. She nodded. This wasn’t the first time she’d gone through this.   
“No strenuous activity for a while though.” He said, mainly to Negan who seemed to have an idea of how to spend the hours.   
“Fucking spoilsport.” He grumbled.  
“She shouldn’t be left alone. She’s a fall risk now.” Carson told her. Great, she was going to have to rely on people again. She hated it. Sometimes she was too independent for her own good.  
“When isn’t she a fall risk.” Simon huffed. Lynna shot him a look and he pretended to be interested in something else.  
“Thanks doc. I’ll come by in the morning to be checked out again.” She said getting off of the exam table and leaving.   
“Simon you’ll be picking up the slack today. Run all this shit. Just don’t burn it down.” Negan instructed.   
“Will do boss. I’ll have someone bring both your meals up.” Simon smiled and saluted them both with his hook and left. Lynna was walking towards her room when she was being pulled away.  
“Why in the hell do you think we would hang out in there?” He laughed as he pulled her into his room. Honestly she hadn’t spent much time in her room lately so it didn’t bother her.   
“I’ll be fine. I’ll just watch some shitty movies, you can go back and finish the day.” She told him.   
“Nope. You aren’t being left alone. Doc even said so. But we can still watch shitty movies.” He smiled. She groaned and went to shower and get the blood off. She slipped into one of Negan’s shirt. She went to look at the movies he had on his shelf. She flicked through them until one got her eye. She pulled it out and looked it over making sure it was real. She got so excited she hopped up and down.  
“I can’t believe you have this!” She yelled excited. Negan looked confused, what the hell movie could she be excited about?  
“The first Harry Potter! It was always my favorite.” She yelled going to put it in.   
“Really? You got that excited over Harry Potter?” He chuckled.   
“Harry Potter was my favorite books and movies. Do not mock Potter around me.” She chided.   
“I like HP as much as the next guy but damn! I don’t think I’ve ever been that excited about a movie.” He said.  
“You keep asking what the stars on my wrist are. They are from the books, they were on the corners of the pages.” She told him.   
“Seriously!? You fucking nerd! You are like the ultimate fucking nerd!” He laughed falling onto the couch. She sat next to him and slapped his chest. They sat and watched the movie, Lynna didn’t speak the entire time, only to hush Negan when he’d get too chatty. When the credits started to roll, Lynna sighed content.   
“Felt normal for a second.” She smiled.   
“It did.” Negan agreed rubbing his eyes.  
“You were not asleep. If I can’t sleep you can’t sleep!” She said smacking his arm.   
“Doc said nothing about me sleeping! You’re right it ain’t fair though. I’ll do my best.” He chuckled. There was a knock at the door and a nervous young man walked in with food for them. They set up at the table and started to eat. As Lynna shoveled food in her mouth another knock on the door. Negan got up and opened it.   
“Negan, we haven’t seen you in a while. I was wondering if you were still alive.” The woman laughed. She was leggy and slim and very pretty. Negan shook his head and sighed.  
“Ashley, sweetheart, I’m busy. If I need you I’ll come get you.” He told her. She clearly didn’t like his answer.  
“What about me? What if I need you?” She said.  
“Frankly I don’t give a fuck. You can find some way to entertain yourself I’m real fucking sure. Now go.” He said closing the door.   
“She’s pretty.” Lynna noted as she toyed with her food.  
“She’s fine. She’s not important.” He said sitting back down.  
“Negan...I don’t mind the wives. I really don’t. If that’s your thing, I’m okay with it.” She told him. She really was. It didn’t bother her, this was a new world and new rules were made and old ones were broken everyday. Why should people hold to the old society it was broken anyway.  
“That’s good to know darlin’ but I don’t like them thinking they can show up at my door whenever they feel like it.” He told her.   
“So...I think it’s time you told me about Jonah.” Negan said as they finished up their food. Lynna looked up at him and shook her head.  
“No. We’ve had such a good time together. I don’t want to ruin it.” She told him as she squirmed in her seat.  
“We have and I want to keep that going. But I also want to know everything about you and since that seems to keep you up at night, I want to know.” He told her.  
“If I tell you about Jonah, you have to tell me about Lucille.” She demanded.  
“Fair enough. Go.” He told her. Lynna sat back in her chair trying to decide where to start. It was awful no matter where she started.   
“A long time ago. Before I met you, just after the outbreak, I was with another group. We were all trying to go south, we thought there would be something there. I don’t know why, it sounded good. There was a boy in the group, Jonah. As we traveled we lost people, he lost his parents. I kept him with me, kept him safe. I promised him that I wouldn’t let him get hurt.” She said taking a deep breath.  
“It was Jonah, two other people and myself. We were in a cabin for the night. We had found it and put up protection, spikes and things. Overnight the other two people had gotten sick. Really bad, they couldn’t walk so we had to stay longer. Jonah...he was always scared. He didn’t adapt well to the new world. He saw them and thought they were already turned. I tried to convince him they were just sick, but he pulled a gun on them. They couldn’t fight back and I tried to grab it from him but he pointed it at me. He knew how to use a gun, I taught him. He was good. He wouldn’t listen. His mind was too warped, too far gone to be convinced.” Lynna said, unable to look at Negan.   
“I pulled my gun out thinking he would realize what I was saying was true. But he didn’t and he took the safety off...and I shot him.” Lynna said shaking her head. “I tried to save him but I’m not a doctor and we didn’t have any medical supplies. He bled out in my arms. The other two got better, I couldn’t look at them anymore and left. I figured maybe the dead wouldn’t be able to stand the cold as well and started north. And here we are.” She sighed wiping the tears from her face.  
“...shit…” Negan breathed. They sat in silence for minute before Negan cleared his throat.  
“Lucille was my wife before everything. She was great, kind and smart. Beautiful. I was an asshole. I slept around on her. I cheated so much and I regret it every damn day. She forgave me. She made me promise not to do it again and everything would be fine. She got sick, cancer. She died as the outbreak started. She came back and I couldn’t even put her out of her misery. I had to get someone else to do it. I watched her get stabbed in the head. I should have been the one to do it but I pussied out.” He told her.   
They both sat in silence, absorbing the information they just gotten. Negan got up and went over to a stereo that was across the room and started playing some Frank Sinatra. He walked over and pulled Lynna to her feet.   
“What are you doing?” She asked confused.   
“Will you just shut up.” He said leading to the middle of the room. He pulled her in close and took her hand in his, the other rested on her lower back as they started to sway.   
“I’m not supposed to do strenuous activity.” She mocked.  
“I think a little dancing is fine.” He chuckled. Lynna was uncomfortable at first but eventually relaxed into it. She rested her head on his chest as they moved to the music.   
“Darlin’ you have really changed things around here. It’s only gotten better. You are different. I’ve never met a woman so sure and certainly never met one as bloodthirsty as I am. But you are. We could do this together. We can rule the Sanctuary and all that surrounds us. Strike fear in them. If you’d want that.” He told her. She didn’t move from her position. She liked the sound of that. Ruling with an iron fist.   
“Like a queen.” She said.  
“Exactly like a queen. My queen with her bloody crown.” He said smiling.   
“I like that.” She hummed into his chest. They swayed to the music for a while. They eventually moved back to the couch to watch more movies and talk and plan. They were watching Armageddon when Lynna heard Negan start to snore. She looked up and he was fast asleep. She chuckled, waking him up.   
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was resting my eyes.” He grumbled.   
“Bullshit.” She laughed. She looked out the window seeing the light starting to shine in.   
“We made it to the morning.” She sighed. Negan pulled her in tight.  
“Knew we could.” He smiled. They finished the movie and Lynna went back to Carson, hoping he would let her get some sleep.   
“Your pupils are reacting much faster. That’s a good sign. You can get some sleep. You’re in the clear.” He told her. Lynna thanked him and walked back to Negan’s room. She walked in to find him in bed fast asleep. She went over to the bed and watched him for a second. They were going to rule this world together. Nothing would stand in their way. She slid in next to him and fell asleep.


	9. Ch 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to Alexandria.

Lynna sitting on the couch looking over the books for the Sanctuary when Negan walked in with the kid from Alexandria. She raised an eyebrow, confused.  
“Darlin’ we got ourselves a visitor.” He smiled bringing the kid in and sitting him across from her.   
“Yeah, I can see that. Why is he here?” She asked.   
“Carl is here to kill me. Took out two men trying to get to me.” Negan chuckled. Lynna looked the kid dead in the eye and smiled.  
“How cute, just two.” She hissed. Carl glared at her, but it didn’t phase Lynna. She picked up her books and moved to the table in the corner. Negan started interrogating Carl, Lynna kept an ear on them but kept her focus on the lists she had to organize. Things started to get heated and Carl started threatening Negan.  
“If I were you, I’d jump out that window to save me the trouble of killing you.” Carl spat. Lynna stood behind Negan.   
“Careful boy. I have no problems popping that other eye out. Make a nice trophy.” Lynna growled.   
“I’d be careful with your fucking words, kid. She doesn’t take kindly to threats.” Negan laughed.   
“You think he cares about you? Look at all the wives he’s got! You’re just a notch on his belt.” Carl said.  
“Hey! You do not fucking talk to her like that! That is not fucking cool! That is my fucking line kid! Do not step over it again or I’ll let her do what she wants to you.” Negan said standing over Carl, murder in his eyes. Carl sat back down shaken. Negan gave Lynna a wink.  
“Ya know, I think it’s time we go for a field trip.” Negan smiled. He grabbed Carl by the arm, and started leading him to the door.  
“Let’s go Darlin’. You’re coming too. I don’t give a damn about the books, they can wait.” He told her. Lynna smiled and jumped to grab her holster. She hated the paperwork part of running the Sanctuary, no matter how important. She was always up for a run.   
They hopped into the truck and started towards Alexandria. Lynna drove the truck through the abandoned streets, going a little faster than she should. She liked to, it drove Negan nuts. He had a control problem in the car. They pulled up to the gate and went in.   
The sight of their trucks put fear into the Alexandrians. They jumped out of the truck and started for Carl’s house. Lynna started giving orders to the other Saviors. Lynna started towards the house and let herself inside. She came into the dining room and some woman slap Negan across the face. Her hand instinctively went to rest on her gun.  
“I am about fifty percent more into you now. Just saying.” Negan told her. Lynna shook her head as she walked up behind him.   
“The others are gathering what they find. Rick isn’t on the grounds though.” She told him.   
“Well, we’ll have to wait for him then.” Negan smiled.  
“Kid, give us the grand tour!” He clapped. Carl looked at him like he wanted to gut him right there. They went around the house and looked all over.   
“What’s in here?” Negan asked.  
“There isn’t anything in that one. Just the water heater.”  
“Really kid? Come on.” Negan opened the door and found a baby standing in a crib. Lynna was taken back. Negan was enthralled and went to pick her up. He started playing with the baby. Lynna had always been awkward around babies. She didn’t hate them, she just didn’t know how to interact with them. She went back downstairs and went to check on progress.  
“Arat, how’s it going?” She asked.   
“There going through the houses now. Not much around, but we got some good shit.” Arat told her. Lynna nodded and went back up the porch as Negan came out with the baby and sat in the chair.   
“Oh she is precious. Lynna why don’t we have one of these?” He grinned up at her. Lynna scoffed looking at him like he was crazy.  
“In your dreams.” She shook her head.  
“Aw come on. Our kid would be the cutest!” he said.  
“Do you want to be vulnerable and week for months? Not to mention the physical strain, I’d be held up for months. No way.” She stood firm.  
“Ya got a point. You gotta get yourself a girl like that, kid. Ride or die. Taken care of all the business, if you get what I’m saying.” He laughed looking to Carl who remained silent.   
Negan decided to make dinner and Lynna was no cook. She went to help with the important things. She could tell Negan was getting anxious about Rick not being there. Someone was going to pay for making him wait. Everyone knew it. Lynna helped load somethings in the truck when Rick showed back up.   
“You’re late. You better have brought some good shit.” Lynna hissed. Rick looked at her shocked. She laughed and walked away. She walked around the corner to see Negan had set a pool table and was playing with someone she hadn’t seen before. In a second the whole scene changed as Negan stuck a knife in the man’s belly and he flopped over. Lynna started walking toward him, they were too many people around. She didn’t like it.   
He was taunting them. He was playing with his dinner. She could feel the tension in the air. He was laughing, making sure they all saw what had happened and how little it affected him. That’s when the gunshot rang out. Lynna burst into a sprint toward the person holding the gun. Arat threw the girl on the ground, knife on her throat. Lynna put a gun to her head.   
“Arat move the knife up to her pretty little face!” Negan demanded. She wouldn’t cooperate and it was going to get someone killed. Lynna pushed the barrel harder into her skin. She wanted her dead. But that wasn’t Negan’s style.   
“Arat kill someone.”Negan said without an ounce of concern. Arat shot the woman standing next to Carl. Rick came running up.   
“We had a deal!” He yelled.   
“Your people keep breaking that deal!” Lynna growled.   
“Your boy shot two of our men. That girl tried to kill Negan! Why don’t you control your people, Rick.” She hissed, inches from his face.   
“Bullet boy is coming with us and you better get some really good shit for next time. It might not go so well next time. Lynna here is just dying to get her hands on someone to play with. I don’t like telling her no.” Negan smiled. They left, Eugene being brought with them. Lynna sat in the truck, looking at Negan.   
“You have to be more careful. People are rash when it comes to death.” She told him looking at the bullet in lucille.   
“They shouldn’t have had a gun or bullets. I should be able to dance on their graves and they shouldn’t flinch. That’s the goal.” He told her.   
“I know. But these people, they seem different. Rick isn’t Gregory. He isn’t going to just be okay with this. We need to start taking precautions.”She said.  
“Precautions? Like what?”  
“Like for if they attack. They will one day. We’ll need to be prepared to squash that shit.” She told him.   
“You might be right. But we still won today.” He laughed.   
“What are you going to do with mulletboy?” She asked.   
“Haven’t decided yet. You aren’t getting him though. We need him unscathed. Show them we are merciful when we want to be. The wives can have him.” He said.   
“You take all the fun.” She groaned.   
“All the fun? I think I bring you a hell of a lot of fun! I think we’ll have some fun when we get back.” He told her kissing her neck. She giggled pushing him away.   
“If I don’t finish writing up the books, Simon will kill me.”   
“Simon can fuck off. Make him finish them. You have more important things to attend to.” Negan smiled.  
“I don’t think your ego could get any bigger. But maybe you’re right. Maybe this one time, I can make him finish them up.” She sighed.  
“You did most of the work. He’s a lazy piece of shit anyway. Make him start to have a good work ethic.” Negan laughed.  
“He has a better work ethic than you.” She guffawed.   
“Only on certain things. When it comes to keeping my woman happy, nobody has a work ethic like me.” He said sliding his hands between her legs.   
“Do you want to crash?”  
“Just pull over then. Just for a second. We’ll tell them to go ahead without us.” he said.  
“No. I don’t want to be on the road at night. You are a child sometimes!” She said smacking his arm.   
“You are no fun! Why does everyone take the fun away from me!” He pouted.   
“Poor baby. I’ll take care of you when we get home. Don’t worry.” She purred as they sped down the road, maybe a little more purposefully.


	10. Ch 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan has a surprise for Lynna.

Lynna always had a hard time sleeping. She had Displaced Sleep Phase Disorder, had since she was a teenager. It caused her to have a different sleep schedule to everyone else. It was a pain in the ass, but she used it to her benefit when the world went to shit. Staying up later at night meant less chance of enemies sneaking up on her. Being at the Sanctuary was no different. She would use the time alone to get things done that was difficult when people need you to help them with other things.   
She found herself wandering the halls, bored and unable to sleep. She was walking by the dining hall when she heard some women laughing and a distinct southern voice spewing science. She followed the noise and found a few of the wives and Eugene. It looked like they were doing a science experiment. He lit something on fire and the girls gasped and laughed. Lynna didn’t like the sight. It seemed off.   
“You all think this is a good idea?” She yelled from the end of the hall. The women jumped looking over to her with fear in their eyes.   
“I was just showing the-” Eugene started, but Lynna put her hand up.   
“I don’t give a shit. Ladies, do you know what this looks like? Do you know what it will sound like to him?”   
“We weren’t doing anything with Eugene. I swear it was just some fun.” Amber told her.   
“Yeah, I’m sure it was. Party is over. Get back to your rooms. It’s too late for you to be wandering around.” She barked. The women left the dining hall, looking back at Lynna afraid she might tell on them.   
“You too Billy Ray.” She said looking at the stationary Eugene.  
“Mam, with all due respect it was just some fun. We weren’t engaging in any flirtations or sexaul tensions.” He told her.   
“Yeah, I don’t care. Get out of here. Go to bed, Negan wants your help in the morning.”She said and turned to walk away. Something about Eugene rubber her the wrong way and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She walked back upstairs deciding to just lay in bed until she would eventually fall asleep.   
She climbed into bed next to Negan who was dead asleep, snoring. She moved to lay her head on his chest and suck all the warmth off him, putting her feet on his legs to warm them up.   
“Shit woman! Those are icicles not feet!” He yelled in surprise. Lynna couldn’t help but giggle.  
“Sorry, I didn’t think it would wake you.” She said.   
“Course that would wake me, those things would wake the dead.” He chuckled. He pulled her in close wrapping his arms around her.   
“Can’t sleep again?” He hummed.   
“Of course not. When do I ever just sleep like a normal person.”  
“Only when you’re sick apparently.” He chuckled. Lynna just laid in his warmth, hoping it would help. He mumbled something to her but she had start to drift off.   
Lynna woke up to a knock on the door. She stretched out realizing she was alone in her bed and would have to get up. She groaned as she pulled her pants on and went to the door.   
“Morning sunshine. Don’t you look thrilled to be awake.” Simon teased. Lynna groaned as she let him in going to brush her hair and try to look not like shit.   
“Boss said you’re needed in the wives’ room.” He told her.   
“What? Why? Did someone cheat?” She asked, Negan had promised to let her iron the next disobidient person.   
“Don’t know. I didn’t hear anything.” Simon shrugged. Lynna brushed her teeth and ran out of the room. The promise of the iron motivating her more than coffee. She went into the room and all the women were lined up and Negan was standing in front of them.   
“Who cheated? Who gets the iron?” Lynna asked forgetting to hide the excitement in her voice. Negan looked over at her and smiled.  
“Sometimes it’s fucking freaky how much you like that shit.” He said.  
“I enjoy my job.” She purred.   
“Nobody cheated. Some of them did piss me off. Playing around with Dr.Redneck at ungodly hours, but no cheating. I want you to pick two of these lovely ladies that you like.”He told her. She looked up at him confused and a bit uncomfortable.  
“Negan, we’ve talked about this. I am not into threesomes, it’s just not my thing.” She told him.   
“No. I know that darlin’ and even though it would be fun and if that ever fucking changes don’t keep it to yourself. Pick two that you get along with, that you don’t mind as people.” Lynna sighed trying to think. She hadn’t had that much exposure to the women. There was a few she had talked to that seemed smart and quietly strong.   
“Amber and Jane are alright. Smart and capable when the time comes.” Lynna explained.  
“Amber and Jane it is. Now the rest of you can fuck off. You’ll be back working for points. You’ll get a discount on medicine and shit for a while but don’t push me or that shit will vanish real quick.” He told them as the girls looked around at each other. Lynna was surprised. This seemed bizarre.   
“You said you didn’t mind my wives. I know you don’t, and I’m not going to force us all to live together, but I wanted two that you got along with. You are still and will always be my number one. My fucking Queen.” He told her pulling her in close to kiss her. This was a sweet gesture that only Negan could make. It was considerate, which isn’t always his strong suit.   
“This was nice. Unnecessary but nice.” Lynna smiled up at him.   
“I got another present for you. We got a runner earlier who's in need of some punishment.” He told her. She beamed up at him as she dragged him out of the room as fast as she could.  
The got to the main factory floor and were standing on the platform overlooking the whole room. Lynna had a wicked smile on her face. There was a man sitting in a chair with his hands and feet bound, his face red from crying.   
“We have rules here. You earn what you get. You do not take what you do not earn!” Negan boomed over the whole of the Sanctuary.   
“Those that break the rules, get punished. It’s how we rebuild our society.” He said.   
“Baby, do your thing.” He turned to Lynna with a smile. She went over and put the glove on her hand and took the hot iron off the hook from Dwight. She walked over to the man and smiled down at him.   
“You know you deserve this.” She told him as she laid the flaming hot iron on his face. The man screamed and tried to fight but was unable to. He passed out and Lynna pulled the iron away taking a good amount of flesh with it.   
“He’s all yours doc.” She told Carson as she gave the iron back to Dwight, a smile beaming on her face.   
“I fucking love that smile you get when you’re being evil and shit.” Negan said pulling Lynna into a hard kiss. The people of the Sanctuary kneeled as they walked away, fear in their eyes as they watched them walk by. Lynna liked the look of fear. She liked being part of such a power and fear. She liked being apart of it with Negan.


	11. Ch 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna and her scouting group run into some unsavory characters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of sexual abuse and rape. Please be aware.

Lynna sat in the car across from Dwight, they had been sent on small run. There was a town not too far from the Sanctuary. It was a scout and get back type of mission. Jim sat in the back of the truck whistling as they pulled in. It looked like a war zone. Most towns were beat up and looked abandoned. This place looked like it had been bombed out.   
“I know divide and conquer sounds quicker, but I’ve got a feeling we should stick together on this one.” She suggested. Everyone in agreement, they walked down the main street. It would have been a nice town, a cozy town from a movie.   
“Looks like a pharmacy up there. Should have a look.” Dwight said and they started for it. They broke into the building, busting the door and glass shattering. Guns raised they walked in. It was pretty much nothing. Lynna went to try the door to the back but it was locked. Dwight kicked the handle off the door and it swung open.   
Lynna started into the back room and could see that there was in fact quite a bit left. Her train of thought was broken when a walker started towards her. She fought to push it off, dwight grabbed it and put a knife through it’s head.   
“Thanks. We should go back and get a proper team down here. There’s too much here for our truck.” They nodded and headed back to the truck. Lynna made a mental note of the grocery store down the block, not wanting to pass up any opportunity. They hopped back in and started back to the Sanctuary.   
Lynna stared out the window day dreaming, thinking about how different she was from the girl who went to D.C. to make a change. She was a whole different person. She shaken out of her thoughts as a loud bang erupted from underneath her. The tires had popped and dwight swerved the car to a stop.   
“Shit! Must have rolled over something.” He said. Lynna groaned getting out of the truck. Just once it would be nice for a run to go smoothly, she thought. The tire was indeed popped, but nothing was stuck. Lynna looked up and saw something catching the sunlight on the road. She walked over towards it and saw a line of shiny, silver nails laid across the road.   
“We should get out of here. We’ll walk and bring a tire when we come back.” She told them.  
“It’s at least an eight hour walk from here. Let’s go back and get a tire from one of the cars in town.   
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We just need to go. I have a bad fee-”  
“You should’ve listened to the little lady.” A voice interrupted. A group came out of the trees, about five of them, guns pointed at Lynna and her group.   
“Who the hell are you?” She spat.  
“I’m Don, these are my men. We spotted this town, this is our town.” He growled.   
“I suppose we have no choice but to leave then.” Lynna smirked, her tone sarcastic.  
“Now why would I let you go. I assume you’re going to come back with more people and probably more weapons. It would make my life easier to just...shoot you here and now.” He said with a cocky grin.  
“If you shoot us, they’ll come looking for us. Believe me you won’t like it when they do. You’ll fucking wish you’d left us alone.” She snapped.  
“You watch your mouth bitch!”   
“Fucking make me cunt!” She yelled back. The man tightened his grip on the gun, clearly trying to stop himself from shooting her.   
“Boys round them up.” He barked. The men walked over and forced the group to the woods, their camp was a mess. Animal remains thrown across the floor, trash everywhere. The men forced the group on their knees.   
“We’re going to strike up a deal. You bring us a truckload of supplies and we don’t kill you.” Don said.   
“Not going to work for us. We don’t give people things. Especially if they threaten us.” Lynna growled. Dwight gave her a nudge to try and get her to shut up.   
“Listen princess, you are going to need to start to cooperate, or we’re gonna have to start hurting you. It’s been a real long time since we’ve seen a girl and I think we can think up some use for you. Dead or alive.” He smiled.   
“Touch her and I’ll kill you myself!” Jim yelled. Lynna glared at Don. She could tell he wasn’t bluffing. He would do terrible things to her the minute Dwight and Jim were gone. Maybe even if they were still there.   
“So princess, you are going to bring us a truckload of supplies and we won’t touch a pretty little hair on the pretty little head.” He smirked leaning down close to her. Lynna was silent for a minute. She looked up at him and spit in his face.   
“You bitch!” He screamed. He cocked his arm back and punched her in the side. Lynna gasped and clung to her side, it felt as though she had been stabbed as well as punched. The man lifted her fist up for all to see. He was wearing steel knuckles with points on the top, dripping with Lynna’s blood. She looked at her hand to see a substantial amount of blood was leaving her side, not to mention he more than likely broke her rib.   
Dwight tried to go after Don but was thrown to the ground by one of the men.   
“You gonna start cooperating now?” He yelled. Lynna looked up at him, she was having a hard time catching her breath.   
“We want supplies, food and water and ammo. We want you to bring it to us and we won’t kill you. We can do this the easy way or the hard way sweetheart…” He said in her ear as he took her gun from it’s holster and dragged the barrel of the gun along her face and down in between her thighs.   
“I fucking told you!” Jim yelled grabbing his gun out and shooting the man behind him. Dwight did the same, Lynna bit the ear off the man and spit it at his feet. He let out a scream and as Lynna stood shot her in the thigh. The three started running through the woods.   
“Keep going! Get her back, I’ll try and stop them.” Jim yelled as he began shooting. They turned to see the three remaining men lay him out and shoot him in the head.   
“We gotta go!” Dwight said grabbing Lynna’s arm as they ran as fast as Lynna’s injuries would allow her.   
“We aren’t going to be so nice anymore! You’re fucked now!” Don yelled after them. Lynna kept going, her leg was on fire and her side was screaming. She couldn’t stop, she was dead if she did.   
“We gotta split up. If we get the numbers down, it’ll be easier to take ‘em out.” Dwight said.   
“No. I gotta keep track of you. We need to stick together!” Lynna yelled, not sure she could keep going without his support.   
“You got this Lynna, just keep going. I’ll try and pick them off. Just get home.” He told her started running away from her.   
“Damn it Dwight!” She cursed and kept running. The sun was setting, she could use that to her advantage. She knew where she was, even in the dark. She hoped the man following her wouldn’t be as sure in the dark.   
Lynna kept limping now matter how tired she was. Her muscles were burning having to compensate for her injuries. She could finally see the lights of the Sanctuary in the distance.   
“Princess, you aren’t getting away. I will have you. You’ll be so sweet, I can almost taste you!” He growled. Fear was starting to creep in as Lynna ran. She didn’t know if she could get there, if she could take him. He was taller and more muscular than she was, not to mention she was injured.   
She was on the outskirts of the Sanctuary. She just needed to keep going and someone in the watch tower would see her. They had to. She stopped to rest on a tree, she just needed a second. She could barely breathe, her lungs hurt not to mention her ribs ached. The loss of blood was taking it toll. She looked down and could see her shirt covered in blood as well as her leg.   
“You are gonna regret what you did. I’ll make sure of it!” Don yelled. Lynna sighed as she got up and started for the Sanctuary. As soon as she was in the clearing she began waving her arms and yelling to get their attention. Don came up behind her and grabbed her putting his knuckles back in her side making her scream.   
“You’re mine now, Princess.” He said in her ear. Lynna got a second wind. She realized that even if they saw her, they wouldn’t get to her in time. He would have already started to violate her or have killed her. She tried to push away from him but wasn’t having any luck. She felt a knife in his belt and grabbed it. She shoved it as hard as she could into his torso. Don went falling backwards grasping his side.   
“You messed with the wrong bitch!” She yelled and brought the knife down into his skull. Her anger and exhaustion was getting the better of her. She couldn’t stop beating the knife into the now dead man’s skull. She beat and beat and beat it screaming as tears fell down her cheeks. She felt lights on her back as a truck pulled up behind her.   
“Holy fuck! Lynna!” She heard Negan yell, but she didn’t stop. There was no skull to speak of now, just a pile of mush and brains. She felt hands wrap around her waist and she turned aiming the knife at whoever grabbed her. She stared at Negan for a moment, pure rage and fear in her eyes. She dropped the knife and fell into his arms.   
“I got you. I got you Darlin’.” He told her as he picked her up.   
“They got Jim. I don’t know where Dwight is. He had two after him.” She mumbled into his chest.   
“Simon, Take a group and go look for him.” He barked.  
“Yes sir.” Simon said, Lynna could hear the anger in his voice. He wanted their blood just as much as Negan did.   
“If you find them alive, bring them back. We’ll need to have a talk.”Negan growled. It was most dangerous he had ever sounded. It sent chills down Lynna’s spine. That or it was the blood loss.   
Negan carried her into the infirmary and laid in on a bed. Carson came in after him. She could hear them mumbling about her wounds, but she couldn’t make it out.   
“We don’t have anesthesia. All I have is a mild numbing agent. It won’t do much.” Carson said. She could feel Negan’s hand tighten around her’s.   
“We have no choice right? Just be as quick as possible.” Negan said.  
“I will. Hold her down, with any luck she’ll pass out from the pain.” He sighed.   
“I’m really sorry about this Darlin’. This isn’t going be any fucking fun. I’m right here, alright? I’m right here.” Negan said putting his hands on her shoulders and pinning her to the bed. Lynna felt a small stab in her thigh. That wasn’t so bad, she thought. But she felt Carson go into her thigh with forceps, sending the most excruciating pain throughout her body. She screamed and tried to fight them, but was too weak.   
“I’m right here Lynna. I’m right here Darlin’!” Negan said over and over again. She could hear his voice crack, he was upset. She tried to stop screaming, but it wasn’t voluntary. She clung onto Negan’s arm trying to keep herself anchored and awake. If she was awake she knew she was alive. Her body had other plans. Her grip began to loosen and her eyes dropped closed.   
“Lynna! Lynna Darlin’! Lynna please!” She heard Negan cry out. She tried to fight it a little more before she was overtaken by darkness.


	12. Ch 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan teaches two men a lesson. Simon and Negan learn a little about themselves. Lynna's fate hangs in the balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long one!

Negan refused to leave her side. Day in, day out he sat by her bed willing her to wake up. She had slipped into a coma and had been out for five days. Negan found he couldn’t stop blaming himself. If he had delayed it a day or up it a day or sent more people or just begged her to stay and make someone else go, things would be different. She’d be talking, laughing, okay.   
“Sir, you should really go get some proper sleep. If she wakes up we’ll send for you.” Carson told him. Negan shook his head.   
“No. I’m fine. I’m going to be here when she wakes up. When!” He yelled at Carson, offended by him thinking Lynna wouldn’t wake up.   
“Sir, Simon is back. They found Dwight, he’s okay. They...they brought two men back alive.” Arat told him as she entered the room. Negan sat up, rage consuming him again. He stood up and picked up Lucille, his grip tight.   
“Good. Arat, get your tools.” He growled. Arat smiled and ran from the room. Negan walked out, ready to kill.  
“Got two of them for you boss. They tried to give us trouble, but it wasn’t hard to catch them. Al got the brunt of it.” He said motioning towards a man who had blood running down his face. Dwight came running up to Negan, his face bruised and bloody.   
“I’m sorry sir. She said we should go and I didn’t listen. I tried to get them away from her, but one broke away.” Dwight said angry with himself.   
“Shut up.” Negan said, he was mad about the whole situation. He was angry that Dwight had left her, good intentions or not.   
“How is she boss?” Simon asked running a hand over his face.   
“Not great. She’s in a coma. Carson doesn’t know when she’ll wake up.” Negan sighed, looking to the ground.   
“She’s in the infirmary. Dwight take Al with you up there. You can see her.” Negan sighed. Dwight nodded and left. Simon put a hand on Negan’s back.   
“Put them in the back room.” Negan told his men as the two remaining culprits were dragged from the truck. Negan wanted to run over and bash their brains in then and there. He stopped himself because he wanted them to suffer. He wanted them to feel the pain they caused his Lynna.   
Negan walked into the badly lit room with the two men. Simon and Arat behind him. He stood staring down at them, they tried to look tough and unafraid. He cocked his head and smiled.   
“I’m Negan. That man you killed, he was mine. The other man you beat? One of my best men. That woman...you tortured...that was my wife.” He growled through his teeth.   
“You think that you were just going to be killed and that would be that. Shit were you wrong. You see you put my woman through a lot of pain, she’s still probably in pain and will be for a while. So you get to feel that pain too. Understand what she went through, what they went through.” He said leaning down to eye level.   
“You’re really going to regret your fucking actions. You’ll be begging for the sweet fucking release of death!” The men’s faces turned from cold and resistant to fearful and regretful as they realized what they were in for.   
Dwight sat in the infirmary as Carson treated his wounds. He looked over at the bed Lynna laid on wishing he’d done something different.   
“Carson...did they...did they do anything else to her? Did he…” He couldn’t finish his sentence.   
“No. She killed him before he could do anything like that.” Carson reassured him. Dwight just nodded in response. Carson finished stitching him up and went to fix Al. Dwight got up and went over to Lynna. They weren’t best friends, but they got a long. She treated him well and they’d joke. It was because of her that he got Sherry back.   
“I’m sorry Lynna. I’m really sorry. I’m an idiot. I should have listened.” he told her his head hung low. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive himself.   
Negan stood in front of the men screaming, watching as their blood dripped onto the floor. Arat was his best for torture. She knew exactly how much a person could take before they would pass out or just die. He needed that now. He didn’t want them dead, not yet.   
“We’re on the brink boss.” Arat said looking up at him covered in blood. He nodded looking down at the pathetic pieces of shit.   
“Keep going.” He growled.   
“No! No please!” They yelled. Arat went back to work. Simon put a hand on Negan’s shoulder pulling him closer.   
“We’ve been at this for hours. Do you think we might be crossing a line here?” He asked. Negan looked at him hurt.   
“They deserve this. I can’t do this to the man who did most of it, but I can torture the shit of those fuckwits. They will pay. Complacency is just as bad as committing the crime itself.”  
“Alright. You’re right. I want this as much as you do.” Simon told him. Negan nodded and turned back to the show.   
“Kill me! Just kill me! Please!” One of the men yelled. Negan smiled, that’s what he wanted to hear.   
“Arat.” He said. Arat stopped what she was doing and stepped back. She looked at her handy work and turned to smile at Simon. Negan walked up to them and leaned down.   
“I told you. You’d beg for death. Fuck, this is some truly beautiful work Arat. Shame to ruin it. But we are reasonable people here.” he stood smiling as he picked up Lucille.   
“I think we can help you out with that request. If there is an afterlife, I want you to tell that motherfucker, he was lucky she got him and not me.” He growled swinging Lucille down onto one of their heads. He put all his rage and blame into beating the men to death. He lost control of himself and kept going well past needed. He ran out of breath and stumbled back.   
“Good fucking riddance.” He spat at their corpses. Simon patted him on the back.   
“Arat burn them. I don’t want a trace of their existence left.” He barked as he left the room. Negan walked towards the infirmary, but Simon stopped him.   
“Boss, got take a shower. You’re covered in brains and god knows what else. I’ll have someone clean Lucille. I’ll go sit with her. Maybe take a nap. They said you haven’t left in days. I’ll be with her.” Simon told him taking Lucille from his grasp. Negan stood unsure of what to do before nodding heading back towards his room. He didn’t want her to wake up to him covered in blood.  
Simon walked into the infirmary, surprised to see Dwight still there. Simon pulled up a chair next Lynna’s bed, looking over her and sighing. He thought seeing the men tortured would make the anger go away, but it didn’t.   
“Al, will you get someone to clean Lucille.” Simon commanded handing her over.   
“No. I’ll do it. I’ll clean her up. I need to do something.” Dwight said standing and grabbing Lucille.   
“Hey, you tried to do what was right. She was out numbered and you tried to lessen the load. Stop fucking blaming yourself.” Simon told Dwight as he shoved him towards the door. The two left with the bat.   
Simon watched Lynna breathe, at least she could breathe on her own. It was one comfort, not having to see her with tubes sticking out of her. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He didn’t mean to care for her so much, he didn’t really care about anyone but her and Negan. He liked Arat and sure he’d take a bullet for any of his men. But he’d kill for Lynna.   
“I think I read somewhere once that you can still hear me. Maybe it was some bullshit in a movie, I don’t know.” Simon sighed shaking his head.  
“You’ve got a few people who still need you around. You’ve changed things around here Snow and I don’t particularly want to go back.” He gave a sad laugh.   
“You have to wake up. You have to wake up for him. He won’t survive this. None of us will survive if you go. He’s a mess already.” He looked up at her expressionless face.   
“I don’t think I’ll survive if you go. Not sure I’d want to.” His voice cracking. He cleared his throat trying to keep composure.   
“I may be stone cold steel sometimes, but goddamn you. You dug up a heart again. Thought I’d buried deep enough, but you still found it.” He told her. He kissed her hand and sat back.   
Negan came walking in, every time he walked into the infirmary he had small look of hope on his face. He hoped he would hear her voice or see her eyes flutter open again. His heart broke every time he saw her still asleep.   
“Thank you Simon.” Negan said as he sat on the opposite side of the bed. Simon gave him a nod. The two men sat in silence absorbing the others pain. A mutual understanding that they both felt turned upside without her.   
“You’ve been training Arat, right? Teaching her the ropes of being in charge?” Negan questioned.   
“Yeah, she’s handling it all pretty well. She’s been doing most of my work for the past month so I could see how she handled it. Why?” Simon asked.   
“If...if things turn south we might need someone in charge for a while. We might need her to take over.” Negan said, his eyes never leaving Lynna’s face. Simon was taken back. Negan tended to be a control freak, he didn’t relinquish his whole operation to anyone, ever.   
“Yeah. She could handle it. But it won’t come to that.” Simon told him, trying to reassure himself more than Negan.   
“If it does. If she turns, I...I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it. I need to know you can.” Negan’s voice cracking. He knew it should be himself. He knew he should take her out. But he wasn’t sure he could. He couldn’t the first time.   
“I can do it Negan.” Simon said with a sure voice.   
“Fuck! I can’t believe I fell for someone. I was just going to fuck my way through the end of the world. No attachments, no feelings. Just pussy and tits and no heart! That's all I wanted. But she had to fucking show up! Ruin my plans.” He shook his head.   
“The world ended, but that didn’t mean you stopped being human. I mean, humanity is not your thing, but you are technically human. You can’t just not have feelings.” Simon told him.   
Negan reached out for her hand. It was warm. It looked so small in his. He never saw her as delicate or fragile, but in the moment he saw how much he was. He was fragile for her and only her. He saw Simon had fallen asleep in his chair. He knew making him go to his room was hopeless. Negan laid his head on Lynna’s bed as the exhaustion finally hit and he passed out.   
“You look like shit.” Lynna told Negan as they stood on top of the Sanctuary. He laughed and nodded.  
“Your fault I look like shit.” he told her moving to hold her face in his hands. He pulled her in for a kiss.   
“Negan, if this is it you gotta keep going. For me. I don’t want to be the person who took you out. I can’t be.” She said running her hands through his hair.  
“But I don’t want any of this without you. Not anymore.” He told her grabbing her hands.   
“You have people who depend on you Negan. Everyone here depends on you. You need to keep going.” She told him.   
“Stop talking like you’re already gone. You aren’t. I fucking hate dreams like this.” He grumbled.   
“Like what?”  
“Dreams where it’s clearly my conscious talking to me. It’s dumb.” He groaned.   
“Yeah, it is. But you clearly needed to hear it or we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” She laughed.   
“I’ll haunt your ass if you give up. Ever. Even if I pull out of this. There will probably be another time when it looks like I won’t make it. If I ever kick it before you, you can’t give up.” She smiled running her hands through his hair and playing with it.   
“I’ll try.” He sighed pulling her into him as he enjoyed feeling her fingers run through his hair.   
Negan groaned as he started to wake up. He felt fingers in his hair and sighed, leaning into the feeling. He thought he was still asleep.   
“You were snoring, must have been a good dream.” He heard Lynna say. His head shot up and saw she was awake and smiling. He couldn’t think of anything to say, his brain had stopped working.   
“I...Hi.” he mumbled out. She let out a breathy laugh. He grabbed her hand and kissed it.   
“Hi. How long was I out?” She asked.   
“Little over a week. You were in a coma. I should get Carson.” He said about to move, but she grabbed his hand pulling him closer.  
“Carson can wait. You look like shit.” She laughed putting her hand on his cheek and rubbing circles with her thumb.   
“You said that in my dream.” Negan laughed leaning into her touch.   
“Well, you do look like shit. Even your own head is telling you, that’s how shitty you look.” She chuckled. It was the best sound in the world. Negan hadn’t realized how much he missed her laugh until he heard it again.   
“Oh shit!” They turned to see Simon had woken up. He sat up smiling like he had won a bet.   
“Snow! You’re awake! It’s good to see you!” He said patting her arm. He looked at them and realized he might have just ruined a nice moment.   
“I’ll go grab Carson. Tell him you’re up.” He said clearing his throat and leaving. They couldn’t help but laugh as he left.   
“Thought I was gonna lose you there for a minute.” Negan said holding onto her hand.   
“Nah. It’ll take more than that to take me out.” She reassured him. He smiled, she was tough. Tougher than he ever thought a person could be.   
“I could hear you. Like you were talking to me but far away. I could hear words. Simon too. Everyone. I kept trying to talk back, but I couldn’t.” She said looking like she had somehow failed him.   
“It’s okay. You didn’t need to say anything. I just needed you to hear me.” he told her cupping her face in his hand. He leaned forward and kissed her, pulling her as close as he could. They broke apart, just centimeters from each other.  
“I love you.” He whispered.   
“I love you too.” She told him pulling him into another kiss. Carson came in with Simon following.   
“Sorry to interrupt. It’s good to see you awake.” Carson said patting her foot. Simon was beaming beside him.   
“Gave us quite a scare there Snow.” Simon told her.   
“Just trying to keep everyone on their toes.” She smiled.   
“Alright, just going to check you over.” Carson said as he examined her. Simon walked over and gave Negan a pat on the back. Negan let out a relieved sigh.   
“Everything is looking good. There might be some memory loss, more than likely it’ll come back. Don’t worry too much. Now that you’re awake, I’m going to redress your wounds and you can head back to your room. Negan has very capable hands.” Carson smiled.   
“Sounds good to me doc.” Lynna smiled and gave Negan’s hand a squeeze. He looked relieved to hear she would be okay.   
“No strenuous activity for at least a couple of weeks. I know I’ll have to redo those stitches a few times, no one ever listens. But if we can keep it as few as possible, it’ll be easier to recover.” Carson said, eyeing Negan.   
“I’ll make sure he’s a good boy. I think sometime off would be nice. Just for a while anyway.” She smiled. Negan could see there was something behind her eyes. A sadness, maybe even a little fear. Negan remembered the look in her eyes that night. It was the first time he had seen her truly scared.   
“You deserve it Darlin’.” He told her. Carson dressed her wounds and gave Negan some medicine to give her.   
“Simon you keep them up on those.” Carson told Simon who gave him a nod.   
“You’re all set. I’ll be by every afternoon to check on you and redress the wounds. You have extra if you need it. Maybe Negan will finally get some rest.” Carson chided. Negan wrapped his arms around Lynna and lifted her from the bed and made his way to their room.   
“I quite like being carried around like a queen.” She chuckled.   
“I’ll carry you anytime. You are my queen.” He told her. She buried her face in his neck, breathing in the familiar smell. He laid her down on the bed and helped prop her up with pillows. Simon put all the supplies down on the table.   
“I missed you Snow.” He told her and left. Negan crawled into bed beside her. She crawled up closer to him.   
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said looking at her wounds on the right side of her body.   
“You won’t. I just want to be as close as possible.” She told him snuggling up to him. He gave in and wrapped her up in his arms, his head resting atop her’s. He burried his face in her hair, smelling her sweet smell.   
“Did you kill them? The rest?” She asked.   
“Of course I did. Not before I gave them a taste of their own medicine. Arat did a beautiful job.” He told her.   
“She always does.” She sighed.   
“Made the beg for death. Made them pay.” He growled.   
“Good.” She said. There was a darkness to her voice. Negan could tell this would change her. But he wasn’t sure how or if it would be for the better or worse.


	13. Ch 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna and Negan have a breaking point.

It had been a week since Lynna had woken up, two since her attack. She was already frustrated by how slowly she was healing. It wasn’t quite as frustrating as how everyone had started to treat her. They all fussed over her, no matter what she said. She wanted to get back to work, but still couldn’t walk unassisted. She constantly wanted to scream.   
She sat outside on one of the overlooks, watching the prisoners on fence duty try to handle the dead. She just wanted to feel useful again, so badly. She heard the door creak open and sighed, thinking it was Negan trying to corral her yet again. She was surprised to see Simon staring down at her.   
“You aren’t supposed to be out here, Snow.” He told her hand on his hip.   
“Don’t you start. I needed some fresh air. It’s supposed to be good for you or some shit.” She told him.   
“Boss has been looking for ya. You just might make his hair fall out.” He chuckled.   
“He’ll be fine for a minute longer. It’s such a nice day.” She said facing the sun.   
“Yeah, you’re right. Just another minute and then I’m taking you back inside.” He told her sitting next to her.   
“Since when are you so obedient?” She laughed.   
“Since you didn’t see him and Arat torture those men. I’ve seen him do some bad shit. That was another level. When it comes to you, I ain’t gonna fuck around. He might just use my beautiful hook in some unsavory ways.” He said holding his hook to sparkle in the sun.  
Lynna shook her head and looked out on the fence. There was a new prisoner on fence duty. He must have gotten there when she was out. He looked up at her and winked. Lynna looked back him confused. He wouldn’t do that. Not to her. But as he triumphantly put a walker on the fence by himself, he did it again.   
“The fuck…” Lynna grumbled before standing, grabbing her cane and throwing a leg over the rail and sliding down it to the ground. She limped over to the Savior on duty.   
“That prisoner...4, I want him over here now.” She told the man. He looked nervous and scared.   
“Um...it’s just that we have orders to not let you do anything that might hurt you or really...anything.” He told her his voice shaking.   
“What!? Who gave you this order!?” She yelled.   
“Lynna, let’s go back in now. It’s time to go back in.” Simon said putting a hand on her shoulder. She shook him off keeping eye contact with the Savior.   
“N-Negan gave us the order ma'am.” He stuttered. Lynna felt her face turning red as the anger bubbled.   
“I don’t care what Negan told you, go get me that prisoner.” She told him. The man stood unsure of what to do. He was screwed either way.   
“I...I can’t do that.” He told her. Lynna threw a punch directly at his noes. It sent the man stumbling back and his nose bursting with blood.   
“Get.Me.The.Prisoner!” She yelled. The Savior didn’t hesitate this time and ran over and got the prisoner and stood him in front of her.   
“You think it’s funny to flirt with me? You think you can just get away with that?” She barked.   
“I...I was just having fun. I didn’t think anyone would mind.” He shrugged.   
“You don’t know who I am do you? I’m Lynna. I fucking run this shit!” She punched him in the jaw.   
“Put him back in the cell. Easy Street for a while.” She told the Savior and turned to walk away. She looked up and saw Negan waiting for her at the top of the stairs, his arms crossed and looking grumpy. She started to limp up the stairs. She didn’t want to deal with this.   
“Simon! You asshole, help the woman up the stairs!” Negan barked. Simon came running up beside Lynna and wrapped an arm around her to help.   
“I can do it! Move that arm or I’ll cut it off.” She growled as she limped up the stairs. She got to the top and stood toe to toe with Negan.   
“You’re supposed to be resting. You’ve ripped your stitches.” He pointed to her shirt that was now slowly turning red. She cursed under her breath.   
“You’re in just as much trouble.” She growled and pushed past him to walk back to their room. Negan walked a few steps behind her, suddenly feeling guilty.   
“I told you that order was a bad idea.” Simon said.   
“Now is really not the fucking time.” Negan snarled.   
“Whatever. I’m going to tell Carson to go patch her up.” Simon ran off.   
Lynna wrenched open the door sending it crashing into the wall. She stomped to the bathroom and took her shirt off, trying to salvage it.   
“You’re mad about the order.” Negan sighed in the doorway. She shot him a look that could kill and went back to scrubbing the blood from her shirt.   
“Darlin’ I was jus-” Lynna cut him off with a wave of her hand.   
“Carson will be here in a second. We’ll talk when he’s finished.” She said through her teeth. Sure enough a second later Carson came in.   
“I’m here to stitch Lynna up.” He called out into the room. She sighed and walked back out.   
“Whoa! Hey! Shirt!” Negan yelled throwing a discarded shirt that was his at her. She grabbed it and threw it back at him.   
“It’s fine. Nothing I haven’t seen before.” Carson joked. Lynna sat down to let him do his work.   
“Not a great thing to fucking say to me doc.” Negan grumbled. Carson kept his eyes down and focused on getting his work done. The tension in the air was thick. They were both silently fuming, just waiting for witnesses to be gone.   
“Alright, should be all set, try and keep these in.” Carson nodded and quickly left. The door clicked shut and Lynna was on her feet.   
“You ordered them to not let me do anything!?!” She screamed.  
“No! No, I didn’t say that. I told them not to let you do anything violent or strenuous or tell you anything that might be stressful.” He tried to justify.  
“So anything! You told them to treat me like a motherfucking toddler! Like I can’t handle anything!” She yelled shoving him.   
“I just wanted you to relax and recover! You needed to recover! I was being a good husband!” He yelled.   
“Good? You think that this is what a good husband does?” She growled.   
“Yes!” He said throwing his hands up.   
“A good husband wouldn’t take my reputation and ruin it!” She yelled, her anger starting to manifest tears.   
“What? I didn’t do that!” He said confused.   
“Yes you did! They look at me like I’m weak now! Like I’m not to be feared! Just some girl Negan fucks! It took a lot of effort to get my reputation and you tore to shreds in a few sentences!” She screamed shoving him again.   
“I didn’t mean to! I just want to keep you safe until you can defend yourself! I don’t want to see you hurt!” He growled.  
“I can keep myself safe! I’ve been doing it for a while!” She screamed.   
“I know you can! But for once just let me do it! Just listen to me for fucking once! I mean motherfucking shit Lynna! You won’t let me help you when you can barely walk by yourself! You want to talk about reputations!? How about you ignore every fucking order I give you! You underman me at every turn!” He screamed.   
Lynna picked up a glass ashtray from the table near her and hurled it at his feet.   
“Fuck!” He shouted jumping.   
“It’s not the same! You will always be feared! I have to earn their fear! I have to make them fear me! This isn’t about you! I haven’t done this! I don’t know how still!” She yelled.   
“You don’t know what!?”   
“How to fucking love you! I do! I just...I don’t know how to do it properly! I haven’t had to care for people in years and now I do again and I fuck up! Okay! I fuck up!” She sighed backing away from him.   
“Well I haven’t either. But I see your point. I shouldn’t have given that order, but it felt like the only way to protect you from yourself.” He told her.   
“We both fuck up I guess. I’m still mad. But I forgive you. Ah! Shit!” Lynna yelled grabbing her side.   
“You didn’t.” Negan said looking at her wound.   
“I fucking tore the bitches again!” She yelled frustrated. Negan went out the door and told someone to grab Carson again. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed some gauze and wen over and put it on her side.   
“Ah! Gentle! It’s still tender.” She sighed.   
“Sorry. My big dumb hands don’t know their strength.” He smiled. She put her hand over his and sighed.   
“I know I’m a pain the ass. I don’t mean to be. I just can’t help it. I’ll try harder I guess.” She looked up at him. He put his free hand on her cheek.   
“Me too. But I’m not going all soft for you.” He winked.   
“Who are you kidding? It’s impossible for you to be soft around me.” They laughed and he leaned down to kiss her.   
“You’re going to be the death of me woman.” He told her. She nodded and smiled. Carson came back into the room with a defeated look on his face.   
“I tried to stop her doc, she just wouldn’t listen. She is just too naughty.” Negan said. Lynna smacked him in the chest and sat back down for Carson.   
“I didn’t mean to tear them. I work on keeping them intact for longer than a day.” She told him. He just sighed and stitched her up.   
“I’ll be in my room if it happens again. Please...just try and take it easy. You are still at risk for infection.” He said looking exhausted. Lynna nodded as he left. Once they were alone, they both sat silent.   
“Will you make me a promise?” Lynna turned to Negan. He walked over and sat in front o of her.   
“Yes. Anything Darlin’.” He told her.   
“Will you please promise to let me be however I am. Injured or not. If it looks like it’s actually too dangerous, like you wouldn’t let Simon do it type of dangerous, you’ll stop me. But if it isn’t, you’ll let me do it. You won’t try to protect me.”  
“I...with reason I will do my best to not stop you from yourself unless absolutely necessary. I won’t protect you, unless someone is actually trying to kill you then I have to. No buts about that one.” He told her.   
“Good enough.” She smiled.   
“Will you promise to stop undermining me, at least in front of all my Saviors? And try to listen before you jump and do your own thing, like actually fucking listen.” He asked.   
“I’ll do my best.” She said getting up and sitting on his lap.   
“If people only saw how we are in here. They wouldn’t be so afraid.” Negan chuckled wrapping his arms around her.   
“Maybe not so much of you, but they’d still be scared of me. I’m just terrifying.” She smiled.   
“Darlin’ you are without a doubt the scariest person I have ever met. Thought that the moment I saw you take out those dead fucks with all that precision. I was scared and hard all at the same time.” He laughed.   
“I just thought you had a death wish. Or maybe overly cocky. Swinging that bat like it was a game and not your life. Still haven’t decided which it was though.”  
“A little of both maybe.” He told her. He pulled her down into a kiss, his hands sliding up and down her body, grabbing her ass. She ran her fingers through his hair, tugging him back into a hard kiss. His hands searched for the clasp on her bra. She swatted his hands away and pulled back.   
“Uh uh mister. Doctors orders remember?” She told him with a wicked grin.   
“But...no I’ll be gentle. I promise, no rough stuff.” He said practically begging.   
“What a hypocrite. Mister I want you to be safe and relax and heal, except when I have a hard on.” She said getting up and walking over to the bathroom and closing the door.   
“I..Baby! You can’t...Lynna! You can’t leave me like this AND take the bathroom!” He said banging on the door.   
“Shit!” This woman would most definitely be the death of him.


	14. Ch 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Know who you're messing with.

Lynna was keeping a tally of how many times she had to get her stitches redone. Much to Carson’s dismay the tally was now up to ten. She never meant to, but she wasn’t exactly being careful in regards to them either. Despite her constant neglect for her own health, she was healing rather well. As long as she didn’t rip the stitches for a week she’d be able to get them taken out of her side.   
Her leg was proving a much more difficult task. It was taking awhile to heal. Carson told her there was damage to the muscle and she would need some time for her body to try and repair it. It aggravated her to no end. She didn’t like feeling weak or looking it. If anyone did treat her like she was a wilting flower, she knew how to use her cane to show them she most certainly wasn’t.   
She tried to hide how much pain she was in at the end of the day. She didn’t like to fuss. Part of her thought that maybe if she didn’t say anything it would make it go away. Negan always saw right through it. They had taken to hot baths at night to try and calm the sore muscles. They worked a little, not enough to let her get any real sleep, but she didn’t tell him that.   
Lynna was walking to the conference room, helping Simon get ready for a long run to scope new territory. There had been a few new recruits to the Saviors lately. Lynna hadn’t made time to meet any of them yet, she had better things to do. She heard a few men walking behind her talking. She ignored them until she heard a whistle.   
“That’s a nice ass ya got on you there sweetheart.” A young man said smacking her behind and laughing. She turned to face him, glaring into his soul. Over his shoulder, she saw Negan fuming a few feet away.   
“That wasn’t very gentlemanly.” She growled.   
“Learn to take a compliment sugar.” He said starting to walk away. Lynna slammed the end of her cane on the wall to stop him, just missing the tip of his nose. He looked at her appalled.   
“Listen lady, I was just complimenting you, you can’t take it that ain’t my problem.” He said getting in her face. She slammed him up against the wall.   
“I am not just some lady, I am most certainly not your sweetheart and you don’t get to grab my ass. You’re new so I’ll let it slide this time. But next time know who you’re fucking with.” She said through clenched teeth. The man looked over and saw Negan, face red and his grip on Lucille tight. A look of terror came over his face as he realized what he had actually done.   
“If I hear about you do anything like this to anyone else, it won’t end well for you. You’re on maintenance duty for a month. Get the fuck out of my sight.” She barked and let him go. The man ran. Lynna straightened her shirt and kept walking.   
“He should get the iron.” Negan said fuming next to her.   
“He’s young and stupid. He should’ve learned his lesson. If he doesn’t then he gets the iron.” She told him. They went to the conference room and laid out all the maps they had. Lynna sunk into a chair, wincing as she did. This didn’t go unnoticed by Negan.   
“I think twenty men should be enough. We don’t want to show our whole hand if there is a group out there. Just enough to be intimidating and able to defend themselves.” Lynna said.   
“Twenty would be enough to bring a lot back if we found anything.” Simon nodded.   
“Twenty it is. We aren’t having any other runs while this is going on so it won’t be a big hit to us. Pack the MREs for this one though. I’d rather not have a shit ton of our cans leaving.” Negan sighed. Simon nodded and left. Lynna groaned as she got to her feet.   
“Alright, enough of this macho bullshit. I’m having Carson give you pain meds.” Neg said standing in front of her.   
“I’m fine, just sore. Don’t be so dramatic.” She scoffed pushing past him. He grabbed her arm to stop her.   
“You’re in pain and if it’s enough for you to actually show some sign of it, it has to be bad.” He told her and let go of her arm.   
“I’m handling it. Someone else might need it. I can stand it, then that’s it. I won’t take meds from someone who needs it.” She huffed as she walked out of the room. Negan ran to catch up to her.   
“You need it.” He told her. She grumbled as she walked away from him to their room. She flounced onto the couch and grabbed a book trying to ignore Negan.  
“Fucking shit woman! Remember the whole try and listen thing!?” He yelled.   
“I did listen! I just know my body better than you do. I know what I can stand.” She told him. He walked over and fell next to her.   
“I know you worry, but I’m alright I promise. I can handle it.” She told him kissing his cheek.   
“Fine but I don’t like it.” He sighed. She waved him off.   
“You know it was kinda hot seeing you scare the shit out of the bastard. Why don’t I try and ease your pain in another way.” He whispered in her ear.  
“Oh yeah? Don’t you have a fence inspection to do?” She asked.   
“I’ll make Simon do it before he goes tomorrow.” He smiled nipping her neck, Lynna giggled and put the book away. She wrapped her arm around his neck and nibbled at his ear. He pulled her into a kiss, his hand moving to her thigh when he suddenly pulled back.   
“What the-” Lynna started but was cut off by Negan putting his hand back on her thigh, sending shock waves of pain through her leg.   
“Babe your leg is on fire!” He said looking worried.  
“Well you just hurt it so yeah!” She smacked his chest.   
“I’m having Carson come here now.” He growled as he got up. He grabbed Arat as she was passing by and made her get the doctor.   
“Actually now that I stop, I think you might be right. It is feeling off.” She said rubbing her sensitive thigh. Negan walked over and put his hand over hers.   
“Help me get my jeans off.” She said standing. She put her hands on his shoulders as he pulled her jeans down gingerly past her thigh. She dug her nails in as he pulled it past her thigh.   
“Shit, Darlin’ this doesn’t look good.” He said looking down at her wound. It was screaming red and turning a yellowish green at the center. She looked at it and sighed. She was an idiot for letting it get this bad.   
Carson came in and saw Lynna’s leg and trotted over to look at it.   
“This isn’t great.” He said.   
“Wow, what fucking brilliant damn observation.” Negan said.   
“It’s infected. It’s not too bad yet, I’ll give you antibiotics and it should clear up in a few days. You should keep off it and let the antibiotics work.” He told her as he cleaned it out. She winced and buried her face in Negan’s chest.   
“That’s all I can do for you. Take two twice a day for the next two days. As much rest as you can stand.” He told her handing her the bottle of meds. She nodded as he left. Negan helped her over to the bed.   
“Okay, so we’re going to listen to him right?” Negan asked.   
“Yes. I know when I’ve been beaten.” She sighed laying down. Negan leaned down and kissed her.   
“I’m sorry Darlin’. I know this is shitty, but it’s just two days.” He told her sitting on the edge of the bed.   
“I shouldn’t complain. People would kill for two days off now.” She shook her head.   
“Yeah, but it sucks to not be able to do anything.” He told her.   
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I suppose now I have to do the fence inspection.” He grumbled as he left. Lynna grabbed the book on her bedside table and started to read it.   
She hadn’t realized she’d fallen asleep until Negan came bursting into the room.   
“I come bearing food! Oh...shit you were asleep. I’m sorry Darlin’.” He chuckled as he walked over to her.   
“It’s fine. Thank you oh masterful hunter for bringing me a tray of beans and frozen veggies.” She chuckled as she took the tray from him.   
“Never say I don’t take care of you.” He smiled. He ran a hand through his hair and looked concerned.   
“What? You look like you need to say something. What is it?” Lynna asked as she ate. Negan sat silent for a minute, trying to figure out how to tell her what he needed.   
“We have a new family with us working for points. They have a kid with them.” He told her.  
“Yeah? So? There are lots of kids running around here.” She looked at him confused.  
“I know, it’s just that this little boy...his name is Jonah.” He waiting for her reaction. Lynna stopped eating. She handed him the tray.   
“I’m not very hungry.” She said sliding down into the blankets more. Negan got up and put the tray on the closest table. He went and got undressed and climbed into the bed next to her.   
“I can tell them to leave. We can put them at Hilltop or somewhere else.” He offered.   
“No, it’s fine. I can’t run from a name. It’s just a name.” She looked up at him and smiled.   
“Yeah it’s just a name. You feeling any better?” He asked pulling her into his chest.   
“Not really. Leg still hurts and I think the meds upset my tummy.”She sighed as she wrapped her arms around him. He whispered an apology in her ear as he rubbed her back. She focused on the feeling of his hands on her back and slowly drifted off to sleep.   
Lynna woke up to a dark room, not sure how long she’d been out or why she woke up. Something felt off. She couldn’t put her finger on it. Negan snored beside her. She looked at the clock, it was just three in the morning. She shook off the weird feeling and was going back to sleep when felt a sharp pain in her belly. It kept coming, it was getting worse. She threw the blankets off to get up, but it got worse as she moved and it took the breath out of her. She fell back onto the bed and curled around herself trying to get it to stop.   
“Negan...Negan please...Negan!” She pushed him, desperate to wake him. He rolled over and rubbed his eyes.   
“It’s the middle of the night, what is it?” He grumbled as he took in her frame in the dark and heard her gasping. He quickly turned the lamp on.   
“Oh shit! Lynna!” He yelled seeing her shaking in pain and blood surrounding her. He scrambled to his feet and ran over to her, picking her up and starting towards Carson’s room.   
“I got you Darlin’, I got you.” He told her as she clung onto him. Arat was walking down the hall when she spotted them.   
“Boss!” She yelled running up to them.   
“Go tell Carson to come to the infirmary. Now!” He yelled and she ran off. He got her to the infirmary and laid her on the bed and grabbed her hand.   
“I’m here Darlin’. I got you.” He said brushing the hair from her face. She closed her eyes trying to keep air in her lungs. Carson came barreling into the room. He quickly washed his hands and went over to her.   
“You have to wait outside, Negan. I need to concentrate and you need to go outside.” Carson told Negan without looking up at him.   
“Fuck not! I am not fucking waiting outside!” He yelled.  
“Negan, Boss just let him work. Come on.” Arat said pulling him out of the room and closing the door. Negan paced back and forth by the door. He didn’t know what was happening and he didn’t like it.   
“She’ll be alright, Boss. She always is.” Arat told him trying to get him to calm down. Negan ran his hands through his hair, not sure what to do with himself.   
“There was so much blood, Arat. It looked worse than when she got shot. So much blood…” He sighed.   
Negan and Arat sat on the floor outside the room, staring at the door. Negan’s foot wouldn’t stop tapping, he couldn’t stop worrying. Arat had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He was about to wake her up when the door opened and Carson came out.   
“She’s alright. She’ll be okay in a few days or so.” He told them.   
“Doc...what the hell was that? Did her leg explode or some shit?” Negan asked. Carson sighed and shook his head, wringing his hands.   
“No, her leg is fine. Negan...the blood...it was a miscarriage.” Carson said looking at the floor. Negan was stunned.   
“A...miscarriage...but she never said anything. Are you sure?” He asked, his throat feeling tight.   
“It was early, she didn’t even know yet and with everything going on with her injuries it would have been hard to tell. The infection is what caused it.” Carson explained. Arat put a hand on Negan’s shoulder.   
“I’ll let everyone know to leave you be tomorrow. I’ll take care of it.” She told him. Negan wasn’t listening anymore. He walked past Carson into the room. He stood in the doorway looking at her. She was pale, but her face was red from crying. He moved to sit in the chair by her bed. He reached up and picked up her hand.   
“I had no idea….I should have known….” she mumbled. Negan hushed her and squeezed her hand.   
“It’s alright Darlin’. It’ll be alright.” He told her. He kissed her hand.   
“I didn’t get a choice….I didn’t get to choose…”She said her voice cracking. Negan kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed and held her close.   
“I’m sorry Darlin’. I’m so sorry…” He sighed. He felt her shake in his arms as she started to cry. It broke his heart.   
“I thought I was dieing. I thought...I thought…” She sobbed. He held her tighter.   
“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He told her sending her into more sobs.   
“I was a proud idiot! If...if I had just been more careful...If...if…” She cried into his chest.   
“I should have seen it. I should have helped you….I should have taken care of you the way you deserve…” Negan said as he started to cry.   
“I’d just like a break! A break from all the shit that keeps getting thrown at me!” She grabbed onto his arms tighter.   
“I know Darlin….Me too….” He sighed. They held onto each other like they would break if they let go. They laid in each other’s arms sobbing the whole night.


	15. Ch 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan and Lynna deal with the aftermath.

Lynna was forced to stay in the infirmary where Carson could keep an eye on her and make sure she recovered. She found she didn’t care where she was sleeping at the moment. Negan hadn’t left her side and refused to do so. Arat was helping Simon get ready for the trip and basically run the Sanctuary, she enjoyed it even though she wished it were under better circumstances.   
“Boss, we can delay the trip a few days. It won’t hurt any.” Simon told him. In truth, he didn’t want to leave knowing Lynna wasn’t okay. He saw her as the little sister he never had. She was his family now, he couldn’t just leave her like this.   
“No, we delayed it a day already. The sooner you leave the sooner you get back.” Negan sighed.   
“It’s just...I don’t feel comfortable leaving right now. Not when I could maybe help.” Simon said. Negan nodded, he knew that it hurt Simon just as much to see Lynna hurt.   
“Just fucking go. Do your fucking job. No one can help. I don’t like to be alluded to when I’m laying right here.” Lynna snapped from her bed.   
“No one meant to upset you Snow.” Simon told her feeling guilty, he had been talking about her like she wasn’t in the room. It was stupid and he got a bad taste in his mouth.   
“No one ever does. Just do your job Simon.” She spat as she rolled away from them. Negan looked over at her distraught. He didn’t know how to make this better. It wasn’t something Carson could fix, he felt helpless for the first time in a long time. He pulled Simon from the room.   
“Go on the run. I’ll update you on the radio. You know she doesn’t like to be coddled. Delaying the trip for her will just make it worse.” Negan told him. Simon could tell this was taking a toll on Negan as well. His face looked older and he’d ever seen. He was usually spry and youthful for his age. He was depleted.   
“Yeah, alright. I told Arat to radio me if she needs help with anything, only come to you if it’s an emergency. Everyone should be leaving you alone.” Simon told him putting a hand on his shoulder.   
“I’m really sorry, Negan. This somehow seems...harder.” Simon sighed. Negan shook his head and patted Simon on the back before returning to the room. Lynna laid facing away from the door. Negan knew she was angry at herself. No matter what he said, she wouldn’t stop being mad at herself.   
“So, Carson said we could go outside for a walk today if you want. It’s nice fucking day out. Sunny and all. Might be nice.” He said standing at the foot of her bed.   
“I don’t want to do that.” Lynna buried her face in her pillow.   
“He said the fresh air and the sun will help you heal. Just a short one.” Negan said trying to get her out of bed.   
“There’s air in here.” She mumbled.   
“Darlin’ I don’t like seeing you like this. We got to do something to help you. I just want to help you get better.” He pleaded. Lynna sighed, she knew he was right. She couldn’t stay like this. She nodded and sat up. Negan ran to help her put her shoes on. Lynna forced herself out of bed, still in her pajamas.   
They started walking towards the outdoor overlook. Negan had his arm wrapped around her waist and held her hand with the other. The walked outside and Lynna was blind for a minute, her eyes adjusting to the sun. It was a nice day. It was warm, there was a breeze blowing the stench of the walkers away. There weren’t many days like these. She leaned into Negan as they walked, her body was still sore.   
“See? Real fucking nice out.” Negan smiled.   
“Yeah, better than I thought.” Lynna sighed. They stood basking in the sun for a moment. It was cut short by Simon and his men loading into the trucks to leave. Simon looked up at them and gave a nod before jumping in and leaving.   
“He shouldn’t have delayed the trip a day. He should have just gone.” Lynna said.   
“He worries about you. More than I do I think. He didn’t want to go if you were really bad off.” Negan told her.   
“I didn’t ask him to do that.” She sighed.   
“No, but it’s just as much for himself as it is for you. Like it or not Darlin’ people around here care about you.” He said.   
“I want to go back now.” Lynna said. She felt guilty for snapping at Simon. All he was doing was caring and she snapped. But she was mad. He knew better than to treat her like a child.   
Negan walked her back into the infirmary and back to bed. Lynna curled up and let out a shaky breath. She wasn’t sure if this was helping or hurting, being the infirmary instead of their bed.   
“I want to go back to our room. I don’t like being here and you aren’t sleeping.” Lynna said.   
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll ask Carson if you can go back later.” He said kissing her forehead.   
“Fine.” Lynna nodded. She could feel herself falling down a dark hole, she kept trying to stop it but just kept falling farther down. She knew if she didn’t stop soon, she wouldn’t be able to get out.   
“I tell someone to bring up some food. You need to eat.” Negan said.   
“I’m not hungry.” Lynna told him.   
“Lynna, you have to eat. You’ll start wasting away if you keep this up.” He told her, getting frustrated.   
“I’m fine. I’m just not hungry. Don’t take food from someone who needs it, who wants it.” She said.   
“You need the fucking food Lynna!” He said throwing his hands in the air. Lynna sat up and crossed her arms.   
“I’m fine! I don’t need the fucking food!” She yelled.   
“Lynna, Darlin’ I love you. I just want to help you. But I can’t fucking help you if you don’t help yourself.” He barked.   
“I don’t need your help. I was doing fine on my own. I was surviving alone and then I met you and it’s been nothing but pain. I have never had this many near death experiences! I meet you and I almost die weekly!” She screamed. Negan looked like she had just punched him the chest. The breath was taken from him for moment.   
“You think I want this to happen? You think I wanted to love anyone!? I was fine too! I met you and damn if I’ve gotten a full fucking night’s sleep! You fucking waltz in here and fuck everything up!” He screamed.   
“I didn’t fucking ask you to love me! I never said I wanted that! If I’m so hard to love, fuck one of your other wives!” She yelled, hot tears running down her face.   
“I don’t want them! I couldn’t care fucking less about them!” He yelled.   
“Just go! If you didn’t love me I wouldn’t be in the situation! I wouldn’t have lost a baby! I wouldn’t hate myself for it!” She screamed.   
“Lynna...I….” He stood speechless. He moved towards her but she put her hands up.   
“No! I don’t want anyone’s sympathy!” She tried to wipe the tears from her face, it was useless as they kept falling.   
“It was my baby too. It hurts me too.” Negan said defensive.   
“Just go Negan. Clearly this was a mistake.” She said trying to straighten up and compose herself.   
“A mistake? What does that mean?” He asked, afraid of her answer.   
“It means, I should have never stayed. My curiosity got the best of me. I can’t be with you. I can’t do it. It hurts too much.” She said, unable to make eye contact.   
“Lynna...don’t fucking do this. I don’t want to do this.” Negan’s voice cracked.   
“Just go. Please, I’ll move back to my old room. We don’t have to see each other. We just keep going and never see each other.” She said.   
“Darlin’ I can’t just stop. Please...you’re my queen.” He told her.   
“Go! I’m done.” She said laying back in bed. Negan stood looking at her. Trying to find some sign of regret. Hoping to hear her change her mind, but nothing happened. He turned and left slamming the door closed behind him. Lynna fell back against the pillow let herself sob. She didn’t know if she made the right choice. Either way she made one, she had to stick to it.   
Lynna put on the clothes she found in the closet of some Saviors room. She grabbed a backpack and walked down the halls, careful to avoid any person wandering around at night. She stopped as she walked by Simon’s room. Part of her wanted to forget all that she was about to do, just for him. This was going to break him. She walked in and looked around. She found a piece of paper and wrote a simple note. I’m sorry. She placed her necklace on top and left the room. She snuck down to the armoury, took her gun and knife and went to grab some cans from inventory marking them down so no one would get in trouble. She wasn’t hiding her tracks, she just didn’t want anyone to try and stop her.   
Lynna hopped the fence, careful to avoid anyone on guard duty as she ran for the treeline. She stood looking back at the base, thinking about Negan in his room probably pacing and angry. It made her chest hurt. She shook her head. She had to do this. This had to happen. She ran off, disappearing into the woods.


	16. Ch 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan learns of Lynna's leaving.

Negan laid asleep on his bed, fully clothed. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep for most of the night and had forgotten to get undressed. He was woken by a pounding on his door. He turned over, hoping they would go away. The banging continued and he begrudgingly got up and opened the door.   
“This better be fucking good, I am not in the mood for any motherfucking shitty games today.” He growled. Arat stood looking unsure if she should tell him the news or just try to fix it herself.   
“Arat, fucking tell me!” He yelled, making Arat jump.   
“Sorry sir. It’s Lynna. She left boss.” Arat said. Negan looked down at her confused. His head was still fuzzy with sleep.   
“Left? No, she said she was moving to her room. She’s probably in there.” He grumbled.   
“No. We checked, but she took all her things. We’ve looked up and down the whole base and she isn’t here. She took her weapons from the armoury and food and water from the pantry. She’s gone boss.” Arat said taking a step back, unsure of his reaction.   
Negan’s head started to spin. What was this emotion he was feeling? Anger? A little, he was mad she just left and no note or anything. It was a shitty fucking move. Fear? Yeah some of that was there too. She wasn’t healed all the way, it would be difficult to defend herself. But there was something else there that he hadn’t felt in a long time. Heartbroken. He was heartbroken. She had left him for good. He had no say and no control over it. His throat was starting to constrict on him, like she was strangling him by leaving.   
“Did...did she take her meds with her?” He asked clearing his throat. Arat looked at him confused.   
“Uh..yeah. She took them with her.” Arat said.   
“Good. Leave her be then. She wanted to leave, let her leave.” He growled. Arat was taken back and, she had to admit, a little disappointed.   
“But sir, she’s still recovering. I can send a small group out to get her.” Arat said.   
“No! We aren’t fucking wasting any resources on her motherfucking ass! She wanted to fucking leave, fucking let her fucking leave!” He screamed and slammed the door in Arat’s face. Arat stood confused and upset. She had grown fond of Lynna and didn’t like the fact that she was alone. But she was loyal to the Saviors and to Negan. She took a deep breath before going back to work.   
Negan paced around his room. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to do everything and nothing at the same time. He was so hurt and angry it felt as though his chest would burst. She was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else, just her. How was he supposed to function when she had ripped his heart from him and ran. He grabbed the closest thing and threw against the wall. It was vase that splintered into a thousand pieces. It felt good. He went around grabbing anything not nailed down and throwing it. He flipped the tables, tore the couch apart, all the while screaming.   
He stood in the middle of his room and looked around at the chaos he had caused. It made him feel empty. He sat on the edge of the bed trying to understand what he needed to do next. He couldn’t think straight.   
“Boss, we’ve had an accident. Cutting the trip short.” Simon’s voice cracked through the walkie talkie. Negan kicked things around until he found it.   
“A fucking accident? What the fucking fuck does that mean?” He growled into the walkie.   
“Dave got bit. In the arm, he’ll be fine. We should get him to Carson before it goes green. We got a shit load of supplies. Not groups out here as far as we could tell.” Simon said.   
“Fine. Whatever. Just try not to fuck anything else up.” Negan said.   
“Got it boss. How’s Lynna holding up?” Simon questioned. Negan held the walkie in a vice like grip.   
“Stop fucking asking question and just get your fucking asses back home.” Negan said and through the walkie away from him. Negan got up and grabbed lucille and left the room, he couldn’t stand to be there a second longer. His usual sunny, yet terrifying demeanor was gone. He looked dangerous as he walked the halls, just looking for someone to fuck up. Looking for a sign that someone did something wrong. We went to the main room and stood on the top of the stairs looking out over everyone. He could tell it was making people nervous. It didn’t have any effect on him.   
Negan stalked around the Sanctuary, ready to pounce on anyone or anything that even looked at him wrong. He finally couldn’t stand the look of anyone anymore and went back to his room. He stomped through the broken glass to the bed. He fell into it, hoping his exhaustion would catch up to him and he could just sleep. His head hit the pillow and he was met with her smell. The whole bed smelled like her. It made his chest hurt. He stripped the bed and pillows and stomped to the hall. He grabbed a passing Savior and made them take care of it. He went back in and fell back down. He wondered how long it would hurt. Lucille still hurt and that was years ago. He didn’t think he could last years like this.   
It was nearly two in the morning when a convoy of trucks pulled into the Sanctuary. Simon hopped out and ordered the men to take inventory before going to bed. He helped bring Dave to Carson. The man had passed out long ago and was dead weight to carry. Simon, along with another man, brought him into the infirmary, not so gently putting on the bed. Carson said he’d be able to fold over skin and make it look neat.   
Simon felt exhausted, his body ached from sitting in the car for hours on end. He was ready for sleep. He walked into his room and flicked on the lights, when something caught his eye. He walked over to the table and saw the note. All it said was I’m sorry. Lynna necklace lay next to it. His mind started racing. What the hell did this mean. He grabbed her necklace tight in his hand as he stormed out of the room.   
He was banging on Negan’s door so hard his fist was starting to bruise. He gave up and just opened the door.   
“Where is she?” Simon demanded. Negan sat up looking offended that Simon had just let himself in.   
“Oh please, just fucking let yourself fucking in. Shithead.” Negan growled.   
“No! Where the fuck is she Negan? What the hell happened!?” He yelled. Negan stood up stalking over to him. His eyes were flaming with anger. Simon was giving him what he had wanted all day. Something to fight with, something to punish.   
“She fucking left.” He said. His voice was quiet, but it somehow made it more scary.   
“She’s gone? Did you send someone after her?” Simon asked, unphased by the man.   
“No. She wanted to leave. I’m not wasting shit on her.” Negan said.   
“What!? You can’t just leave her out there alone! Negan she’s not healed up! She’s emotional! She’ll get herself killed!” Simon yelled.   
“This is what she wanted! She didn’t want to be here anymore Simon!” He growled.   
“Bullshit! I’m taking some men and I’m going to go find her.” Simon started towards the door.   
“No! You won’t go look for her! She made her choice!” Negan grabbed his arm.   
“I’ll go by myself. I’m not gonna pussy out like you.” He yanked his arm from Negan’s grasp and left. Simon stomped out of the building and grabbed a truck. He wasn’t going to let Lynna get herself killed. He couldn’t let it happen. He’d lost too much already, he wasn’t going to lose her too.   
Lynna sat at the base of a tree, warming herself by a small fire. Every second she was outside of the Sanctuary walls she wondered if she should just go back. She just kept going forward. She had to keep moving. She’d fall apart if she didn’t.   
Lynna woke up to the sun hitting her face. She groaned as she stood to pack up her things. She had adapted too well to the comforts of the Sanctuary. She felt softer, it worried her. She started off, just trying to keep her feet moving under her. She could see a road through the trees. She started towards, but when she got to the road she was met with a hoard of around one hundred walkers. She started to slowly back away when her foot stepped on something and she heard a small click. She looked down to see it was detonator and in the middle of the road was a bomb. She jumped away from it as it blew up, sending flames and rubble into the sky.   
She scrambled to get to her feet as she heard the walkers starting towards her. She had landed hard on her thigh, still tender, causing her to limp. She thought she’d lose them in the trees but they kept following. She got her gun out and started shooting down as many as she could. Her back to a tree and her gun clicking empty as her ammo was gone. She grabbed her knife and took a deep breath. If she was going to go down, she’d go down fighting. The walkers got closer and she started taking the out one by one with her knife, trying to move as much as she could. She couldn’t help but think she was done for.


	17. Ch 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lynna is in a sticky situation. How the hell will she get out of it?

Lynna was fighting as hard as she could, but there was so many of them. She was growing exhausted. She could feel herself trying to give up. It was getting harder to fight the urge to just stop and let them kill her.   
Suddenly shots rang out and walkers fell dead. She had been given a break. She fought harder, trying to see who was firing. She fought her way towards the truck she could see. Hanging out the window was Simon.   
“Can’t leave you alone, can I Snow.” He smiled. She ran towards him and jumped into the truck, walkers chasing her.   
“I was handling it.” She said out of breath. Simon looked at her, covered in blood and dirt and sweat, he nodded and chuckled.   
“Sure you were snow. No doubt about it.” He said driving off. Lynna sat fuming in the passenger seat.   
“I don’t want to go back, Simon. I’m a woman of my word. I said I wasn’t staying.” She crossed her arms.   
“Yeah, bullshit. It’s all a bunch of bullshit. So you two got into a spat? Big deal. Everyone does, that’s called life.” He told her.   
“It was more than that. I got soft while I was there, that’s why I keep getting hurt.” She said looking straight forward and not wavering.   
“I can get that, but you survived every time because of where you are. How many times have you seen someone get injured and die out here? A hell of a lot I’d assume. How many times have you seen people die at the Sanctuary who weren’t being executed? One.” He said. Lynna was stubborn. She didn’t want to admit he was right. She wanted him to be wrong. She wanted to him to tell her she made the right decision.   
“Look, he’s an asshole. I get it, believe me. But he cares about you. And you don’t have to fuck around with him. You can just be a Savior like the rest of us. Just don’t runaway.” He said. She looked at him shocked, he wasn’t one for emotion.   
“Snow, I don’t like not know you’re okay.” He told her. Lynna had to admit she didn’t like leaving Simon.   
“I’ll try. No promises. I don’t like not know you’re okay too.” She mumbled and slid down in her seat. Simon chuckled and put his hook on her leg, as if to pat it.   
“Everything will go to hell in a hand basket without you around anyway. Don’t act like you don’t like being needed.” He said running his hook across her cheek causing Lynna push him away with a giggle.   
“Stop being creepy!” She yelled.   
“Can’t help it, comes with having this wonderful ‘stache!” He chuckled running his hook over his mustache.   
“Thanks...for back there. You almost found a dead Lynna.” Lynna snorted.   
“Yeah, well I usually show up in the nick of time. It’s my thing.” He smiled. They sat in silence for a moment, Lynna’s mind wandering.   
“Simon will you promise me something?” She asked.   
“Sure why not.” He smiled. Lynna took a deep breath before continuing.   
“Will you promise me that if...if I ever go. If something happens to me that you’ll take care of me?” She asked. He looked at her confused.   
“Take care of you? What does that mean?” Simon asked.  
“Like, if I die. Something happens and I end up dead before you that you won’t let me turn. Don’t make Negan do it. It needs to be you.” She told him.   
“Don’t talk like that Snow.” Simon said, his voice turning dark.   
“It’s important. I almost died and turned. I don’t want to turn, I don’t want to do that to you or...anyone.” She cleared her throat.   
“I get it. I do. I don’t like it, but if that happens, which it won’t, I’ll do it.” He sighed.   
“Thanks Simon.” She said patting his shoulder.   
“Don’t have to thank me. I expect the same from you. Anyway I already made that promise to someone else.” He said.   
“What?” Lynna looked at him like he had three heads.   
“When you were in the coma, Negan asked me to do it. I told him I would. I’ll always take care of you Lynna, you idiot.” He smiled shaking his head.   
“You’re an idiot.” She scoffed.   
They arrived back at the Sanctuary and Negan was standing out on the balcony looking pissed as ever.   
“By the way, I may have disobeyed a direct order. He’s not going to be in a good mood with either of us. More me than you I would suspect.”Simon told her as they jumped out of the truck.   
Lynna found she didn’t want to go see him, but she also wanted run into his arms. She was at war with herself. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching Simon and Negan yell at each other until Simon walked off. Negan’s gaze turned to her and it sent shivers down her spine. He was so angry, but there was a sadness there that she hadn’t seen before. She walked up the stairs, head held high, trying to keep control of her emotions. She got to the top and stood in front of him, they were both silent.   
“Are you hurt?” Negan finally broke the silence.   
“Um...n-no. My leg is a bit sore. That’s it.” She said, her voice quiet.   
“Simon said you got cornered by a shit load of dead fucks. You sure you didn’t get bit?” He asked, his arms crossed.   
“Yeah, I’m fine. Negan I-”  
“No. Not here.” He barked as he turned and walked back in. He didn’t talk to her the whole way back to the room. They walked in and he closed the door.   
“Negan...I didn’t-” He put his hand up, interrupting her again.   
“No. I get to go first. You left me, so I get to go first.” He huffed. Lynna nodded, she at least owed him that.   
“You left in the dead of night, crawled away and didn’t even leave me a note. You fucking left Simon a shitty note. But not me. I didn’t deserve a note. I wake up and you are nowhere to be found. Do you know how fucking painful that was? How much goddamn agony and fucking fear I felt because of that!? You fucking left me!” He yelled getting closer. Lynna didn’t flinch.   
“I know. I’m dumb, I have no excuse. I thought it would be easier that way.” She said.   
“Easier for who?” He growled.   
“I don’t know.” She sighed shrugging her shoulders.  
“Damn it Lynna! Half of me wants to throw you out on your fucking ass for what you did!” He yelled.   
“I understand.” Lynna sighed.   
“Let me fucking finish, Christ woman! I can’t do that...because the other half of me wants to fucking hold onto you and never let go again. You scared the shit out of me. I thought I lost you for good.” He said shaking his head and looking to the ground.   
“Negan, I’m so sorry. I’m stupid. I’m not a good person, I know you think I am but I’m not. I can’t help it a lot of the time.” Lynna said, she wanted to run over to him and throw her arms around him.   
“If anyone here is a shit person, it’s me not you. We can’t help who we are I suppose. You’re the best person I’ve met. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this about someone before, not even Lucille. You’re making me sound like a damn pussy here.” He chuckled.   
“I feel the same way. I just have a shitty way of dealing with it I guess. I’ll try harder.” She said giving him a small smile.   
“We both will. Get the pretty ass over here.” He said, smile spreading across his face as she walked over to him and wrapped her hands around his neck.   
“I do love you. I think that scares me more than the dead.” She told him. He cupped her face with his hands.   
“Me too Darlin’. You scare the shit out of me.” He said leaning down to kiss her. She leaned into his touch, feeling starved for his touch. They broke the kiss and stared into each other’s eye for a moment before he pulled her to his chest. His throat was tight, he had missed her more than he had let himself realize. Lynna pulled away and looked around the room, something was different.   
“Um...Negan, where is all your stuff?” She asked looking at the room devoid of any of the decoration it once had.   
“Oh...I might have destroyed a lot of it. I was really pissed off when you left. I could have killed someone. I just broke shit instead.” He said shrugging.   
“I guess you’ll have to start trying to find more shit then.” She chuckled.  
“Nah, I got the most beautiful piece of art right here. Don’t need anything else.” He said kissing her neck.   
“You’re such an sappy idiot.” She laughed wrapping her arms around him.   
“Yeah, yeah I am. A huge fucking sappy damn idiot. But guess what? I’m your sappy fucking idiot. Jokes on you.” He laughed as he pulled her into a kiss.


	18. Ch 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what dreeeams are made of!

Lynna stood next to Negan at the gates to Alexandria. She felt the wind blow through her hair and dance against her skin. They were taking an awfully long time to open the gates. Something felt off.   
“I don’t like this.” She said looking over to Negan. He gave her a wide smile and wrapped an arm around her waist.   
“Relax Darlin’. We’re just getting out shit and leaving. Maybe torment a few fuckers but nothing too complicated.” He said as the gates slid open. Rick was standing with a few other people.   
“You’re early.” Rick said. He seemed different. His normal shaking tone of voice was now confident and steady.   
“No. We’re right on fucking time as always.” Negan smiled walking forward. Rick pulled out a gun and pointed it at Negan’s chest.   
“Oh! Look who suddenly found their balls!” Negan chuckled.   
“We aren’t giving you any more of our stuff. Go.” Rick growled.   
“Not how this will work, you dumb fuck!” Negan said bringing the bat up over his head about to swing when a shot rang out. Negan went falling to the ground. Lynna screamed and ran towards him. She knelt on the pavement that was slowly soaking in his blood.   
“Negan! Negan, stay with me! Please!” She yelled as she tried to stop the bleeding. Negan looked up at her and opened his mouth. Words didn’t come out, but a loud ringing. Lynna looked down at him confused. The ringing turned into an alarm.   
Lynna shot up in bed, out of breath and slightly sweaty. She turned and smacked the alarm clock off. Negan came out of the bathroom in his towel, brushing his teeth.   
“Shit Darkin’. You look like that alarm clock shot your dog!” He chuckled. She tried to catch her breath and make sense of the odd dream.   
“Get your fine ass moving. We eat breakfast and we’re on the road for our pick up.” He told her heading back into the bathroom.   
“Negan...Maybe we should delay the pick up.” She said walking to the bathroom. He spat in the sink and looked at her confused.  
“Delay? Why the fucking hell would we fucking delay?” He asked her.   
“I just...It’s early. They probably won’t have anything good yet.” She shrugged her shoulders.   
“Oh no. That is bullshit. Why do you actually want to delay. No lies.” He said crossing his arms. Lynna liked to think she was a practical person. She was logical and scientific. But if she had a dream or her gut said no, she wouldn’t hesitate to stop.   
“I had a dream we went and Rick shot you. You were bleeding out in my arms.” She said looking at the floor. Megan walked over and put his hand on her chin, pulling it up so she made eye contact.   
“It was a dream. Nothing more than that. Plus if Rick fucking shot me, he’d be dead in a second.” He smiled.   
“I just have a bad feeling about this. I just...I’m a little superstitious. I don’t like going against dreams.” She told him.   
“Darlin’, I’ll be fine. Promise. You can stay if you want to. But I have to go.” He told her kissing her as he walked back into the bedroom. Lynna stood in the bathroom doorway, weighing her options. She couldn’t let him go alone, she’d be a wreck here. Plus she’d never forgive herself if he died on the run and she wasn’t there for him. So she got ready.   
Lynna didn’t talk through breakfast. Her mind was racing. The table was boisterous and gleeful. Everyone was excited about the pick up, about messing with Alexandria. Lynna ate and sat silently, watching everyone. Maybe she was just being stupid. Dreams were just your brain trying to make sense of what happened in your life. It was probably residual stress from something.   
She sat across from Negan in one of the delivery trucks, her eyes on the floor. Negan carefully stood and moved to sit next to her.   
“Darlin’, if you stay so introspective and morose I’m going to have to keep you in the truck. You’ll bum everyone out!” He chuckled nudging her shoulder.   
“I know, I’m sorry. Just can’t stop thinking about that dream. It’s stupid. I’ll snap out of it.” She gave a forced smile.   
“Nah Darlin’. It’s not stupid to trust your gut. Those fucks would love me dead, you’d be stupid to think they wouldn’t eventually try something. I mean they already have more than once! But we have their guns. They have no ammo. I’ll be fine.” He said kissing Lynna’s cheek. She nodded kissed him back as they rolled up to the gates of Alexandria.   
Negan banged on the gate and they waited for someone to open it. Lynna kept a hand on her gun. They were taking to long for her liking. Negan reached down and grabbed her hand.   
“Relax. We got this.” He told her. The gates rolled open and they were greeted by Michonne instead of Rick.   
“Well! Today is a fucking treat! We get your gorgeous face instead of Rick. I do get tired of that stink eye.” Negan smiled.   
“You’re early. We don’t have much for you.” She said. Lynna wasn’t put at ease. Everything felt off.   
“Well, we’ll just have to settle for what you do have. I always say we’re reasonable people.” He smiled. Michonne gave a nod and lead everyone to the pantry. The Saviors started loading up everything Negan told them to. Lynna kept close eye on anyone who came close to them.   
“See? This wasn’t fucking hard! Rick always makes it so fucking painful. The lady is always the reasonable one.” Negan said looking over to Lynna and giving her a wink. A Savior walked back with a crate full of vegetables and Carl running behind him.   
“We need those! Those are for my baby sister!” Carl yelled.  
“Whoa! Where did you get this shit!” Negan asked flicking Carl’s hat up so his eye wasn’t hidden.   
“We have a garden out back. It’s small. She needs those for her food.” He growled. Megan nodded and thought for a minute before turning to the Savior who had the veggies.  
“Did you leave any when you took this?” Negan asked.   
“Yes, sir. Left more than half.” He told Negan.   
“Well, there we have it. You have more than enough for her.” Megan smiled and waved the Savior off. Carl was turning red.   
“You shouldn’t come here anymore. One day you won’t leave.” Carl growled. Megan leaned down close to his face.   
“That a threat little Rick?” Negan said, his voice light but terrifying.  
“No. That’s a promise.” Carl barked. They stood centimeters from each other before Negan leaned back and laughed.   
“That’s what I like to see from you, you badass!” He laughed. Carl seemed egged on by the laughter, his anger deepening. It happened in the matter of seconds. Carl took his knife out and stabbed it into Negan’s abdomen.  
“Fuck!” Megan gasped holding the wound. Lynna ran towards Began putting her hands on his torso. She went to grab her gun by Negan stopped her.   
“Don’t shoot the fucking kid! Don’t fucking shoot the goddamn fucking kid!” Negan barked as two men ran to grab him as he fell to his knees.   
“You will pay for this. Don’t think there won’t be punishment!” Lynna yelled as she ran after the men putting Negan in the back of the delivery truck. She knelt next to him in the truck putting pressure on the wound.   
“I knew it. I fucking knew it!” She said, cursing herself.   
“Alright, I’m fucking listening to your dreams from now on.” Negan coughed.   
“Shut up! Just...save your energy until we get you to Carson.” Lynna told him, trying to hide the worry in her voice. She was trying and failing to keep her tears at bay. Negan brought up his hand and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.   
“I’ll be fine Darlin’. You think a stab wound is gonna take me out!? Fuck no! You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” He smiled. She smiled and shook her head.   
They got back to the Sanctuary in record time. Everyone scrambling to help get Negan to Carson. Lynna ran behind everyone. They got him to the infirmary and put him on the bed. Carson cut the shirt off Negan started working on it. Lynna stood by his side, not sure what to do with herself.   
“Nice change of pace, me instead of you.” Megan smiled up at Lynna. She gave a half-hearted chuckle.   
“You can never just shut up, can you?” She smiled grabbing his hand.   
“Like the sound of my voice too much.” He laughed.   
“Okay, this isn’t going to feel nice. Take a deep breath and remember to breathe.” Carson said as he grabbed a bottle of something and started to pour it on the wound. Negan’s grip on Lynna’s hand tightened to the point she thought she’d need Carson next. He let out a blood curdling scream as Carson worked on the wound.   
“We got this. You got this.” Lynna told him, trying to be of some use. Carson worked quickly and fixed Negan up. He was put on bedrest for at least a week.   
“I should put you through that wall, making me scream like that in front of my woman.” He said with a breathy chuckle.   
“Like I haven’t made you scream like that before.” Lynna smiled.   
“Oh! Kitty’s got claws!” Negan laughed.   
“Alright you two. Stop being gross when other humans can hear it.” Simon said as he walked in making a face as though he’d eaten something sour.   
“Let’s get you to your room, Boss.” He said as he and Lynna both took an arm and started walking towards the bedroom.   
“I can’t get it wet for a while, you know what that means.” Megan smirked.   
“You’re going to smell and everyone is going to have to deal with it?” Lynna scoffed.   
“Nope! Sponge baths!” He said like he had just gotten the best present. Lynna rolled her eyes as they brought him into the bedroom and put him in bed. They thanked Simon who fled quickly after the sponge bath comment. Lynna sat on the side of the bed, running her hand over his scruff.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t listen to you. I maybe should have read the room better. I didn’t think he’d stab me. He seemed more like a shooting type, not a stabbing type.” Negan said.   
“It’s fine. We have to keep this place running. Can’t stop every time I have a weird dream.” She told him.   
“Still, I feel shitty for not taking you more seriously. I tell you what, as an apology, you can sit on my face.” He smiled. Lynna smacked his chest and laughed.   
“How about we watch one of those silly rom coms Arat hides from everyone instead?” She proposed.   
“I suppose we could do that too. I’m more partial to the sitting on face plan, but your call.” He shrugged.   
“I know you’re more partial to the face plan. But seeing as you have just been stabbed and put on a week of bedrest, we should probably not do that one.” She said climbing into bed and snuggling up to him.   
“Like I said, women are always more reasonable.” He said kissing the top of her head.   
“I know! Get some rest, I want you awake and alert when we watch Notting Hill.” She laughed.


	19. Ch 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan's paranoid, Lynna's worried.

Negan was up and moving the minute his bedrest was done. No matter what anyone said, he wouldn’t take anymore time to rest. He didn’t go on runs, but that didn’t mean he was taking it easy. He still ran the Sanctuary with an iron fist. They had taken all of the vehicles from Alexandria as punishment for Carl’s actions. They were none too happy.   
Negan was beginning to be paranoid about the Alexandrians rising up. He would stay up late trying to plan for their attack. He would fall into bed exhausted just before sunrise and sleep for four hours. Lynna saw how it was affecting him. He couldn’t keep going like this.   
The alarm clock screamed from Negan’s bedside table, making them both groan and wake up. Lynna crawled over Negan and shut it off.   
“Let’s go back to sleep. You need it, I want it. They can function without us for a few more hours.” She said laying on top of him, kissing his neck and putting her head on his chest.   
“No, I need to help Simon plan some fortifications today.” He grumbled running his hands up and down her back.   
“Come on, you’re running yourself ragged. You’re going to get sick, hell you make me feel ill just by looking at you.” She chuckled.   
“Ouch! That hurts babe!” Negan said putting a hand to his chest.   
“Well, it’s the truth. You need rest, just like everyone else. You aren’t superman.” Lynna told him before rolling off him.   
“I know, I just need to get security up and I’ll sleep better. Promise. Maybe you should stay in bed. You look like shit.” He chuckled, leaning over and kissing her cheek.   
“Maybe I will. I feel like shit. Probably that bug that’s been going around. I’ll fucking kill Dwight if he gave it to me.” She groaned pulling the blankets around her.   
“Aw, poor Lynna’s sick. I’ll make someone bring you some soup.” Negan said getting up.   
“Oh fuck off. I don’t want your pity soup. Get out of here and do your job.” She said sticking her tongue out at him. He threw on his jacket and left. Lynna rolled over and fell back asleep.   
She woke up a few hours later, the sun streaming in through the window and hitting her face. She fought herself to get up, wanting to just sleep the rest of the day. She got up, her feet hit the floor and her stomach turned. She ran for the bathroom and promptly vomited into the toilet. She flushed and sat back groaning.   
“I’m killing Dwight.” She growled. She spent most of her morning sitting on the bathroom floor, willing herself to stop being sick. When it seemed to have stopped for the moment she got up and threw on whatever clothes she could find. She walked the halls towards the infirmary, running into Dwight on the way.   
“Lynna? You alright?” He asked, stopping her in the hall.   
“No, you ass hat! You got me sick!” She said glaring at him.   
“Oh man, I’m sorry. It was only a couple of days. You’ll probably fair better than me.” He said patting her shoulder, which Lynna shook off. She walked into the Infirmary and the look on Carson’s face was exhaustion.   
“Lynna. I thought you weren’t going on runs for a while.” He sounded exacerbated.   
“I’m not. Dwight gave me that fucking bug. I was just wondering if you had anything for it.” She said sitting on the table.   
“Let me give you a quick exam, make sure it isn’t something else.” He said putting his hands under her jaw and feeling. He ran his exam and wrote some things down on a chart.   
“My file must be huge compared to the rest.” Lynna chuckled, Carson gave her a small laugh. The most expression she’d seen from the man.   
“It’s pretty hefty to say the least. What were the symptoms you’d had?” He asked his eyes staying on the chart.   
“Um...vomit. Lots of it. I’ve been absolutely exhausted and zero appetite. Can’t think of anything else.” She said.   
“M’kay. Well, I just want to run a few tests make sure everything is fine.” Carson said grabbing a cup from the shelf and handing it to Lynna, pointing towards the bathroom.   
“It’s just a stomach bug. Why do you want to run tests?” She asked grabbing the cup.   
“The people who had the bug, they had fever and sweating and swollen glands on top of the other symptoms. Your temp is perfect, your glands are fine and no sweating. I just want to be on the safe side.” He told her. Lynna rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom.   
This certainly wasn’t how she pictured her day going. She just wanted something to stop the heaving. She handed Carson the cup and sat down.   
“For the record, I think it’s just a stomach bug. You owe me a beer if I’m right.” She told him as he went to the backroom.   
Lynna wasn’t the kind of person to be uncomfortable in the doctor’s office. If anything went wrong, she was in the right place. Something about the potential for bad health or her life changing, caused her to be calm instead of panic.   
Carson came back out with a smile on his face. Lynna made a mental note, that it creeped her out and to avoid joking with Carson.   
“Good news it isn’t anything serious.” He told her.   
“Just a stomach bug then. You owe me meds and a beer.” Lynna said looking confident.   
“Well, yes and no. I owe you half a beer, but you couldn’t drink anyway. You’re pregnant.” He told her handing her the stick.   
“Ran it a couple of times. All came back positive. Just a spot of morning sickness. Congratulations.” He told her. Lynna stared at the stick in her hands, brow furrowed. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel in that moment.   
“Uh...thanks doc. See ya.” She said before quickly leaving and rushing back to the room. She closed the door and went to sit on the couch. Her head was spinning. She was having every thought all at once and couldn’t organize them coherently. Was this something she wanted? She lost one before, she could lose this one too.   
She hadn’t realized how long she’d been sitting there until Negan walked in and turned the lights on.   
“Holy shit! Geez Lynna! You scared the shit out of me!” He said falling against the door, clutching his chest.   
“Why the hell were you sitting in the dark? Lynna?” He asked moving towards her. Lynna was trying to find the words, but kept falling short.   
“Hey? You alright? You’re white as a ghost.” He said sitting next to her and putting a hand on the back of her neck. Lynna snapped out of it and looked up at him.   
“I...I’m…” She mumbled unable to get the words out. They were stuck in her throat. She couldn’t bring herself to say it.   
“Lynna, you’re starting to freak me the fuck out here.” He said looking at her with concern.   
“I know, I’m sorry. I’m just...I don’t know. I...I don’t feel good…” She said running to the bathroom and emptying her stomach into the toilet.   
“Shit!” Negan said running behind her. He pulled the hair from her face. He rubbed her back trying his best to be comforting. Lynna flushed the toilet and fell back against the tile wall.   
“I’m going to get Carson to give you something.” Negan said handing her water and her toothbrush. She grabbed his pant leg to stop him from leaving.   
“No...no. I saw Carson earlier.” She sighed as she brushed her teeth. Once she got the acidic taste from her mouth she went and sat on the edge of the bed.   
“Negan...I’m pregnant.” She said handing him the test from her pocket. She wasn’t sure what his reaction was going to be. She hadn’t really thought about it. He stood silent, staring at the test in his hands. He held it with both hands like it was some kind of precious, heavy thing.   
“Negan? Negan, I’m going to need you to say something here.” Lynna said wringing her hands.   
“Oh shit. I’m sorry Darlin’. Not a great time for me to be quiet for once.” He said with a soft chuckle.  
“Usually I can’t get you to shut up, now when I need you to open that big mouth, you’re keeping it shut.” She smiled. Negan sat next to her on the bed, putting a hand on her thigh.   
“I don’t want my thoughts to influence your decision.” He told her. She grabbed his hand, holding it tight.  
“Thank you, but I kind of can’t figure out how I feel right now and I just need to hear what you think.” She told him. Negan nodded and kissed her cheek.   
“I know this is a lot. I know it’s a lot even if we weren’t living in the end of the world. I want you to do what you need to. Honestly, having a baby with you sounds like the best fucking thing in the world. But if it isn’t the time, if you aren’t ready, I get it. I’m sure Carson can help. Whatever you choose, I’ll be right next you the whole time.” He told her. Lynna hadn’t realized she was about to cry until the tears fell down her face.   
“I don’t want to get your hopes up and then I lose another baby.” She said, her voice cracking. Negan wrapped her in his arms.   
“Darlin’, You couldn’t have done anything to stop that. Just because we lost our first, doesn’t mean we’ll lose this one. You have the choice this time. You’re in control. Don’t worry about me. This is about you.” He told her kissing the top of her head. Lynna clung onto him tightly and let herself cry for a minute.   
“I don’t want to lose this baby, but I’m so scared Negan. I’m terrified.” She said.   
“I know Darlin’. Me too. But I will protect you and this baby until my last breath. I got you, I always do.” He told her. She pulled away from his chest and put her hands on his face and pulled him into a kiss.   
“I love you. I trust you.” She told him. Negan rested his forehead against hers.   
“Dido, Darlin’. I love you, no matter what happens.” He told her.   
“Even if I name our kid something like Garfunkel?” She smiled.   
“Even then. Maybe a little less, but I’ll still love you.” He chuckled.   
“I won’t do that. But it’s good to know where your limits are.” She laughed. He pulled her into a kiss.   
“I don’t mean to push...but does this mean...we’re having a baby?” He asked. Lynna climbed onto his lap and wrapped her hands behind his neck.   
“This means we’re having a baby.” She smiled. Negan pulled her into another kiss.   
“I’m going to be a father! That’s the fucking best thing I’ve ever heard.” He laughed.   
“Okay, but don’t go telling everyone yet. We’re supposed to wait. I think that it’s a good idea. We don’t know what’s going to happen.” She told him.   
“Darlin’, nothing will happen this time. I promise. We’re going to be one big, happy, family. We’ll do all the shit that families are supposed to do. Like picnics and shit.” He told her. Their moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.   
“It’s fucking open!” Negan yelled, unable to take his eyes off of Lynna.   
“Hey boss, just wanted to run one of the new protocols by you before dinner.” Simon said, his hands full of papers.   
“That shit can wait.” Negan waved him off.   
“Really? You’ve been freaking out about getting it done ASAP.” Simon said confused. Negan lifted Lynna off his lap and put her on the bed.   
“You and I both need to sleep. But you are really going to need to sleep. You’re going to be picking up some slack for me.” Negan said moving towards him.   
“Who died? Who’s going to die?” He asked looking tired already.   
“They opposite in fact.” Negan slapped his shoulder.   
“Negan! We just talked about this!” Lynna said getting up and going towards him.   
“Yeah, but it’s Simon. He deserves to know why he’s getting extra work.” He told her. Lynna rolled her eyes and gave a reluctant nod.   
“Lynna is pregnant.” Negan said looking very proud of himself. Simon’s face went from dread to excited in a split second.   
“No shit! That’s great!” He said slapping Negan on the back and pulling Lynna into a hug.   
“Thanks. But not a fucking word to anyone. If anyone asks, she got hurt again or some shit.” Negan told him.   
“Absolutely boss. Sure hope they get Snow’s demeanor.” Simon chuckled.   
“I don’t know who’s worse, but I think I at least have better control.” She smiled wrapping her arms around Negan’s waist.   
“On that fucking note. Get the fuck out. I’m celebrating with my baby mama.” Negan said as Simon left. Negan picked her up off the floor and took her to the bed.   
“You know I’m still working right? I won’t do runs, but I’m not going to stay in here all day.” She told him, playing with his scruff.   
“Yeah, we’ll see.” He smiled.   
“You know this isn’t going to be easy. This will be the hardest thing either of us has ever done. And I might turn into an absolute nightmare.” She told him. He pulled her close to him.   
“I think it’s the hardest thing, no matter what. But we can handle it. Together, we can handle anything. We got this. You have full permission to turn into an absolute raging bitch if you want to. I can handle it.” He smiled as she smacked his chest.   
“We got this. We can do it together.” She sighed. Negan kissed her cheek and placed his hand on her lower belly. The gesture sent butterflies through Lynna’s tummy. She rested her hand over his.   
“I fucking love you. I really fucking love you.” He told her.   
“I really fucking love you too. You’re going to have to work on that language of yours.” She chuckled.   
“You gotta work on your fucking language too, Darlin’.” He laughed pulling her into a kiss.


	20. Ch 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff

Negan was asleep, sprawled out on the bed. He stretched out, feeling an empty spot where Lynna’s warm body was supposed to be. He looked up, groggy, to find her gone from their bed. He looked at the clock, they still three more hours of sleep before they had to get up. He was going to ignore it and just go back to sleep when he heard muffled sniffles from the bathroom. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and got up. He opened the door to the bathroom and saw Lynna hunched over the toilet.   
“Shit, Darlin’. Should have woke me up.” He said grabbing a washcloth and drenching it with cold water, putting it on the back of her neck. He sat on the floor next to her.   
“I’m fine. I can handle it.” Lynna grumbled, flushing the toilet and sitting up. Negan chuckled shaking his head.   
“I know you can. You don’t have to suffer in silence. And I don’t appreciate being left alone and cold in my damn bed.” He teased pulling her to his chest. Lynna didn’t fight it. She liked the skin on skin contact. Negan was still just in his boxers and Lynna in her shorts and tank top.   
“Carson has to have something to help with this. This is the fifth time this week, it can’t be healthy.” Negan sighed running his fingers through her hair.   
“Don’t bother him. He has enough shit to deal with. It’s morning sickness, normal stuff.” Lynna said, her eyes drooping as she laid against him.   
“It doesn’t seem right. You hardly eat, I thought it was supposed to be the opposite.” He chuckled. Lynna shoved him, but didn’t move.   
“It’ll pass eventually.” She said.   
“Yeah, it better. Let’s get you to bed.” He said about to pick her up before she stopped him, quickly leaning back over the toilet. Negan grabbed her hair out of the way.   
“I’m sorry you gotta go through this shit, Darlin’.” He said rubbing her back. She finished up and cleaned herself up. Negan put her back to bed.   
“Go back to sleep. You can work when you wake up. I’m getting Carson to get you something. You’ll be skin and bones soon.” He told her kissing her cheek.   
“You’re such a softy.” Lynna teased.   
“Just for you.” He smiled and went to get dressed.   
Negan sat in the conference room, people telling him about new security measures and future run plans. He couldn’t seem to concentrate.   
“I think we can build the tunnel in about four months if we work real hard.” One of the men said. Everyone turning to look at Negan, who was staring off into space. Simon coughed and nudged him.   
“Oh. Fuck. Yeah, that sounds fine. Get to it.” He said, the room got up and started to leave. Simon sat watching Negan.   
“You’re a bit distracted today boss.” He stated.   
“No. I mean, yeah. Fuck, I don’t mean to be. Lynna can’t stop fucking throwing up her guts. Every morning, and afternoon and evening. She doesn’t stop!” HE sighed sinking into his chair.   
“But...I thought that’s what happens? Like they get sick as a dog for a while and then everything goes back to normal.” Simon said.  
“This doesn’t seem normal. She’s supposed to be gaining weight, not losing it.” Negan said.   
“What has Carson said?” Simon asked as he fiddled with his hook.  
“Don’t know. She’s a fucking stubborn pain in the ass and doesn’t want to bother him unless it’s necessary. You know what, fuck it. Sometimes you gotta protect her from herself.” Negan said getting up and stomping out of the room toward Carson. He swung the door open to the infirmary and made Carson jump.  
“Listen doc, I know that she’s supposed to be like sick for a while and stuff. But I think something’s wrong. She doesn’t stop, she can’t and won’t eat. You gotta have something for her.” Negan said. Carson sighed and went over to his bookshelf.   
“I’m not sure there is much I can do, but put her on an IV drip, which she won’t like. But let me read through some stuff. I’ll get back to you in an hour.” Carson told him. Negan nodded and left.   
“Kid’s already giving us hell. Doesn’t even have a fucking brain yet!” Negan said throwing his hands up. Simon chuckled and patted him on the back.   
“I’ll run things today. You go take of your lady.” Simon told him. Negan nodded and went back to his room.   
He opened the door, trying to be quiet, in case she was asleep. He saw her curled up in bed reading a book.   
“Slacking off today, are we? What happened to not stopping work?” He smiled. Lynna looked up and rolled her eyes.   
“I’m sure everyone would rather I was here. I don’t think people would take to kindly to being vomited on.” She said turning the page. Negan crawled into bed next to her.   
“Don’t be mad, but I went to talk to Carson.” He told her. She sat up and hit him in the arm with her book.   
“I told you I was fine! He has a shit ton on his plate and you just made it worse!” She growled.   
“Hey! You are not fine! You haven’t had a proper meal in days. You have to put your pride aside now! We have a baby to think about! It’s not just you!” He yelled. She sat back stunned. He was right. She was bing prideful and stupid.   
“I...I’m sorry. You’re right, I didn’t think of it like that.” She said sitting back on the pillows.   
“This is all new for us, we just need to get used to the idea of thinking about someone else.” He told her.   
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll do better.” She told him with a small smile.   
“That’s my girl. Also...you might need to be hooked up to an IV.” He said waiting for the attack.   
“An IV!? Aw come on!” She slumped down in the bed. Negan couldn’t help but laugh.   
“I’m sorry Darlin’. Carson’s trying to figure out something else for you. But It looks pretty good that it’s going to be an IV.” He told her.   
“Awesome. Can we at least put it on wheels so I can work?” She asked. Negan laughed and kissed her.   
“Anything you want Darlin’. Oh shit! Look at that!” He yelled, making Lynna jump. He pointed to her belly.   
“What?” She asked looking down, fearing an insect was on her.   
“You got a bump.” He smiled putting his hands on her belly.   
“Really? I hadn’t noticed anything.” She said picking up his hand to look at her belly.   
“That is definitely a bump.” He laughed putting his hands on her belly again. Lynna smiled, putting a hand over his and running her other through his hair.   
“You worry too much, you know? Simon came by the other day, told me you were barely paying attention in meetings. You don’t need to worry so much.” She told him. He looked up at her.   
“Darlin’, I worry about you. Can’t help it. I’ll try, but I’m going to always worry a little. Especially now.” He said kissing her belly.   
“I just want you to know, that I can handle it.” She told him. He nodded and put his head in her lap. They laid there for a long moment, just enjoying each other. There was a knock on the door, bringing the moment to an end. Negan groaned sitting up. He bellowed for them to enter but didn’t get up to greet Carson as he walked in with Arat.  
“So, I did some research and all it came up with was an IV until your body can adjust.”Carson said as Arat brought over the IV stand.   
“How long do you think?” Lynna sighed.   
“Should only be a couple days. Week at most. Your body is just having a hard time adapting. It’ll figure itself out.” He told her as he cleaned her skin. Arat was watching him like a hawk as he put the needle into her hand.   
“Thanks I guess.” Lynna said.   
“Of course. We finally got that ultrasound machine Simon found working. We’ll be able to do a scan next week.” Carson told them.   
“That’s great doc. Tell Simon to give the electrician some extra points for working on it.” Negan told him.   
“Will do. Just so you know, Arat is going to be shadowing me while I work with you. I’ll need an extra pair of hands for the birth, I figured you’d like it to be female.” Carson told them.   
“If you want someone else, won’t hurt my feelings.”Arat shrugged.   
“No, Arat’s perfect. Thank you.” Lynna smiled up at her. Arat gave a rarely seen smile back.   
“I’ll leave you some extra bags, it’ll feel nicer if you warm them up a bit first.” Carson told them. He showed Arat and Negan how to put on a new IV bag before the two of them took their leave.   
“I’m not thrilled that Carson is going to know you pretty intimately after this, but at least he wasn’t stupid and picked Arat. She’s always had a thing for medicine anyway.” Negan said poking the IV bag.   
“I trust her.” Lynna nodded, smoothing the tape on her hand.  
“You good here babe? I need to help Simon with the new Saviours. They can’t shoot for shit.” Negan said.   
“Yeah, go save Simon from friendly fire.” She smiled. He leaned down to kiss her and left.   
Negan stood watching the three new recruits trying to shoot the targets in front of them. They were barely hitting it.   
“Okay, stop! Stop! What the fuck is that!? Don’t blink. You blink, you can’t see your target. Look where you’re pointing.” Simon sighed, running his hand over his face as he went to readjust them.   
“Hold your breath if you really can’t hit the target.” Negan said. They started firing again, getting more into the target, but still not good enough. They had been there for hours and they weren’t making great progress. Simon was going to rip what little hair he had out.   
“Okay that’s enough for today. Maybe some sleep will magically make you less shitty.” Negan said walking away. They weren’t great shots, but they were enthusiastic and that counted for something. Negan hated training people how to shoot though. It felt so simple.   
He opened the door to the room and walked in. Lynna wasn’t in her bed or on the couch. She must have gone out for some reason, can’t sit still, he thought. He threw his jacket on a chair, noticing the bathroom light on. He walked over to turn it off and found Lynna on the floor.   
“Shit! Lynna! Darlin’!” He yelled kneeling down next to her. She jumped up, her heart racing.   
“Fuck! You scared me!” She yelled sitting up.   
“What!? You scared me!!” He yelled looking at her confused.   
“Sorry.” She said taking a deep breath.   
“Why the fucking hell are you laying on the damn bathroom floor!?” He asked.   
“I...I got hot. I was really hot, and the tile was cold on my feet and so I just laid down, I guess I fell asleep.” She shrugged. Negan sat back trying to catch his breath.   
“Okay, so is this a thing now? You’re going to lay on the bathroom floor? Because I gotta know so I can avoid a heart attack next time.” He said.   
“Oh, I’m sorry baby. I really am. I didn’t mean to freak you out.” Lynna said crawling over and kissing him.   
“You’re going to kill me woman!” He told her. She couldn’t help but laugh.


	21. Ch 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan learns to navigate hormones.

Negan and Lynna were in bed, as close as they could be, asleep. They were woken by knocking on the door. They both groaned and rolled over.   
“The fuck? What!?” Negan bellowed. Simon popped his head apprehensively.   
“Sorry boss, I know it’s early. We caught that grab and go from last night. He’s waiting downstairs.” Simon said.   
“Fine. Be there in a minute.” Negan grumbled as Simon closed the door. Negan rolled closer to Lynna pulling her in close.   
“We need to get up. Stop making it so hard.” Lynna chuckled.   
“You don’t have to. I can iron a face by myself. I’m a big boy, been doing it awhile.” He said nipping her ear.   
“Oh no. Don’t you start that. We’ll never leave if you start that. Besides, I need to make sure people still fear me.” She said sitting up.   
“Oh that is not a problem, babe. Yeah, they still fear you. They might fear you more now, actually.” He chuckled moving to kiss her shoulder.   
“Good! I’m terrifying. I’m terrifying and hormonal. They should be scared, you should be scared.” She said standing up and turning to look down at him.   
“Me? Scared? Of you? Absolutely. From day one.” He laughed.   
“Put your damn pants on. We have punishment to dole out.” She said going to the dresser. Since it was the end of the world, maternity clothes weren’t exactly easy to come by. Lynna thought it was odd, seeing as most people wouldn’t get knocked up during an apocalypse. Since her belly had started to pop, so to speak, she had started to take Negan’s shirts. He was slowly running low on clothes now.   
They got dressed and headed down to the factory floor. They stood above everyone, a man sat in a chair crying. He knew his fate. Negan started his regular speech as they walked down to the floor. Everyone looked up at them from their kneeled position, with fear in their eyes.   
“Follow the rules and we’ll be fan-fucking-tastic. Break them...well, it’s the iron for you.” Negan smiled. Everyone had expected Negan to take back the iron from Lynna, but she was damned if she let that happen. She walked over and put the glove on, grabbing the iron from Dwight.  
“Let this be a lesson for the newcomers. Pain is all that awaits you if you break the rules.” She growled before slamming the iron on the man’s face. He screamed and writhed under the hot metal. There was something particularly disturbing and frightening watching a pregnant woman torture someone. Lynna pulled the iron from the man’s face, skin pulling away from him, and handed it back to Dwight. Negan wrapped an arm around Lynna’s waist as they walked away.  
“That was so fucking badass. My pants are so fucking tight right now.” He whispered in her ear as they walked back to the room.   
“I know, you say that every time, you kinky bastard.” She laughed. They got to their bedroom and was met by one of the new Saviors waiting outside.  
“I..uh..brought up breakfast.” He cleared his throat, clearly intimidated. Negan had started to get slightly paranoid once it was obvious that Lynna was pregnant. He didn’t want her eating in the cafeteria where there was too much that could happen. Lynna didn’t fight him too hard on it. She didn’t like eating in front of people anyway.   
“Well, go put it on the table. Or is that too complicated?” Negan barked. The man shook his head and went into the room and set up the table. He kept his eyes on the floor as he left.   
“I’m starved.” Lynna said going to sit at the table and started eating.   
“When aren’t you starving?” Negan laughed. She poked him with her fork as he sat next to her.   
“Haven’t you ever heard that you don’t make fun of pregnant ladies and food. That’s dangerous right there.” She told him as she kept eating.   
“I think it’s cute.” He kissed her cheek. She shoved him in the ribs laughing.   
“They’re almost finished with tunnel. Simon’s inspecting it today, thought I might go with him.” Negan said finishing up his breakfast.   
“Why? Don’t trust Simon with it?” Lynna asked pushing her plate away.   
“No, I trust him. Just thought it might lite a fire under their asses a bit more if I showed up.” He told her.   
“I suppose you could do that. I mean I had another idea, but if you want to crawl around a tunnel that’s fine.” She shrugged with a wicked smile. Negan pulled her chair closer to him.   
“What exactly did you have in mind?” He asked, his eyes had hunger in them. Lynna wrapped her hands around his neck as she moved to sit in his lap.   
“I thought we could just stay in bed all day. Really test that mattress out.” She leaned down to kiss his neck.   
“Yeah, I think Simon can handle it. I don’t need to be there.” Negan said clearing his throat. Lynna laughed against his skin, causing him to let out a moan. His hands traveled down to her ass.   
“You sure you want this babe? I mean you’re up for it?” He asked her.   
“Negan, I think I’ve made it obvious that I do. Don’t you?” She asked standing up.   
“I do! I...yeah, absolutely I fucking want to!” He said getting up.   
“You’re just making it seem like you’re looking for an out. If you don’t want to fuck me just tell me.” She crossed her arms.   
“Whoa! No. I want to fuck you, I always want to fuck you and especially after that ironing! I want to fuck you.” He told her.   
“So then what gives? Why are you being so damn weird about it?” She asked.   
“I...I just don’t want to hurt anything. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, I don’t want to hurt the baby.” He sighed. Lynna walked over and pulled him into a kiss.   
“That’s sweet, I guess. You won’t hurt me or the baby. But we don’t have to.” She told him.   
“I get nervous. I can’t always control myself in the heat of the moment.” He said running his hands through her hair.   
“You don’t need to worry so much, I keep telling you.” She smiled.   
“I try. But it’s hard sometimes.” He said.   
“You just like saying the word hard.” She laughed.   
“Well, I am hard in general.” He smiled.   
“In that case, let me take care of my man.” She whispered against his neck. Negan wrapped an arm around her waist as her hand slipped into his pants.   
Lynna and Negan laid sprawled out on the bed, panting. This had become a familiar position for them since Lynna got pregnant. Her hormones causing her to get hot and bothered on a more regular basis. Negan didn’t mind.   
“When you say, take care of your man, you mean it. Shit...Darlin’.” Negan huffed. Lynna rolled over, chuckling as she threw her arms around him.   
“I take it very seriously. I’m very good at it.” She kissed him.   
“You’re the fucking best. You need some water? That was one hell of a work out.” He laughed.   
“No, in a bit. But I’m perfect right now.” She said laying her head on his chest.   
“That’s right you are. I’m pretty good too. Baby okay?” He asked.   
“Fine. Don’t think they liked bouncing around, moving all around in there.” She chuckled.   
“Let’s see. Maybe I can feel this time.” Negan put his hand on her belly. For the past couple of weeks, Lynna had been able to feel the baby’s movement, but it wasn’t strong enough for anyone else yet. Negan was frustrated he couldn’t be apart of it yet. Lynna moved his hand down her belly a little. They were silent, as if being quieter would make it easier to feel, until Negan felt a nudge against his hand.   
“Oh shit! There it is! I fucking felt that!” He said nearly jumping up and down.   
“You’re not going to stop bothering me now, huh?” Lynna laughed.   
“Hell no! That’s crazy! That’s...our baby is in there.” He sighed looking at her in disbelief.   
“Yeah, that’s kind of how it works. Where did you think it was.” She smiled.   
“I knew it was there, I just don’t think it felt real. It’s fucking real though.” He said sliding down to put both his hands on her belly.   
“You can be really sweet sometimes.” She said running her fingers through his hair. He smiled up at her and kissed her belly.   
“I hate to ruin this cavity inducing moment, but I have got to pee. Not to mention, I should get to work. Arat has her hands full with getting the new group ready to go to the northern outpost.” Lynna said.   
“I left Simon hanging, you can leave Arat hanging.” He told her.   
“I could, but the last time we left Arat training by herself, two people had broken noses. I think Carson at the very least, would appreciate me helping her. There is also the needing to pee thing too.” She chuckled. Negan whined as he rolled off.   
“You used me. You used me for sex and now I’m being tossed aside.” He feigned being hurt.   
“I totally did babe. Now, I gotta go to work. Money’s on the dresser, buy yourself something nice.” She gave a wink and walked into the bathroom.   
Lynna sat at the end of the table watching Arat go over evacuation procedures with the group heading to the northern outpost.   
“Do not forget your walkie. If you forget it, we can’t find you and you die. It’s simple. Don’t fuck it up.” Arat growled. They had been going over every procedure, every safety precaution the group needed for hours. Everyone was worried about going to the northern outpost since the Alexandrians had destroyed the place. It had taken months to clean and fortify.   
“Arat, I think they got it. We can stop for today. Get some rest, we’ll be back tomorrow. This shit is important. Don’t let any of it slip, could be your life on the line.” Lynna said as they all stood and walked out. Lynna stood up, stretching and groaning.   
“Shit, I have got to stop sitting in the fucking chair for so long.” She sighed.   
“We should get you a better chair. Lumbar pain is only going to get worse.” Arat shrugged.   
“Well, thank you for the good news tinkerbelle.” Lynna scoffed.   
“Hey, you like me because I don’t sugar coat shit. It’s your fault I know that anyway. I think I’ve read every obstetrics book known to man, thanks to Carson.” Arat grumbled.   
“You accepted the job. Could have said no. You’re just too curious for your own good.” Lynna laughed. Arat nodded and patted her back as she left her at her room. Lynna opened the door and was stunned.   
“Shit! I thought you’d be longer.” Negan yelled sitting up in bed, Carson and Simon stood by his bed, clearly sewing something.   
“What the hell!? You were supposed to be walking in a damn tunnel!” Lynna said rushing towards them.   
“I was. Some dumb fuck left a nail lying around. I tripped and it went straight through.” Negan sighed.   
“Like butter.” Simon chuckled. Lynna smacked his chest.   
“It’s not bad. It’ll take some time to heal, but nothing to worry about. Luckily the nail wasn’t rusted or we’d be in a whole different situation.” Carson said finishing up his stitches.   
“Can we go one day without someone getting hurt? Just one.” Lynna sighed.   
“We’ll let you two spat. Let’s get the fuck outta here doc.” Simon laughed as he took Carson and left.   
“You’re not mad, are you?” Negan looked up at her.   
“I don’t know! I want to be!” She threw her hands in the air.   
“But...this isn’t even my fault! I tripped!” Negan said sitting on the edge of the bed.   
“I just...it seems careless. I don’t want to be a single mother. So you have to be more careful.” She said crossing her arms. Negan grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him.   
“I work on being more careful. But this still wasn’t my fault. So you don’t get to be mad.” He smiled. Lynna’s head snapped to look at him.   
“Oh I don’t get to be mad? I don’t get to be mad!? Thank you so much for telling me how I should feel, Negan!” She yelled and stomped away from him. Negan sat with his arms in the air, confused.   
“I...Darlin’ that’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant.” He said moving towards her.   
“Please, just stop. You’re making it worse.” She spat as she went to sit on the couch. Negan walked and stood in front of her.   
“I didn’t do anything, why the fuck are you biting my head off!? Did Arat do something? The last time I saw you, you were fucking happy as hell now I get this shit!?” He yelled.   
“No! Arat didn’t do shit! You can’t just tell me how to feel! That’s not how it works! You make me furious!” She said standing up and pushing his chest.   
“If I’m so bad, maybe you should just go!” He yelled. Lynna looked up at him, hurt written all over her face. It was as if he’d just slapped her. She fell back onto the couch, her hands covering her face as she tried to hide her tears.   
“Fuck...fuck...Darlin’, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He said sitting next to her and pulling her to his chest.   
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten so mad. It was dumb.” She cried. He rubbed her back and shushed her.   
“No, you had a point. I tend to be reckless. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. I lost my temper.” He sighed.   
“It’s happened. I’m turning into a crazy person who gets mad for no reason.” Lynna said.   
“You aren’t crazy. Well...maybe a little, but you were the minute I met you. The rest is just...hormones.” He shrugged. Lynna laughed against his chest.   
“Baby doesn’t like when we fight. They get antsy.” Lynna said, her hands rubbing circles on her belly. Negan put his hand on her belly and smiled.   
“Maybe we got a dancer on our hands.” He chuckled. Lynna laughed and leaned up to kiss him.   
“I’ll try to control my temper better. We should have a code word for if I’m getting mad for no reason. Like...salsa or something.” She said.   
“Salsa? Cause you’re so spicy when you’re mad? Okay. Salsa.” Negan nodded with a laugh.   
“But you can’t use it for every situation. I can mostly tell the difference.” She said.   
“I wouldn’t do that to you. I promise. Only in crazy times will I use Salsa.” He said putting a hand over his heart.   
“Good. Shit!” Lynna winced, her hand going to her back.   
“Babe?” Negan sat up.   
“I’m fine, they kicked my spine I think. My back was already sore.” Lynna said massaging her lower back.  
“Well, let me help you. I can at least help with this.” He said moving to sit behind her. His hands started kneading her muscles down her back.   
“Oh man...that’s great babe…” Lynna moaned. Negan laughed as he kept going. He got to her lower back her moans and groans got louder and louder until she was shouting his name.   
“Negan!!” She yelled collapsing into his arms. He looked down at her befuddled and amused.   
“Did you….are my hands really that good?” He chuckled. Lynna’s face went red as she sat up trying to compose herself.   
“I...I wasn’t expecting that. Sorry.” She cleared her throat.   
“Oh no. Uh uh, you never apologize for an orgasm. Especially one I gave you.” He said pulling her into a kiss.   
“I didn’t realize how sensitive my back was.” She laughed.   
“I think I like this whole pregnancy thing. I mean besides the violent outbursts, it’s been fun. We should just keep having kids.” He smiled.   
“Oh hell no! This one has been hell enough for me thanks. Unless you want to carry the next ones, this is it!” She laughed.   
“Yeah, you say that now.” He said kissing her. He picked her up and took her to bed.   
“I’ll keep saying it. I have to give birth to the kid too you know? That isn’t going to be a picnic, especially if they got your head.” She laughed. Negan climbed in next to and nipped her neck.   
“My head isn’t that big. Just my ego.” He said. Lynna wrapped herself around him, laying her head on his chest. They always seemed to fall asleep on each other, the only way they could now.   
The alarm was blaring as Lynna rolled over and smashed the off button. She stretched and sat up. She looked over at Negan, still asleep.   
“Hey, you have to get up too.” She said shoving him as she got up and got dressed. Negan was still in bed when she finished brushing her teeth.   
“Get up! We have to go see Carson today. Get see if it’s a boy or girl.” She teased. Negan groaned and got up.   
“Fucking lucky I love you two. I’d rather be fast asleep right now.” He grumbled getting ready. Lynna laughed as she watched him struggle with his pants.   
“Thought you’d be more excited.” She said.   
“I am excited. I can’t fucking wait to see them, but why does Carson have to only be free in the mornings?” He whined.   
“Weird, I thought the baby was born yet. But here stands a giant baby in front of me.” Lynna laughed.   
“I hate that you’re a morning person.” He mumbled as he brushed his teeth. They walked into the infirmary and saw Carson was all set up and ready. Arat stood by as he explained how it worked to her.   
“You better be ready for us doc. I might punch you if you aren’t.” Negan grumbled.   
“Good morning. We’re just waiting on you two. Hop up and we’ll get started.” He said patting the bed. Lynna crawled up and laid back, rolling her shirt up to expose her belly. Negan sat down next to her and yawned.   
“Alright, cold as usual. Sorry about that.” Carson said putting some gel on Lynna’s belly causing her to gasp. He rubbed the wand around on her belly for a minute.   
“Okay measurements look good. Arat, hit that blue button.” Carson told her. Arat looked at the keyboard and pressed a button. The room was suddenly filled with a pounding noise.   
“The hell is that?” Arat asked.   
“The heartbeat.” Carson told her. Lynna’s heart always skipped a beat when she heard it. Negan’s hand grabbed her’s. He always tried to be cool about it, but she always saw the tears welling up in his eyes.   
“Did we want to know the gender?” Carson asked. Lynna looked over at Negan.   
“You’re call big guy.” She said smiling.   
“Hell yeah! Let’s find out! I hate waiting.” He said. Carson moved the wand around for a minute and stopped.   
“Looks like we have a little girl.” He said. Lynna tried to hide her tears, but it didn’t work.   
“Shit...A girl. We’re having….a girl.” Negan said, his voice cracking.   
“Yeah...wow.” Lynna said through her tears.   
“And she’s alright? Nothing wrong?” Negan asked.   
“By everything I see, she’s perfectly healthy. So is Lynna.” He told them.   
“Shit...too early for this shit…” Negan said bowing his head and wiping the tears from his face.   
“You big softy.” She said cupping his face with her hands and wiping a tear from his cheek.   
“You two say a fucking word about this and it’s the iron for both of you.” Negan threatened, making Lynna laugh.   
“Course boss. Wouldn’t dream of it. Congrats though.” Arat smiled. Carson gave Lynna tissues to clean up with and left them alone.   
“You’re happy right? Like you aren’t disappointed?” Lynna asked wiping goo from her skin.   
“Disappointed? Why the fuck would I be disappointed? This is the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard!” Negan said leaning down to kiss her.   
“Good. It is the best fucking thing I’ve ever heard too. Worth getting up early?” She asked.   
“Fuck yeah it was.” Negan smiled.


	22. Ch 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An arrival.

The closer to Lynna’s due date they got, the more paranoid Negan was. He was worried for Lynna, he was worried for the baby. He was worried something would pull him away and he’d miss everything. The whole Sanctuary was under strict orders not to disturb them unless absolutely necessary.   
Lynna was handling it well. She thought it was mostly cute how worried Negan was. Except the times he tried to follow her to the bathroom of course. She did her best to calm his nerves, but there wasn’t much she could do. Carson and Arat had been preparing for weeks. Their bedroom look more like a hospital room then a bedroom. Everything was ready. They had everything they needed, now they just need the baby.   
Lynna was resting in the bath, trying to get her muscles to relax for a minute when Negan walked in. He came into the bathroom and sat next to the tub on the floor.   
“Oh please come in. I didn’t want privacy.” Lynna snorted splashing him with water.   
“Hey! I just wanted to show you something Simon found on the run.” Negan smiled holding up a onesie that had the words, My uncle is better than your uncle, written on it. She laughed. It was cute.   
“That is adorable and very true.” Lynna chuckled as she sunk deeper into the warm water. The top of her belly stuck out of water. Negan brought his hands to rest on the top of her belly.   
“Any day now and the whole world is different.” He sighed. Lynna rester her hands over his.   
“Any day. Like...maybe today.” She smiled. Negan looked up at her confused.   
“Lynna? Are you…?” He couldn’t finish his question as his throat started to tighten.   
“Yeah, I think so. Been having contractions for a couple of hours regularly. Seems like a pretty good sign.” She said flicking bubbles at his face. He shook off the water and started getting in the tub with his clothes still on as he leaned down to kiss her.   
“Why didn’t you call me? You should have said something!” He said a huge smile on his face.   
“It takes hours and hours for anything to actually happen. I figured we had time and I didn’t want to worry you.” She told him pushing him out of the water.   
“I should tell Carson. He’ll need to know. Someone will need to get Arat. We got everything right? Did we forget something?” He said getting out of the tub in a bit of a panic.   
“Negan, take a breath. We’ve got everything. Arat is somewhere on base, she hasn’t been too far in months. Carson will just tell you the same thing I did. Hours and hours.” She said getting up from the water and grabbing her towel. Negan helped her out of the tub with a shaky hand.   
“I don’t want to mess this up.” He told her. Lynna wrapped her hands behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss, her hands running through his hair.   
“You aren’t going to mess anything up. It’s all going to be fine. Just trust me and relax.” She said as she dried off and put her comfy clothes on.   
“Relax. Yeah right.” Negan said to himself as he followed behind her.   
“Let’s watch a movie. It’ll take your mind off it.” She said pulling a dvd out and putting it in. Negan felt like he could run a marathon with the energy and panic running through his veins. But he went and sat on the couch next to Lynna instead.   
“Ah no! You are not making me watch this again!” He groaned as the title flashed for Batman and Robin. She giggled wildly, knowing he hated it so much.   
“It’s so bad! Anything else!” He pleaded.   
“It’s so bad it’s good! And I’m the one about to push your child through a very tiny hole. I get to pick the movies.” She said cuddling up to him. He couldn’t argue with her. She was right. The least he could do was suffer through one movie he hated.Lynna loved terrible movies, it was one trait of her’s that Negan was mildly annoyed by. As George Clooney said some cheesy line to Mr.Freeze, Lynna tensed up and sucked in a sharp breath.   
“You okay Darlin’? Should I get something? Water? Something?” He asked rubbing circles on her back, trying to be useful. Lynna shook her head and was silent for a moment, before sighing and smiling up at him.   
“I’m fine. Don’t worry so much. I’ll tell you if I need anything.” She kissed his cheek.   
Every so often Negan would feel Lynna tense up in his arms and relax half a minute after. Everytime she did, his heart stopped for a second. They were on their third movie when Lynna stood up with a groan.   
“I can’t sit down anymore.” She announced as she started to walk in circles around the room. Negan looked at her not entirely sure what to do.   
“Alright, I’m getting Carson. I at least want him nearby.” He told her. He got no argument back, making him realize that things might be getting more serious. He grabbed the walkie on the table.   
“Simon, I need you to get Carson and Arat. Send them to my room.” He said, trying to keep his voice strong and steady.   
“Oh shit! Baby time? I’ll have them up there in no time Boss. Good luck!” Simon yelled back. Negan walked next to Lynna as she paced.   
“They’ll be here in a minute. Do you need anything? Water?” He asked wringing his hands.   
“Nah, I’ll be okay in a second.” She said through gritted teeth before releasing a breath. She smiled up at him, seeing the worry clear on his face.   
“We got this Negan. We’ve handled a lot. We can handle this.” She said wrapping her arms around him.   
“I know Darlin’. I can’t help the worry though.” He sighed kissing the top of her head. There was a knock on the door that interrupted their nice moment alone. Negan yelled for them to enter. Carson and Arat came in looking a little on edge themselves.   
“Simon said you needed us. Everything okay?” Carson asked.   
“Okay? We’re having a fucking baby today Doc! It’s great!” Negan yelled. Carson and Arat brought in the rest of the supplies. Arat handed Lynna a hospital gown.   
“Really? I have to wear that?” Lynna scoffed.   
“It’ll help for the exams and stuff. Pretty comfortable.” Arat waved it in front of her. Lynna sighed and took it from her. Lynna started to get undressed, not caring who saw.   
“Whoa! Hey! Babe!” Negan yelled jumping front of her.   
“Really? They are literally here to stare at my vagina.” She sighed as she put the gown on. She had to admit it was comfortable. Negan turned around helping tie the back up. She smiled up at him, thanking him.   
“Alright Lynna, we’ll just do an exam and see how far we got.” Carson said snapping on rubber gloves.   
“Yeah...just a sec Doc…” Lynna croaked as she grabbed onto Negan’s arms letting out a groan. Negan kept a firm hold of her, though he could feel the sweat starting on his forehead. Everyone stood silent, waiting for Lynna’s contraction to pass.   
“Okay, let’s get this over with.” She sighed as her grip loosened. Negan helped her onto the bed, never letting go of her hand as Carson did his exam.   
“Well, it looks like we are well on our way. Seven centimeters already. The baby will be here in no time at all.” He said taking the gloves off. Lynna crawled off the bed as soon as he was done.   
“My hips are killing me.” She groaned as she started back on her track around the room.   
“Negan, put your hands on her hips, give some counter pressure it’ll help. Here,” Arat said putting Negan’s hands on Lynna’s hips and pushing them in.   
“That’s so much better. You’re pretty good at this Arat.” Lynna chuckled.   
“All I’ve been doing is reading about this shit for months. It finally comes to use.” She said sitting in a chair. Negan followed Lynna around, hands on her hips for what felt like hours.  
“You’re doing great babe.” Negan told her as she clung onto him moaning. When it finally let up she looked up at him and smiled, Negan felt his heart skip a beat.   
“Let’s check again.” Carson said. Negan helped Lynna back on the bed. Negan felt he had to have physical contact with her at all times, never letting go of her hand.   
“Eight, almost nine. Soon.” Carson told them as Lynna buried her face in the crook of Negan’s neck.   
“How much longer do you think, Doc?” Negan asked.   
“Can’t say exactly, but a few more hours. I suggest you two try and get some rest.” He told them and went back to look over the equipment.   
“Not a bad idea.” Lynna said as she got herself under the covers. Negan smiled and crawled in with her pulling her close.   
“We’ll be parents in a matter of hours,Negan.” She said breathless. He kissed her forehead.   
“I love you so much.” He told her as they drifted off to sleep. Negan couldn’t sleep very deeply at all. His mind was buzzing too much. He would wake up a little every time he felt Lynna stir. His dreams were filled with bizarre images he couldn’t make heads or tails of. He was dreaming about a baby in a clamshell when he was woken up by Lynna’s yelling.  
“Darlin’? Breathe babe, breathe. I’m right here, I got you.” He said grabbing her hand as she tried to breathe through a contraction, her grip was vice-like. Lynna couldn’t say anything for a minute, just trying to focus on breathing. Slowly her breathing slowed to normal.   
“This isn’t any fun anymore.” Lynna let out a pained chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. Negan gave a half-hearted laugh for her.   
“I think now’s a good time to see how far we are.” Carson said as he got ready. Lynna groaned as Carson did his exam.   
“Nine and a half. We’re nearly there. I’d say we’ll have a baby within the hour.” He said giving them a smile.   
“Hear that Darlin’? You’re almost done.” Negan smiled kissing her hand. Lynna gave a weak nod and pulled him close so she could bury her face in his chest. He held onto her tight. It broke his heart to see her in pain. It broke every time. She had been in pain far too much already. He knew it was different this time, but it didn’t make it any easier on him. She latched onto Negan moaning as another contraction swept through her.  
“I got you Darlin’. I’m here.” He whispered into her ear.   
“Carson! I gotta push. Need to!” Lynna yelled as she sat up, her face covered in sweat. Carson and Arat ran over with supplies.   
“You do what you need to. We’re here for you.” Arat told her. Negan felt his heart start to race in his chest. Everything was going so slowly and now it was going faster than he liked. He was brought back to earth when Lynna squeezed his hand and started screaming.   
“That’s great Lynna. Keep pushing like that and it’ll be over in no time.” Carson said from between her legs. She kept pushing and pushing, Negan could see how exhausted she was.   
“You’re doing amazing Darlin’. You take my breath away! I’m sorry they got my big head.” He whispered in her ear making her give a strained laugh.   
“They do have your big head!” She said pulling him close. She so desperately wanted it to be over.   
It had been an hour of pushing, and Lynna was delirious with exhaustion. It didn’t feel like she was making any progress.   
“I can’t! I can’t do it anymore!” She cried, her head falling on the pillow. Negan felt his heart skip.   
“No, Darlin’, you are doing so well. Babe you’re almost done.You have to do this, for the baby. We got this! You’ve got this, remember?” He told her giving her hand a squeeze.   
“Lynna we can see the head, but you have to keep going. Once the head’s out it’s a piece of cake from there.” Carson said. Lynna gave a weak nod and kept at it. Negan did his best to help support her.   
“That’s it! Almost there! And...the heads out!” Carson yelled as Lynna fell back against the pillow. Negan kissed her cheek.   
“You’re so close Darlin’. You’re so close. You’ve got this. I got you.” He told her. Lynna sat up and gave one final push. She fell onto the pillows out of breath and exhausted. She wanted to sleep for a year. A loud wail brought Lynna and Negan’s attention to the end of the bed.   
“Here’s your little girl.” Carson said wrapping her in a blanket and handing the crying baby to them.   
“Holy shit….” Negan said, his voice cracking as Lynna held his daughter in her arms.   
“Yeah...wow...she’s here.” Lynna said, unable to stop the tears from falling. Negan leaned down and kissed Lynna’s cheek.   
“Oh man...she’s fucking perfect…” He sobbed.   
“You’re not supposed to swear, but I think it’s okay this one time. She is fucking perfect.” Lynna laughed through her tears.   
“You are without a doubt the most amazing woman in the world.” He told her, kissing her, not wanting to stop.   
“I think we should name her Jamie.” Lynna said.   
“Jamie it is then. Hi Jamie. You are the most beautiful person ever.” Negan said trying not to cry on the baby as he bent down to kiss her forehead. The baby wiggled in Lynna’s arms. They were so enamored with Jamie they were paying no attention to the end of the bed. Lynna felt her vision starting to fade.   
“Arat...I feel a bit woozy…” She said.   
“Arat grab the baby, she’s going to pass out.” Negan looked down and saw Carson covered in blood.   
“What’s going on? What the fuck is happening Carson!?” Negan said, panic and rage in his voice. Arat took the baby from Lynna’s arms as she fell limp against the bed.   
“Darlin’? Lynna? Babe? No, you gotta wake up.” He said shaking her. Arat put the baby in the crib and ran over to help Carson.   
“Lynna! Lynna please!” Negan was desperate for her to wake up. He put his hand on the bed and felt the warmth of her blood had seeped through the bed.   
“Carson do something!” He screamed.   
“Arat you have to get him out of here.” Carson instructed.   
“What!? No! Arat! No!” He yelled as she went towards him, Lynna’s blood on her hands as she grabbed him and started pushing him towards the door.   
“No! Arat stop!” She threw him out of the room.   
“Just let us work boss. You aren’t going to help in there.” She told him. Negan fell against the wall. He was surprised when he saw Simon was next to him.   
“Is...is that her blood?” Simon asked looking at his shirt where Arat had left bloody handprints. Negan could only nod.   
“She was talking to me, she was fine. She named the baby and then there was blood everywhere. I can’t do this without her Simon. I can’t.” He said sliding to the floor. Simon stood in shock. It hadn’t occurred to him that Lynna wouldn’t make it. He pushed the thought away.   
“They have blood to give her. She’s a fighter, she’s been through hell and back. She’ll get through this.” Simon said sitting next to Negan.   
They sat trying to hear anything from inside the room, but couldn’t hear anything. Negan cursed his soundproofing. He had no idea if his world had just ended or began again. Everything seemed so perfect for a small moment. He wanted to live in that moment forever.   
An hour and a half had gone by when the door finally opened. Carson emerged, his clothes covered in blood.   
“What the hell happened? Is she alright?” Negan asked his heart beating out of his chest. Carson looked him in the eye, his face pale.   
“She started to hemorrhage. We tried to stop the bleeding, we tried to give her blood, but there wasn’t anything we could do.” Carson said shaking his head.   
“What? No. No…No!” Negan said his voice failing. Simon slammed his fist against the wall as he started to cry.   
“This isn’t funny. She told you to do this right? She said to do this. This isn’t fucking funny!” Negan screamed. His brain refusing to accept Carson’s words.   
“Stop it! This isn’t fucking funny!” He screamed grabbing Carson by the collar. Simon grabbed onto him, pulling him back against the wall.   
“Negan I’m so sorry. She’s gone. I don’t want to ask this question, but I have to. Before you see her, do you want us to take care of her, or do you want to do it yourself?” Carson asked clearing his throat. Negan couldn’t think. He couldn’t process.   
“I’ll do it. I promised a long time ago. I’ll do it.” Simon said pushing past Carson into the room. Negan stood shocked, his love’s blood on his shirt, his best friend about to stab her in the brain. This can’t be happening, he thought.   
Simon walked over to her. He blinked away the tears, not wanting to waste the moments with her. He took his knife from his belt.   
“Aw Snow...you were supposed to outlive everyone. Fuck...I thought you’d be doing this to me! I wasn’t supposed have to do this! A promise is a promise. I love ya Snow.” He plunged the knife through her temple. He walked out of the room, blood splattered on his shirt.   
“She’s gone boss. She’s taken care of Negan.” Simon said shaking his head. Negan looked at him unable to speak.   
He pushed past Carson into the room and saw her laying in her bed, the sheet covered in blood. She looked asleep, she looked okay. Her skin was void of all color except where the blood had stained. He got to the edge of her bed, her hand flopped over the side, still and unmoving. She looked like a statue. He fell to his knees and grabbed her hand in his. It was cold. He put a hand on her face, she was so cold. His instinct was to want to wrap her up in blankets, but he didn’t.   
“I’m so sorry my love. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t help you.” He sobbed.   
“I couldn’t protect you this time, the one time you needed me to. I couldn’t.” He ran his hands through her hair.   
“You’re it for me. All I want is you.” He told her. His voice was giving up, being taken over by sobs. He climbed into the bed and pulled her close to him. He couldn’t let her go. He just wanted her back. That’s all he wanted. He held onto her afraid to let go. He cried into her hair.   
“I got you Darlin’. I got you.”He whispered. His thoughts were broken when he heard the mewlings of his baby. He looked over and saw Arat holding Jamie in her arms, her face red from crying, her hands still had her mother’s blood on them.   
“She...She’ll need to eat...we have...formula.” Arat said trying to keep control. Negan wanted to break down even more. His daughter had no mother. He had to do this alone now. He wasn’t ready. He had no choice.   
“I’ll be good for her I promise. I’ll make sure she’s safe and happy every single day. I promise. I’ll make you proud.” He said as he kissed her. He tore himself from Lynna’s body and walked over to Arat.   
“I’ll take her. You go get formula. We need to take care of her body as soon as we can.”Negan said clearing his throat, trying to gain some control. Arat handed him the baby. He realised he hadn’t held her yet. He looked down at her as she wiggled and squirmed in his arms. He could already tell she had Lynna’s eyes.   
“I’m going to make sure you are the happiest person on this planet.” He told her keeping her close to his chest. Simon came into the room and sighed, looking at the baby Lynna barely knew.   
“Sir...I don’t mean to be...do you want her burned?” Simon said his voice barely staying together.   
“No. No, don’t burn her. She gets a proper funeral. She doesn’t need a coffin, but she gets a headstone. I need her to have a headstone.” Negan said. Simon nodded and left. Arat came back into the room with a bottle in hand.   
“Hear boss. Do you need me to do it?” She asked. Negan shook his head. This was his daughter. He’d feed her. He put the bottle up to her lips and she latched on suckling the bottle fervantly. Negan couldn’t help but smile as he watched her eat.   
“Boss, why don’t you take her to the hall. Carson and I are going to clean her up.” Arat said putting a hand on his shoulder. Negan looked over at Lynna and nodded. He didn’t need to see that. He took Jamie to the hallway. Simon looked at him and down at the baby.   
“What...what did she name her?” He asked. Negan smiled down at the baby in his arms.   
“Jamie. She named her Jamie.” Negan said. Simon smiled as he watched the baby.   
“Nice.” He said. The baby finished the bottle by the time Carson and Arat had finished.  
“She’s cleaned up. We tossed the sheets. We weren’t sure if you wanted her necklace or not.” Arat said holding up the gold necklace. Simon reached for it and took it, looking at it in his hands.   
“Keep it Simon.” Negan told him. Simon nodded and put it in his pocket and kept his eyes on the floor. A few men were standing in the hall, all with red eyes.   
“We dug her a grave sir. Nice spot where the sun never misses. We’re here to help put her to rest sir.” One of the men said. Negan could only nod.   
“Simon, hold her for a minute. I can’t say goodbye and hold her.” Negan said. Simon looked at him and was about to refuse, but stopped himself. He took the baby in his arms as Negan went back into the room. Simon looked down at the baby, even now she looked so much like Lynna. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand it. He had to. Lynna would kick his ass if he let her down.   
“Hello Jamie. I’m your uncle Simon. I’ll protect you from all the bad stuff in this world I promise.” He said through tears. The baby stared up at him with bright eyes, his heart melted.  
Negan looked at Lynna. This was the last time he would lay eyes on her. The last time he would see her. His chest hurt.   
“I don’t want any of this without you. But I’ll keep going for her now. I’ll give her the best life.” Negan said holding her hand in his.   
“I tried my best to keep you safe. I know you know that, but it felt like I needed to say that. I fucking loved you more than myself. Goodbye my Darling.” He said and leaned down to kiss her one last time. He walked away, not turning back to look. He left the room and the men and Arat went back in.   
“There will be a headstone in a few days. There is a sculpture downstairs. We’ll get him the supplies and he’ll get it done.” Carson told him. The four men walked out with Lynna’s body wrapped in a blanket. Negan shook his head trying to control his tears. He took the baby from Simon as they followed Lynna’s body. As people walked by in the halls they kneeled as she passed. Every Savior, every civilian, everyone knelt as she passed them.   
The men lowered her into the grave they dug. Negan, held Jamie close to his chest. Everything hurt. He stood watching the men shovel dirt onto Lynna’s body. She was almost covered, his last glimpse of her until the men shoveled more dirt, all traces of her gone. He took a deep breath. This was a new world. Whether he liked it or not, he had to live in it.   
Negan stood at the grave long after they had finished burying her. His legs couldn’t seem to move. In the course of one day his life changed twice. He was given everything and then quickly had it taken away. To be happy in this world was always fleeting and it needed to be protected. Negan was going to protect what he had until his last breath.   
Jamie started crying in his arms, jolting him back to earth. He hushed her as he wrapped his leather coat around her for an added layer as they went inside. Arat caught him in the hallway, bottle in hand.   
“I was coming to get you. I figured she’d be getting hungry again. I put the formula in your room. I’ll show you how to make it.” She said handing him the bottle. He took it and started feeding Jamie.   
“Thanks Arat. For everything you did today and I suppose yesterday now.” Negan sighed.   
“You don’t have to thank me Boss. She was my friend. I would have been there if you hadn’t asked me.” She patted him on the shoulder.   
“Still, thank you.” He smiled.   
“Course. If you want to go catch some shut eye, I can take her for a while. You haven’t slept in over 24 hours. You have got to be exhausted.” Arat said.   
“No, I think we just need to be alone. Thank you.” Negan said walking back to his room. He walked in and shut the door. It was quiet. They had cleaned everything up and even redressed his bed. It looked like normal, but it wasn’t. It was all different.   
“Just us now, kid. You and me against the world.” He said looking down at Jamie who had fallen asleep. 

 

 

“Jamie! What did I say about being that close to walkers?” Negan yelled from the top of the stairs. The little girl turned away from the fence, guilt written all over her face.   
“I was just looking!” She said a wide smile spreading across her face.   
“You’ll be the death of me, Darlin’.” He chuckled as walked down the stairs. The gates opened and two trucks came rolling in. Simon jumped out of his truck and turned to see Jamie.   
“Ya miss me Snowflake?” He said as she came barreling towards him at full speed, hair flying in the wind.   
“Uncle Si! I always miss you when you go!” She giggled as he picked her up and spun her.   
“Good! I hate to not be missed!” He said kissing her, his mustache tickling her and make her erupt with laughter.   
“Did you bring me something? It’s my birthday ya know?” She said crossing her arms. Simon put her on the ground and dug something out of his pocket.   
“You think I’d forget your birthday? I’m offended. Maybe I won’t give you this present I have here.” He said holding it just out of her reach as she jumped to get it.   
“No! Uncle Si!” She yelled. He grabbed her around her waist and carried her over to the stairs and sat her down.   
“Now this is a special gift. I’ve been holding onto it for years, waiting until you were old enough and responsible enough to have it. I think you can handle it now.” He said handing her a small piece of wrapping paper. She ripped it apart and found a necklace. Negan stood behind them looking down, realizing what it was. He patted Simon on the shoulder and walked away.   
“This was your mom’s. Her dad gave it to her, and she gave it to me to give to you. You gotta treat it with respect, Snowflake. You have to keep track of it. No losing it. We can’t get another one.” He told her sniffling.   
“I’ll be careful I promise.” She smiled.   
“I know you will Snowflake.” He said taking the necklace and helping put it on her. He stood back looking at her. She looked like Lynna more and more everyday. It used to kill Simon, but now it made him smile. She left a piece of herself for them to survive. Simon looked over at the men who had finished unloading and were waiting, looking over to Jamie.   
“Now, Snowflake I think they might have something for you too.” Simon said. Jamie turned to see all the men standing and ran over to them. They all burst into smiles as she ran for them.   
Negan walked over to the headstone. He knelt down in front of it, running his hands over the engraved words that read; Lynna; Wife, Mother, Sun and Stars.  
“I always have a tough time today. Her birthday should be the happiest day of the year, and I make sure it is. But I still remember that’s the day we lost you. This is fucking stupid, how much I come to talk to a rock. I like to think that you hear me though. She’s five today Lynna. I can’t believe it. It seems like yesterday she was born.” He smiled.   
“She is a little devil just like you and only seems to grow more devilish. You’d love it. She reads all the time, top of her class. Not that it’s means anything now. She’s got your hair and eyes. Poor girl got my nose and forehead though. She’s so goddamn beautiful Lynna.You wouldn’t believe how amazing she is. I didn’t think it was possible for a human being to be so fucking perfect. But here she is.” He said wiping the stray tear from his face.   
“I wish you could be here for all this. I tell her about you everyday. She says how much she loves you everyday. She’s a fighter like you. She’ll be a great leader one day. The whole Sanctuary loves her. They kneel for her, they respect her. Lynna, I think we somehow made the best human being ever.” He chuckled.   
“I miss you everyday, so much it hurts. I love you, I got you.” He said kissing the top of the headstone. He started back. Simon walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.   
“Birthday is always the hardest. But she still makes it the best day somehow.” Simon and Negan laughed as they watched Jamie play cops and robber with the men in the yard.   
“Yeah, it was always going to be difficult, whether Lynna was here or not.” Negan said as he walked towards them and ran to scoop Jamie up in his arms. He kissed her and she giggled wildly.   
“That’s enough for now. You don’t want to be too tired for your party later.” He chuckled and she wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded.   
“Did you say hi to mommy?” She asked resting her head on his shoulder.  
“I did. She says happy birthday.” He said as they walked up the stairs.   
“Do you think she’s mad at me?” Jamie questioned. Negan put her down and knelt so they were eye level.   
“Why on earth would she be mad at you?” He asked. Jamie shrugged.   
“Because My birthday was when she died.” She said looking like she had misbehaved. Negan sighed and looked to the ground. He lifted her chin so that she would look at him.   
“Your mommy is not mad at you. She was so happy to see you when you were born, I’ve never seen someone so happy. She died because she fought so hard for you. She loved you before she even met you. She could never be mad at you. I don’t want you to ever think she’s mad at you, alright Darlin’?” He smoothed hair behind her ear.   
“Alright. I love her too daddy. Just like I love you.” She flung her arms around his neck and gave his cheek a big smooch.   
“I love you baby. So much! I might eat you up!” He said grabbing her and pretending to nibble her neck.   
“No! Don’t eat me!” She screamed through her giggles.   
“Is this man trying to eat you up!?” Arat’s voice came from down the hall.   
“Arat! Save me!” Jamie screamed. Arat pretended to shoot Negan. He feigned his wound putting her on the ground and flopping down to fake his death as Jamie ran to Arat. Negan watched her run, hair bouncing around her, giggles filling the air. He was happy, he had a happy life and more importantly so did Jamie. Just maybe not how he pictured it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Last chapter. I've had tons of fun writing it. I'm sorry if you got too many feels. I cried writing it. I had been tinkering with this chapter for a while, I hope it turned out okay. Thank you so much to those who have read this. I hope you stick around and read my next projects, whatever they may be. Thank you.


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